Need an ark to save two of every animal?

I noah guy.

Where did Noah put the penguins on the ark?

In the arctic section.

Note: my 7 yr old grand daughter made this up on the spot, after I told her this joke:
Where did Noah put the bees on the ark?
In the archives.

I think she's pretty clever.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ah sed to me Yorkshire mate, "Dosta know who built t'Ark?"

'E sed, "Aye, Noah"

Ah sed, "Mek up thy mind!"

Daft bugger.

Noah's Ark had landed, and the flood waters subsided....

..and Noah released all the animals in the Ark, saying, "Be fruitful and multiply!"

All the animals dispersed, except for a pair of snakes.

Noah looked at them and asked, "Why are you not doing as I said?"

One of the snakes replied, "We can't multiply, we're adders."

So, ...

Where did Noah keep the bees on his Ark?

In the Ark hives.

Noah's Ark 2.0

In the year 2016, the Lord came unto Noah, Who was now living in America and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."
"Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah ...

How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.

After 150 days off flooding, Noah released all the animals from his ark and commanded then to go forth and multiply.

After some time, he saw that the flocks and herds were regaining their numbers, but he came across a pair of snakes who had laid no eggs, and were just laying about.

"Why have you not multiplied?" he asked.

To which the snakes responded, "we can't, we're adders."


Noah being ...

Someone stole the enclosure that was built to hold the animals in the ark.

Newspaper headline: “Noah fence taken.”

What's the difference between Noah's Ark and Joan of Arc?

One was made of wood, the other was Maid of Orleans.

As the animals left the ark, Noah told them to go forth and multiply. After some time, Noah came upon two snakes who were just lying there sunning themselves...

So Noah asked them, ”Why aren’t you multiplying?”

The snakes replied, “We can’t, we’re adders.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Noah do with all the shit from the ark?

He threw it overboard. A few thousand years later Christopher Columbus discovered it.

Did you know that when they were building the Ark, they had to put a perimeter around it so that only two animals could get on at a time?

Noah fence.

Most Hipsters’ favourite movie is Raiders of the Lost Ark.

It’s the first indie film.

Noah lets all the animals off the ark and tells them, "Go forth, and multiply."

Noah lets all the animals off the ark and tells them, "Go forth, and multiply."

A year later, he goes around to all the animals to see how they're doing. The horses have foals, the wolves have pups, the lions have cubs...everything looks good. But then he gets to a couple of snakes, and they ...

When Noah reached land, he threw open the ark doors and said, "Go forth and multiply".

When all the animals cleared out, only a pair of confused looking snakes remained.

"Didn't you hear me? Go forth and multiply!" Said Noah, annoyed.

"We can't" replied one of the snakes. "We're adders".

Noah's Ark

God: Noah, it's time to build another boat.

Noah: Oh, OK, you’re the boss. Do you want the same again, animals, two by two?

God: Actually no. We forgot the fish last time so this time this will be just for the fish. Also, build it with more than one deck.

Noah: Big boat, only fi...

When all the animals left the ark, Noah gave them instructions as they departed:

To the Aardvarks, he commanded, "Go forth and multiply!"

A couple snakes came slithering out, and he commanded, "Go forth and multiply!"

"We can't, we're adders." replied the snakes.

Well Noah kept giving commands, until at last he told the zebras, "Go forth and multiply!" ...

I think Noah might be the craziest of Biblical figures; hearing God, building an ark, gathering animals

The whole thing sounds delugional.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After Noah led the animals onto the ark, it started to rain

After Noah led the animals onto the ark, two by two, it started to rain for 40 days and 40 nights. After the 15th day, with all the animals cooped up together with no designated toilet area, the ark began to smell. So Noah, being a wise old Noah, decided to set up a designated shitting area at the b...

Indiana Jones: "I present the Ark of the Covenant, sacred crypt of the Ten Commandments."

Rick from Pawn Stars: "Best I can do is 25 bucks."

Football game on Noah's Ark

Okay so the animals have been on the ark for thirty days and thirty nights and frankly they are getting bored. So to provide entertainment B-Deck challenges C-Deck to a game of football. They get it all set up and begin play. B-Deck makes some early gains but C-Deck is unstoppable. They have Rhinoce...

Noah was feeling bored on the Ark

His wife said, "Why don't you go outside and fish for a little?"

Noah agreed, grabbed his fishing pole and went out on the deck to fish.

He comes back in 10 minutes later, sits down, and pouts.

His wife asks him, "Why did you stop fishing?" and he says,

"I ran out of worm...

Why couldn’t Noah see his animals after he led them on to his big boat?

It was d’ark

After the Flood, Noah commanded the animals...

"Go forth! Be fruitful! Multiply!"

And so, the animals did go forth from Mt. Ararat, and behold they were fruitful and did multiply as Noah had commanded. But Noah saw that two snakes had remained with the ark.

"Serpents! Why has thou not done as I have commanded, and gone forth to mul...

Why did the polar bears on Noah's Ark hang out near the insects?

They were looking for the ark tick.

It's been raining so hard this week I think I need an Ark

It's OK, I Noah guy

After the great flood, Noah begins unloading the ark, and instructs the animals to "go forth and multiply!"

Once most of the exodus has completed, he noticed a pair of adders in the back looking rather distraught. "What's the matter?" he asked them.

"We're only adders, we can't multiply!" said the snakes.

Thinking quickly, Noah dashed off into the forest, and returned a short time later carr...

What type of lights were on Noah's Ark?

You'd think it would be floodlights, but in reality it was the Israelites!

Which bird did Noah regret taking on the ark?

The woodpeckers.

Saw a group of magical insects escape a flood in a tiny ship of their own creation.

Could this be the fabled Ark of the Coven-Ants?

God comes and talks to Noah while he is building the Ark...

He says :"Noah, Hear my will. I have decided what I wish to fill the first storey of the ark with"

"Of course my lord, what is it you wish?"

"I wish for you to fill it with carp!"

Noah is confused, he says "But my lord, carp can swi-

"**DON'T QUESTION MY WILL NOAH**"
<...

Modern Bible Stories: American Noah's Ark

…..And the Lord spoke to Noah and said:
” In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed, but I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark.”
In a...

So the Great Flood has receded, and Noah is releasing all of the animals from the ark...

... Everything is going smoothly - the giraffes, bears, birds - all of them are going forth and repopulating the earth.

Suddenly, a pair of snakes goes up to Noah. He says "What's wrong? Go forth and multiply!"

The snakes say, "We can't. We're adders."

So Noah goes into the for...

I wonder how many chameleons....

snuck onto the Ark?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can predict your favorite movie with one simple trick..

This math test will determine your favorite movie.
Amazing!
This is pretty damn amazing. Mine turned out to be Gone With The Wind. Thats my favorite movie! I was surprised how this worked.
.
Be honest and dont look at the movie list till you have done the math!
.
Try this test and ...

If the Genesis flood happened in prehistoric times...

...It’d be Jurassic Ark

Two dinosaurs standing on a cliff

As they're looking out to sea, an ark floats past. One dinosaur turns to the other one and says,


'Oh, was that today?'

What is God's favorite TV office comedy?

Arks and Creation

"The child returned to the sun"

Around 1250, a merchant leaves France for a 2 years trip to the middle-east. When he comes back, his unfaithful wife had a son with a handsome young man of the city. Upon coming back home, the merchant sees the baby, who is obviously too young to be his own. He asks his wife: "My dear wife, please t...

Question - Not a joke

This is not a joke but I hope my submission will be accepted anyway since it relates to jokes.

I'm curious about the preferred way of presenting a play on words. Does reddit prefer to spell based on the implied meaning or the original and let the reader figure it out?

Example: Noah kee...

What did Noah say after he let the dinosaurs in?

Welcome to Jurassic Ark

Noah and the Two Snakes.

Noah, after settling his ship down and letting loose the animals aboard his Ark unto the world, noticed a pair of snakes that were left behind.

"Well, what are you guys still doing here?" Asked Noah.

"Remember how you said 'go forth and multiply' ?" One of the snakes replied.

"Y...

Corny jokes!

Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?

A: Because it's two-tired.


Q: What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?

A: It becomes daytrogen.


Q: Where did Noah keep his bees?

A: In the Ark Hives!


Q: Can February March?

A: No, but Apri...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Angry Notes" Courtesy of Saurabh on Fropki.com

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get it up. Enjoy dreaming about that.
Sincerely,
Logic

D...

What did Noah name the carpentry supply store he set up in Little Rock?

Ark-n-Saw.

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