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Avenger Jokes

A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.

First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.

The “Avengers: Endgame” trailer had 289 million views in 24 hours.

It would have been 578 million views, but...

One day, Deadpool joined the Avengers.

One day, Deadpool joined the Avengers. They traveled to a Hydra base surrounded by four barriers.

When they got to the first barrier, Hulk smashed it.

When they got to the second barrier, Tony Stark fired up his Iron Man suit and blasted a hole through it.

When they got to the t...

People often arguing about which Avenger is the best. Cap, Iron man, Thor...mine is Antman.

I can't help but cheer for an Ant-y hero.

Guess which Avenger paid the least taxes this year?

Spiderman, because his entire income was net income

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does an Avenger use for a sex toy?

Vibranium

Who was the Avenger from Scotland?

H-och aye!

Did you hear about Bruce Banner losing his temper at the Avengers' pool party?

He made a Hulk Splash

What did Optimus Prime say when he came back from Ikea?

Autobots, assemble!


(edit : a big ♥ to all the kind people who made this silly post live despite the fact I mix up Autobots and Avengers. Long live the Autovengers!)

What did the wind turbine say to his favorite avenger

Wow, I am I huge fan

Why were the Avengers sent to Prison?

They forgot to ask the Age of Ultron.

Why do the avengers never lie?

If they did, someone would call Cap.

So I finally watched Avengers Endgame last night...

It's about time

Avengers cast

Interviewer: are you a human

Avengers endgame cast: I am not sure if I am aloud to tell you that

The hospital that my son is staying at got the Avengers to visit him.

He’s also going to see Stan Lee next week!

Someone said I look like Thor from The Avengers

They have only seen The End Game

Why were the Avengers so tired after saving New York?

They were up all night to get Loki.

Avengers Endgame Spoiler [Joke, no real spoilers]

Buddy: Yo so I just watched Avengers Endgame, and you know what happened?

Me: Might as well tell me, so many spoilers on social media anyway

Buddy: Well, I was at the theater, and I saw your girl with another dude...

The ending of Avengers endgame:

A bunch of names scrolling across the screen.

I don’t know why everyone thinks Avengers: Endgame is long...

Isn’t it Marvell Studios’ twenty second movie?

Avengers

The journey isnt watching the movie.
Its getting their before somebody spoils it for you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Mild Infinity War Spoiler] Did you guys see Peter Dinklage in the new Avengers film?

It was his biggest role to date.

My wife bought us an avengers puzzle to do together...

I said great. We can put some music on, have a few drinks and assemble the avengers.

What STD did Thanos give the Avengers?

Goneorrhea.

A group of movie producers are working on the next avengers/MCU movie

Producer 1: Does anyone have any ideas for the villain?

Producer 2: Ok, how about a 14 foot tall, flaming eye-ball, with poison swords for arms, who shoots lasers from his feet, and has a pet llama made of diamonds

Head producer: You’re over-thinking this, let’s just keep it low-key

The avengers “infinity war” movie was almost 3 hours...

But I felt like it ended in a snap!

What do you call the Avenger that's not really part of the main group and usually only plays a small role in their missions?

Peripheral Vision

#

I wish I can be Iron Man in Avengers:Endgame

Dead.

My weekend was like the movie “The Avengers”

Loki

What'd Thanos do when the avengers made him mad?

He Snapped

What does Mike Tyson say after a good workout with the Avengers?

I'm Thor.

In Avengers: Infinity War, Thanos absolutely went crazy.

He snapped.

How do the fallen avengers talk to each other?

Snapchat.

Why do the avengers make Black Widow share her location on her phone?

To stop her from Romanoff

I HAVE FOUND A MASSIVE LOOPHOLE IN AVENGERS: ENDGAME

How are HE and BW able to receive the soulstone when a soul must traded for it?

Since you know.... BW is a ginger and all :)

I saw avengers endgame today, I want my money back.

The last 20 minutes were blurry as hell.

(non-spoiler) Why could't Team Avengers sign Steve Rogers?

They didn't have enough cap space.

The avengers walk into a bar

Except vision. He phased.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Avengers went to go and visit a child in the hospital on Friday.

The lucky kid gets to meet Stan Lee on Saturday.

Man people have really short attention span for Avengers: Endgame

It's a twenty second movie after all.

Bro, I just watched avengers endgame, wanna hear a spoiler?

"Okay, tell me I'm not scared."

"I saw your girlfriend with someone else in the theater."

Uncle Ben probably wouldn't have discouraged Peter from joining the Avengers

But his Aunt May

Did you hear about Avengers: Infinity Wars?

It's said to be Marvel-ous!

My friend told me that avengers endgame is twenty second film in the series.

It sure felt longer than that.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can't the Avengers fight Thanos in the dark?

Their Vision's fucking useless.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Avengers were on a mission to save the Egyptian god of the sun.

Thanos, with the help of the Reality Stone, turned the god into a baby and usurped his powers. As he was about to kill him, in the nick of time, the Avengers showed up.

Diving forward, Captain America managed to snatch away the baby while Thanos was busy with his monologue. Realizing this, T...

Why is Daredevil not a part of the Avengers?

Because he doesn't work with Vision

What's the difference between bruce banner and bruce jenner?

One turned into a terrifying monster, the other is an avenger.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is common between Marvel Avengers and Politicians.

Both fight among themselves to stay in business.
Every fucking movie.

Why did the Avengers have the best float at the parade?

They had a gigantic Banner!

What do the Avengers call it when they win a fight without the Hulk?

A Banner Day!

What does the Incredible Hulk bring to the Avenger's Thanksgiving meal?

Smashed potatoes.

Why is the villain of Avengers: Infinity War so good at tracking Infinity Stones?

Because he's good at smelling... he's The Nose.

Why do the Avengers keep calling Spiderman over to fix their computer?

Because they heard he's a web developer

What did Joss say on the last day of shooting the Avengers?

Whedon?

What did people call Iron Man after he started playing "League of Legends?"

The Toxic Avenger.

Today, someone told me that, in the next Avengers movie, the Thor Hammer was replaced with a Thor Axe.

My first thought was “What kind of lame weapon is an insect abdomen?”

I really do wish Marvel would re-release The Avengers with Clark Gregg and Samuel L. Jackson swapping roles...

Black Coulson, wontcha come...

Which one of the Avengers would hurt the most if he shrank down in size like Ant-Man?

Thor. Because he would be a little Thor.

I'm going to cash in on the success of Avengers: Infinity War by opening a comics themed sandwich shop.

It'll be called *Soup or Hero*

[Marvel Avengers Age of Ultron Spoilers] If Captain Americas shield is made of Vibranium what is Hawkeye's shield made of?

Quicksilver

Marvel just did the most risky marketing move of all time.

Announcing “Avengers: Secret Wars” to the public kind of defeats the purpose.

Thor, Iron Man and Hulk walk into IKEA...

Avengers... Assemble

In the next Marvel movie I hear that Ironman, Captain America and the others will team up to battle Comcast .

It is called Avengers Xfinity Wars!

What does Thanos and a child with cancer have in common?

All of the avengers show up for their endgame.

When Thanos snaps...

Avengers: Oh no, he did it he managed to get rid of half the universe we did not stop him there is no hope. We are in Endgame now.

Karen: ThE VaCCinEs TurNEd My KIdS tO DuSt !!!!!

Marvel just announced the title of the Infinity War sequel. [spoiler]

Avengers: Days of Future Past

So Marvel and Ikea decided to do a crossover series. Marvel replaced the "Suit up" catchphrase with...

..."Avengers Assemble".

Thuperheroeth

A guy was walking down the street when he glanced down an alley and saw that it was almost entirely demolished. In the center of the rubble laid a man with all his teeth missing and blood pouring from his mouth.

The bystander ran up to the injured man. "What happened?"

"Well, I wath ...

Yo mama...

Yo mama so big that Thanos had to snap twice.

This may be a repost but my daughter just thought of it after watching Avengers Endgame.
I giggled.

Tony Stark catching Nick Fury up on the events of Civil War

Tony: So anyway the Avengers broke up and Steve is a fugitive now.

Fury: Wait, are you serious?

Tony: No cap

Why America failed to save the world from Coronavirus



Thor is in Asgard

Ironman died

Captain is now old

Hulk doesn't have much power. Rest of the Avengers are suffering from Corona and China ate Spiderman and Batman.

Yo mama so fat

The avengers hired her for her ability to be everywhere at once!

You are lying in the hospital thinking that you have got a small fever.

Then the full crew of Avengers comes to visit you.

(Infinity War Speculation) When Thanos gains the mind stone, he will turn into Palpatine.

Because The Avengers will pay for their lack of Vision.

What does Captain America say when he wants an orchestra?

Avengers, ensemble!

Son:Mommy tell me something that would make me both happy and sad at the same time

Mom:The whole Avengers cast is coming to visit you next week

So, in "Infinity War"...

Doctor Strange is in battle with Thanos. He sees all the future scenarios that are possible. He lets Thanos get the infinity gauntlet, allowing the deaths of half the universe. He never tells anyone what exactly he saw. The other Avengers saw this as being an incredibly cruel decision to make.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Impressing a date.

After weeks of trying everything he could think of accountant Frank Lester finally got the beautiful new secretary, Amanda, to agree to go out on a date with him. In an effort to impress the young woman Frank spared no expense: he hired a driver, wore his best suit, and managed to get reservations a...

Jeff was a prolific name dropper and his mate Jack had had enough.

“Surely you don’t know every person you mention,” he said.

“Sure do,” replied Jeff. “I know them all.”

Wanting proof, Jack wagered Jeff that he could find someone he didn’t know, a bet that Jeff accepted. They jumped on a plane and flew to Marvel Studios.

“OK,” said Jack, ...

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