Saw a homeless man eating a tin of baked beans and I thought it was really sad, so I walked over to him and said...

"I think you're supposed to open that first"

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.

He loved them dearly, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat explosive effect on him.
 

One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, “she’ll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this,” so he m...

Why do baked beans want to move to Queensland (Australia)

Because they all want to live in Cairns!

(a city in Queensland Australia, for non aussies)

I decided to eat my baked beans through my nose.

In Heinz sight, it was a terrible decision.

Why did the man with poor vision pour baked beans into his eyes?

Heinz-sight is 20/20.

I want to open a bar that serves nothing but expensive beer and baked beans.

I'll call it Farts & Crafts.

How can you tell the difference between a can of soup and a can of baked beans?

Read the label.

looking back, I wish I'd bought my baked beans online...

Heinz site's a wonderful thing

What did they call Muhammad Ali after he had baked beans?

Gaseous Clay

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you eat peanut butter and baked beans?

A fart that sticks to the roof of your ass

What was the name of the meth cook who got caught stealing baked beans?

Heinzenburg

a little corny but here it goes...what can u make with onions and baked beans?

tear gas

*From Ian Ross, not mine* - A mum was asked 'Why is your daughter crying?'

'She has five baked beans stuck up her nose.'

'And why is your son crying?'

'He wants his lunch back.'

Two woman riding in an elevator in a very lavish and posh building..,,

when a young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume.She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, “Romance” by Ralph Lauren, at $180.Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, “Chanel No. 5...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A married truck driver goes into a brothel

He says to the madam "I'll give you $500 for your ugliest girl and baked beans on burnt toast."

The madam replies "For $500 I'll give you my best looking girl and a 3 course meal."

The truck driver replies "You don't understand, I'm not horny, I'm homesick."

During my school days I was living on baked beans.

A house would probably have been a smarter option.

I fell in love with an amazing man

When he proposed I decided to make a huge sacrifice: I gave up on my favourite food, beans.

A few months later, on my birthday, my car broke down. Called him to let him know I was coming later. Suddenly I smelled baked beans from a nearby restaurant and couldn't help myself. I figured I'd hav...

What do you call a group of Mexicans smoking weed?

Baked beans

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A male fairy tale...

A Male Fairy Tale:

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess said, "No!!!"
And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and banged skinny long-legged big-titted babes and went rowing and watched rugby and went to naked bars a...

A very popular girl went to her doctor and found out she was pregnant

Her doctor says, “I know you're not married! Do you know who the father of this baby is?”

The girl thought and then asked, “Doc, if you ate a can of baked beans, would you know which bean made you fart?”

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