What’s pink and wrinkly and hangs out your pyjamas?

Your gran.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman decides she no longer likes how old and tired she looks...

so she goes to see a cosmetic surgeon. She tells the doctor she’s interested in a facelift.

The cosmetic surgeon gives her the option of a standard surgical face lift, or a new state of the art procedure where the surgeon places a small discrete knob at the back of the woman’s head, and if sh...

Why are elephants large, gray, and wrinkly?

Because is they were small, white, and smooth they'd be aspirin

What soft and wrinkly but gets sharper when you use it?

Your brain! (This joke brought to you by one of my 2nd grade students. I told him it was so good I was going to put it on the internet.)

Why are elephants so wrinkly?

Have you ever tried to iron one?

An old man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of wrinkly, dried up lemon rinds...

An old man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of wrinkly, dried up lemon rinds. He sits down and orders a beer from one hell of a beefy, muscled bartender. He takes a shakey sip from his dark, dark beer, puts it back down, and asks about the lemons as old and shriveled as he is.

"We have a ...

Why was Robin so wrinkly?

He stayed in the Bat-tub for too long.

Every time someone comments on my wrinkly clothes I just tell them that I have an iron deficiency.

Yep. I do that.

I really hate the feeling of wrinkly fingers in the tub

But he's my grandpa, what can you do?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Guy Picks Up A Hooker For The First Time.

They come into his house, and he throws off his shoes, and holy Jesus christ almighty his toes! The Hooker Asks:

"Oh my god, what is with your toes?!"

The guy responds with: "I had TOElio when I was younger"

They move on, the guy takes off his pants and HOLY CRAP his knees they'...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man find himself feeling really, really, very horny but also short on money.

Nevertheless, he heads to his local bordello in search of some relief.

He walks in, goes to the nice lady at the front desk, and slaps a $5 dollar bill on the counter. "Lady, this is all the money I got, but I really need some satisfaction, if you get my meaning. What can you do for me?...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wrinkly old women decides to bring back the "spark" in her marriage...

She walks into her husband wearing nothing but bright red lingerie, her husband sees her and says: "What the hell are you wearing?! You know I have sensitive eyes and that color hurts them! change immediately!"

So she does what her husband says but still wants to have sex, so she changes to w...

Why are Rhinoceroses so wrinkly?

Because they're hard to iron.

Time takes it's toll

So, I was sitting in the waiting-rom at my new dentist. While looking at the diplomas on the wall I noticed his name was familiar. Could he be the same John Andersen I went High school with at Riverside, back in "78? I used to have such a crush on him. He was the cutest. Tall, dark, charming and fun...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[SERIOUS] CAN ADMINS OF THIS SUBREDDIT REDDIT DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?!

WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, AN OLD MAN. HE’S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HIMSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HIS WRINKLY OLD DICK. HE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 8+ IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVORS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 6 AND...

What is the opposite of Irony?

Wrinkly

If you sat with your hands in the fountain of youth,

would your hands get wrinkly?

My first wife was a Brit. I loved her accent and the different words she had for things.

She called the bathroom the "loo." She called the pharmacy the "chemist." But my favorite was the "post." It was a noun and a verb. The mail I brought home was called the "post," and when she wanted me to mail something, I was "posting" it.

We were not wealthy by any means, but after we had b...

Wife in the Kitchen

A man comes home with his buddy and sees his wife naked in the kitchen. The wife starts complaining, “I’m old, wrinkly, and fat. Give me a compliment!”
The man turns to his buddy not knowing what to do.
The buddy says “Tell her she’s got great eyesight.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A truck drivers wife is standing buck naked staring at herself in the mirror

She says to herself "I'm fat and wrinkly, my skin is old and weather worn, my hair is falling out and I just don't feel beautiful anymore"

She turns to her husband and says 'Honey, I'm fat and wrinkly, my skin is old and weather worn, my hair is falling out and I just don't feel beautiful any...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's this young lady looking for a place to stay.

There's this young lady looking for a place to stay. She doesn't know anyone in town so she's browsing the small ads.

All the rooms for rent are way out of her league. She's just a young student and she doesn't have that kind of money. Finally she sees an advert for a room that she thinks she...

An old lady in a nursing home...

Was going up and down the corridor on her zimmer frame when an elderly retired policeman jumps out in front of her.

"You were speeding just then madam," he says "could I have your driver's license?" She hands over her library card which he studies carefully, and hands it back to her with a ra...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So these two guys get stranded in the desert...

So these two guys get stranded in the desert, their car is broken down, they are out of water and help is no where in sight... Except for a shack in the distance. So the two make their way to the shack and knock. An old, ugly, wrinkly, greasy woman answers the door. It smells like she hasn't showere...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Steve and Jason have their car break down on a deserted country road. [NSFW]

It’s late at night, there is no cell reception and they see only one house for miles surrounded by corn fields so they walk over and ring the doorbell. A disgusting old, wrinkly lady answers the door and asks them what they want.

“Our car broke down and we need to call a tow truck but we don’...

What's the difference between Donald Trump and an orange?

One is wrinkly, sour, and orange. The other gets picked by Mexicans.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The corniest dirty joke ever

There are three guys lost in the desert. They have been wandering around for weeks, and are somehow still alive, yet they are on the brink of death. They crawl over a sand dune and all stop, staring into the distance with their mouths agape.

"Do you see that?" the first guy says. "Yup," the o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

George and Betty get frisky!!

Two old people sitting in the retirement home.
(George and Betty).

They are sitting staring out of the large bay window, looking out on to the beautiful garden.

Betty: Penny for your thoughts George?

George: ach sorry Betty, I was just thinking about my youth and all the thi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wife complains to her husband...

The wife complains to her husband that her breasts are sagging, her skin is wrinkly, and her but is too big. She asks if he can give her a compliment to cheer her up.

"Apparently, you have perfect vision"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old Lady in the Outback

Three brothers were lost in the desert. For two days they were stranded surviving off of bugs. On the third day, they came across a strange looking shack. The three brothers went to the door and knocked hoping someone was inside. They knocked again and out came a dirty, wrinkly old lady wearing thic...

A few insurance workers are gathered at lunch when...

a wrinkly, old woman walks up. She approaches them with her hands behind her back and says to them, "If any of you can guess what is behind my back, you can sleep with me!"

The men all laugh before one man yells out, "I dont know. A fully grown alligator!"

The old woman shows a big s...

Pay me a complement.

Wife: I look like a fat, ugly, wrinkly, pig, be a dear and pay me a complement

Husband: Your eyesight's damn near perfect.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A middle aged woman goes to a plastic surgeon....

And says, "Look, doc, I'm feeling a little saggy and wrinkly in the face, but I live out in the country and I don't want to have to keep coming back to see you, so give me something that lasts."

The doctor says, "well you're in luck. There's a new product on the market called 'The Knob.' Basi...

The compliment seeking wife...

“Harry,” whined Mary, to her husband of 20 years. “What should I do?! I’m not ready for old age! I’m only 40 years old but I look and feel like I’m over 55! My face is all wrinkly, my back is bent over, and my hair is all thinned out.” “Well,” said Harry after looking her up and down, “There is one ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.