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Just got a big Mac

Just picked up a Big Mac Meal at the drive-thru. I'm not hungry, I just need the napkins for wiping my arse.

Today I Ate a Big Mac

I am not gonna brag about it but the people in Apple were pretty terrified

A blonde walks into a library and says to the librarian "CAN I GET A BIG MAC FRIES AND A COKE?!!" The librarian says "excuse me miss.....this is a library."

The blonde says...."oh im sorry (whispers) can i get a big mac fries and a coke?"

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My friend likes to stick big Macs up his butt.

I think he has ass-burgers syndrome.

I woke up this morning and found my wife washing a big mac in the kitchen sink..

Me: Honey, what are you doing?
Wife: The doctor told me I need to lose weight, and I should start by cleaning up my diet.

I met the man who invented the Big Mac today…

He was much smaller and less appealing than he looked in his photos…

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Why do many people call my penis the 'Big Mac'?

Because it doesn't look as good or as big as it did in the adverts.

:(

The inventor of the Big Mac died the other day....

His family ordered the most lavish coffin they could find in the brochure, but were extremely disappointed when it turned out to be nothing like the picture.

What type of computer does Ronald McDonald use?

A big mac

What was favourite Steve Jobs' burger?

Big Mac

What types of large PC's do McDonalds workers use?

Big Macs

A guy gets a job driving the Sesame Street bus...

It's his first day on the bus, and he's sitting at the stop and a little girl gets on and says "My name is Pat, and I'm fat."

So, he shrugs his shoulders, says hi, and tells her to take a seat.

The next little girl gets on the bus, and says "My name's Patricia, and I'm obese".

H...

A man was tired of working as a burger-flipper at McDonalds.

All day every day he made Big Macs. And in his head he would list off the ingredients; Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickle and onion, on a seasame seed bun.

Over and over: Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickle and onion, on a seasame seed bun.<...

I just found my first grey pubic hair!

Normally these things don’t bother me but it was in my Big Mac...

Son: Dad, I’d like to drop out of high school.

Dad: That’s alright son, just remember.
Son: Remember what?
Dad: I don’t like pickles on my Big Mac.
————————————
My topping game sucks, guess I gotta go to McDonald’s more often

A man walks into McDonalds

The cashier says, “Hello sir! May I take your order? By the way sir, we don’t have any-”

The man interrupts, “Yes, can I get a, uh, Big Mac with large fries?”

“Sir, we don’t have any fries, would you like-“

“Oh, then can I get some small fries?”

The cashier sighs and roll...

A bear walks into McDonald’s

and goes to order at the cash register.

“What can I get for you, sir?” Asked the employee.

“I would like a Big Mac... ... ... ... ... ... and fries.”

“What’s with the big pause there, sir?”

The bear looks down, “Oh these? I was born with them.”

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The two founders of the McDonald’s restaurant were Mac and Dick McDonald. Their most famous burger is named after one of them.

I’m really glad they went with Big Mac.

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Four religious men of the cloth go on a fishing trip...

That night in the fish house they decide to confess their greatest sin to each other. The Catholic priest says, "my greatest sin is lust. I look at porn constantly online and when I can I have crazy sex with parishioners." The Rabbi says "my sin is greed. I never give to charities and sometimes...

What's the difference between an art major and a philosophy major?

The philosophy major will ask *why* you want fries with your Big Mac.

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Introducing a Friend Who Says Whatever He's Thinking

"I'd like you to meet a friend of mine."

"How do you do?"

"You want a Big Mac or Whopper that's been in my butt?"

"What the hell is wrong with your friend?"

"Oh, don't mind him. He just has ass burgers."

A man is standing on a busy street corner with a placard over his chest for the local McDonald’s.

On the front, in big bold letters, are the words Free Big Mac. A homeless man stumbles over and asks the man, “What is Mac serving time for?”

Some Chuck Norris Jokes

- Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.

- Chuck Norris threw a hand grenade and killed 50 people. Then the grenade exploded.

- When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.

- Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush...

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Give A Man A Fish

Give a man a fish and he'll say, "This is incorrect; I ordered a Big Mac". Teach a man how to fish and he'll say, "What the fuck kind of McDonald's is this, anyway?"

What did the law graduate say to the arts graduate?

"I'd like a big mac meal with a coke please"

So a duck walks into a bank...

He waddles up to the teller and demands a big mac, fries, and a shake.

"This is a bank." She explains. "We don't serve food here."

The duck walks out.

The next day the duck comes back and walks up to the same teller. Again he demands a big mac, fries, and a shake.

Slightl...

What do Microsoft and Burger King have in common?

They both hate big Macs.

There are two things I tell high school dropouts...

1. You tried your hardest.
2. I don't want pickles on my Big Mac.

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A man was out of work...

A man was out of work, and he was combing through the want ads. He saw that a school was looking for a bus driver, so he called and was asked to come for an interview. He got the job, and was surprised when he went out and found that the bus was garishly painted with Big Bird, Bert & Ernie, and ...

A blonde enters a library

She goes up to the librarian and says "I will have a Big Mac, large fry and a coke."

The librarian, a bit confused, says "sorry miss, but this is a library."

The blonde is very embarrassed and says "I'm so sorry," and then proceeds to whisper "I will have a Big Mac, large fry and a cok...

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