UPJOKE
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is sitting on a flight from NYC to London

He feels a little cold, so he asks the cabin attendant for a blanket. The cabin crew completely ignores him. On the seat next to him is no other than a parrot. The parrot screams "get me a scotch on the rocks you stupid cunt". Not a moment passes and the parrot gets a nice glass of whiskey. The man ...

The stone has been rolled away for 38 days and Christ continues to chill with his buds.

God calls from the heavens, “it is time.”

But Jesus and his friends can’t hear over all the partying etc

On day 39, same thing. “Son, come sit by my right hand in heaven.

Still nothing.

On the 40th day, God hears that the music is especially loud and knows he’ll likely b...

For a man to fully understand rejection

He must first be ignored by a cat.

I love how people always leave voicemails when I miss their calls.

It's like they want to be ignored twice.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Use the word beautiful in a sentence...

Little Billy's first grade teacher asked the class if they could use the word beautiful in a sentence.

Little Billy's hand shot straight up, waving in the air like he's trying to shake off a booger, but the teacher ignores him because he is Little Billy.

"Sally," says the teacher, "can...

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