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001 Jokes

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The library building based on the Dewey Decimal System

My town's new library has its floors organized according to the Dewey Decimal System. Books with a code from 001 to 099 are in the basement, and books with a code from 900 to 999 are on the top floor, for example. Books with a code from 100 to 199 are on the street-level floor by the main entrance. ...

For the first time in my life, I bought a lotto ticket, hoping for a Jackpot win of $70M.

In moments like this, I was taught to pray to St. Jude, and make a promise to donate some money to St. Jude's Children's Hospital.

I prayed as hard as I could, and I promised to donate $1,000,000 if I win the jackpot.

The next day I read the news. On the front page, it showed my neighb...

A strange man told me that he would give me 1 million dollars, but the person I loathed most in the world would get 1 billion dollars. He asked if I would accept?

"Easy," I replied, "Of course I'll take it."


"I'm just not sure what I'm going to do with 1.001 billion dollars"

When was the first car horn used?

Exactly 0.001 seconds after the first traffic light turned green.

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A timeless, Irish classic.

About twenty years ago, the Irish government decided to set up a secret service, much like MI5 in the UK. The three best Gardai (Irish police officers) were selected to participate in a number of tests in order to determine who would receive the coveted title of 001.
The three Gardai, each repres...

A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position of manager of a large division...

He quickly devised a test for choosing the most suitable candidate. He simply asked each applicant this question, "What is two plus two?"

The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was, "Twenty-two".

The second was a social worker. She said, "I don't know the answer but I'm v...

A battalion of Russian soldiers crosses Finnish border

Winter, 1939. A battalion of Russian soldiers crosses Finnish border. As they are marching, someone shouts from behind a forested hill:

"One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russians!"

The battalion commander hears this, mutters "we'll see about that", handpicks ten of his finest so...

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Dad, is Santa real?

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the popul...

An officer routinely waits outside the bar...

An officer routinely waits outside the bar in his squad car on the weekends to get an easy catch on the drunk drivers. This particular night on his early patrols he passes a large group of regulars walking into the bar. He makes a mental note to come back and wait. A few hours later the officer pull...

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