My parents used to be beat me so hard

I thought the crack of a whip was my name.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

The appliances in a sexy woman's bathroom start arguing...

It all started when the bathtub was bragging he gets to see her naked everyday.
The sink piped up, "That's nothing. Daily oral. What guy could ask for more?"
The toilet flushed, "Amateur. I get both holes. Anal multiple times a day."
The tub, feeling like he shouldn't be beat by the toile...

Why should you never combine zoosadism and necrophillia?

Because you would be beating a dead horse.

Why is a broken drum the best gift?

It canโ€™t be beat

My wife isn't into S&M. But I still love her...

she really can't be beat.

Dicks that can't get hard are the best.

They can't be beat.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A guy goes to his psychiatrist...

and says "Doc, I had that crazy sex dream again. The one where I'm into sadism, necrophilia, and bestiality."

The psychiatrist replies "Oh, let's not bother going over that old dream again. We'd just be beating a dead horse."

Always remember that money cannot buy you love

It can, however, buy you a mansion, a yacht, a nice suit, and a fancy European sports car. After that, you'll be beating love off with a stick.

If there's one thing I've learned from sheet music over the years

It's that a long rest just can't be beat

I was going to tell a joke about necrophilia and bestiality...

But that would be beating a dead horse.

United Airlines new motto:

"Our prices can't be beat, but you can."

Renovation of Big Ben has started

After the modernization, the famous clock will be beat five times a day, calling the faithful to prayer.

Have you heard about the music stores percussion sale?

Their prices can't be beat

Have you heard about their guitar sale?

The prices are solo

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Yesterday my GF seemed very nervous about giving me head...

..and instead was wildly smacking and hitting my thighs and lower stomach.
She seemed to be beating around the bush.

People always say I should be lucky to be able to live off workers comp, but it cost me an arm and a leg!

I was out of town for a couple weeks and I decided letting m...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A little boy in a quaint town was said to be the hairiest person in history.

Even in a small community, where everyone was aware of and understood his plight, living a normal life was difficult. Even though everyone was respectful, the sheer volume of hair and speed at which it grew was a constant hardship. It interfered with the boy's eating, he would overheat quickly durin...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.