Would you be offended if I said...

Would you be offended if I said that I'm not voting for that white, elitist, pompous, corrupt, egomaniac that's going to ruin our country?

...or would you even know which candidate I'm talking about?

Don’t be offended

Dark jokes are like clean water, not everyone gets it

A man in his backyard (Warning: May be offending)

After a stressful day, one man comes home and sits in his backyard, drinking a beer. As he's getting up to get a snack, he stops and asks, "Jesus, what is the meaning of life?"

To which Jesus replies,"You slave in the sun to support the ones you love. You make money so you can buy things for ...

My favourite joke from my dad

A guy loves telling jokes about Scandinavians.

One day, his friend tells him, "You need to stop making jokes about Scandinavians. You're coming across as racist."

"Well, what kind of jokes should I tell instead?" asks the first guy.

"Tell jokes about generically ethnic people. T...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Raising a boy ...

Raising a boy is certainly better than raising a girl, as then you only have one dick to worry about and not three billion.

**Disclaimer:** This is a joke, and is not meant to be taken literally. Go be offended elsewhere if you feel personally attacked.

This is my favourite joke I made, I hope no-one else has thought about it

Q. How do you get an old English woman to say "f**k"


A. Get someone else to shout "bingo!"


Some will get it, some will be offended. Most won't get it

If everyone is a child of God...

...then Jesus isn't all that special, really.


It's a joke. Please don't be offended.

Don't make fun of vegans...

They only have the energy to be offended once or twice a day.

I recently got ran over by a steam roller

people said i should be offended, but i was flattered.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Duchess and the Butler.

The Duchess arrived home early having imbibed a little too much wine. When about to enter her bedroom she noticed her butler Jeeves down the hallway.


"Jeeves," she called, "Come here immediately," Yes Ma'am," answered Jeeves.

She sat on the bed and asked Jeeves to sit beside...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I walked into an elevator today...

and there was a middle aged man in there, crouching down, holding a white stick and wearing dark glasses.

After saying hello to him, there was an awkward silence between us and I was faced with a very awkward situation.

Should I help him? Will he be offended if I try to help him? Shou...

I can use some help with some painting . . .

A man looking for food and shelter comes upon a cozy house on a nice, small farm.

When the farmer answers the door, the man asks him, “Can you spare me something to eat? I haven’t eaten in several days and I'm not picky.”

The farmer says, “I never give anything away for free. I can giv...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This lady decided it was time to learn how to play golf...

This lady decided it was time to learn how to play golf and started taking lessons with the club pro.

After a few lessons, she just couldn't get the hang of teeing off, due to her poor grip.

Desperate, the pro suggested, "Don't be offended, but try holding the club as you would a man'...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A goose is flying over the border between the US and Canada...

A goose is flying over the border between the US and Canada. You can hear two shots and the bird falls to the ground. Two hunters arrive at the same time to find the bird lying right on the border and they immediately start arguing about who shot the bird and who should be able to keep it.

F...

What is the difference between a pimple and a Catholic Priest?

A pimple doesn't come on a boys face until he's 13.

This joke is all in good fun, sorry if anyone happens to be offended!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a big black rat that steals all your food?

A Rat-Coon


Hope you guys are light hearted enough to not be offended.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Back around 1800...

A very patriotic American goes to visit England. The locals listen to his accent and determine he's from America. At hotel where he's staying, there's only one outhouse to use, and the locals hang up a portrait of George Washington on the inside, thinking he would be offended. However, they watch as...

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