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A man driving past a farmer tilling his land says “excuse me sir, my cat lost it’s tail and I noticed you have some cattails over there”...

Confused, the farmer says “Yeah?...” “Can I take one, please?” The man asks politely.

“Suuuure...” the farmer says, rolling his eyes. The man comes back, a real cat’s tail in hand, says “Thank you, sir!” and carries on down the road as the farmer looked on in disbelief.

The next day th...

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He knows what he's doing

Leaving the house with a hand full of chicken wire. His father said, 'Son, where are you going?'
The son replied, 'I'm going to catch some chickens.'

Son, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire.' But the son insisted that he knew what he was doing. Later that day, the son came home wit...

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Best pals, Frank and Paul, are out for a day of golf. On the third hole, Paul accidentally putts the ball into a field of buttercups. Determined to get the ball back onto the green, he demolishes half of the flowers in the process. As he raises his club to take another swing...POOF! Mother Nature

appears. "What have you done?!! As punishment for destroying my precious buttercups, you shall have no butter for your toast ever again. No butter for baked potatoes either. Actually, no. You shall have no butter for anything...for the rest of your life!" And then, POOF! She was gone.

In tota...

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An old man was sitting on his porch one morning when a boy walked up the road carrying a large roll of chicken wire.

“Hey, boy! What are you doing with all that chicken wire?”

“I’m gonna catch some chickens, sir.”

“You fool, you can’t catch no chickens with chicken wire.”

The boy smiled and walked off. That evening he came back dragging the chicken wire with at least a dozen chickens rolled up...

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Old man is sitting on his porch when he sees little johnny walking down the street with a wagon full of tape...

Old man is sitting on his porch when he sees little johnny walking down the street with a wagon full of tape. He thinks and then screams out, "HEY KID!!! WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH THAT DUCT TAPE?!!!".

Johnny responds back, "I'm going to go catch some ducks"

The man, puzzled says, "You c...

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What do you get when you cross pussy-willows with dick-weed?

Kumquats.

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Off in the English countryside, back behind the church, there lay a secluded stretch of river, set amidst the willows, which was reserved for clergymen who wished to bathe in the nude.

Prominent signs warned against trespassing, and barriers prevented boats and punts containing females from approaching this discreet section of the river.

One fateful Sunday afternoon, as the holy men laid on the bank, the river rose up. It washed away the signs and weakened the barriers, and...

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A husband and wife were out playing golf.

They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left .

The Wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups .She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball .She hits a beautiful second shot ,but in the process she hacks the hell out of the buttercups .

Suddenl...

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Old man & a pail.

An old man was sitting on his porch one day. When a young man approached him with a gallon pail in one hand. He quickly asks the old man if he could go behind his barn & get milk from his milkweeds. The old man nods & an hour later the young man returns with a pail of milk. The next day the ...

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A pretty good joke told to me by a coworker

One day little Billy approached Mr. Johnson's house and knocked on the door. After they exchanged a few pleasantries, little Billy asked Mr. Johnson, "Sir, I noticed ya got some milkweed growing in your backyard, mind if go back there and get some milk?" Amused by the request, Mr. Johnson replied, "...

Smart neighbour

Chris is sitting on his front porch sees his neighbour walking down the street with 22 rolls of duct tape, so he asks him, "What you doing with all that duct tape?" And his neighbour replies, "I'm going to catch me some ducks". Confused, Chris tells him, "that's not how duct tape works, but okay" an...

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A little boy walked past an old mans house.

The boy had a roll of duct tape in his hands.
The old man asked him “What are you going to do with that duct tape?” The little boy replied “I’m going to catch some ducks.” “You can’t catch ducks with duct tape.” The old man replied. “Sure I can”, and the little boy walked away. Later that da...

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Playing golf and sliced into a field of buttercups.

As I was ready to hit I heard a voice that said “don’t hurt any buttercups”

I asked “who are you?”

“I’m Mother Nature, if you can chip out of this field of buttercups without harming a single one, I will guarantee you have butter everyday for the rest of your life”

I responded “...

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A man was out golfing

He shanked his ball off the tee,

When he found it, it was sitting in a patch of butter cups.

He lines up to take a swing and hears "don't hit the buttercups" he looks around but see nothing

Sets up for another swing " don't hit the buttercups" looks around, he see no one.
...

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More Golf Jokes...

On the 16th hole of the golf course, Fred had hit his ball into the woods. Harry, his partner had laughed and poked fun, but then somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods, just a few yards beyond. Fred looked for a long time, getting angrier every minute. Finally, in a patch of pretty yellow b...

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Boudreaux & Thibodeaux

One morning Thibodeaux was sitting on his dock enjoying the sunrise when Boudreaux pulls up in his boat filled with duct tape. Thibodeaux looks at him, and asks "what you doing with a boat full of duct tape?" Boudreaux replies "I'm going duck hunting! You wanna come?" "You can't hunt ducks with duc...

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[LONG] An old man...

An old man is sitting on the porch one day when a little boy comes by carrying some tape.
Old man says: "Boy what you got there?"
Boy: "I got me some duck tape, sir. "
Old man: "What you gonna do with that 'duck tape'?"
Boy: "I'm gonna catch me some ducks!"
Old man says: " Boy, don'...

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A farmer is sitting in his front porch when a kid with a wagon walks by

Kid: Hey old man I seen some buttercups out in one of your fields. Mind if I go down there and make some butter?

Farmer: You can't get butter out of a butter cup ya dumb shit. But knock yer self out.

Hour later kid comes back with his wagon half full of butter and shows the farmer. ...

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Old man sitting on his porch

When three young men walk by carrying chicken wire. Curious, the old man asks "where are you boys going with that chicken wire?" The young men reply "we're going to catch some chickens!" The old man smiles, remembering his young and foolish years, and shakes his head. A couple hours later, the same ...

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Bob and Frank are out golfing one day

And Bob hits his ball straight into the woods. Bob goes looking for it and finds it nestled in a patch of buttercups. Bob decides "Heck, I'm just going to play on through." After a few swings, Bob finally hits the ball back on the fairway but he has destroyed the buttercups. As he is walking away, a...

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A young man was walking along the roadside one day...

A young man was walking along the roadside one day trying to think of a birthday present for his girlfriend. He knew she liked flowers and just then he noticed a field of buttercups, which happened to be her favorite. So he started picking the buttercups, got a little carried away and picked the w...

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A golfer hits a ball off the fairway...

On the seventh hole, a golfer hits a ball off the fairway and it lands in a big field of flowers. He figures it's a playable lie, so he's winding up for a shot and he hears a voice behind him say, "Please don't hurt my buttercups."

The golfer turns around and he sees a woman in a flowing robe...

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An old man is sitting on his front porch

An old man is sitting on his front porch one morning when he sees little Johnny coming down the street with a roll of tape strung out behind him. Curious, the old man calls out “What ya got there Johnny?” and little Johnny calls back “I got me some duck tape. I’m gonna catch me some ducks.” The old...

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A farmer's sitting on his porch...

He sees an 8 year old kid walk by with some duct-tape and yells, "Hey kid! What you doin with that duct-tape?"

The kid answers, "I'm gonna go catch some ducks!"

The farmer thinks to himself, "well that's not really what duct-tape is for but let's let the kid have some fun."

A co...

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An old farmer is sitting on his porch...

when a young man pulls up in a car and says, "Excuse me, sir. I notice you have milkweed growing in your field, may I get some milk?" The old fellow chuckles to himself and says "You can't get milk from milkweed young man." The young man says, "I think I can sir, if you'll let me try." The farmer...

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A farmer gets on a wagon with chicken wire...

"Why does your wagon have chicken wire?", a man asks.

The farmer replies "I'm hunting chickens, so chicken wire will attract them".

The man gives him a look and says "that's not how it works."

The farmer leaves anyway.

He comes back with a wagon full of chickens.

T...

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An old man is sitting on his porch....

As a young boy strolls by holding a spool of chicken wire.
''What're ye fixin to do with that chicken wire son?'', he asks.
''I'm gonna catch me some chickens sir!'', the boy proudly states.
Half amused, the old man laughs.''Ye don't use chicken wire to catch chickens boy!?!'' But the young...

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Jim and Bob go golfing...

They're on the 18th hole and the score is close. Bob tees off.
Bob hooks the ball way off to the left where it settles in the rough.
Then Jim tees off and his is a wild slice near some shrubs. They both wander off to find their balls but Jim's is furthest from the pin.

Jim finds his ba...

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An old man is sitting on his porch

An old man is sitting on his porch when he sees a group of teenaged boys walking down the street. As the boys get closer he notices that have something rolled up under their arms. "Hey, what you boys got there?" "Don't worry about it old man," say the boys. "What is that under your arms!?" he asks a...

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Duct tape and Chicken wire.

An old man is sitting on his front porch one morning, enjoying the weather and having a cup of coffee.

Suddenly he sees a young boy walking down the road carrying several rolls of duct tape. This obviously makes him curious so he calls out, "hey son, what are you doing with all that duct tap...

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An old man is sitting on his porch drinking a beer...

**NOTE: The second part of this joke works better verbally.**

An old man is sitting on his porch drinking some beer when the neighbor's kid walks by carrying a length of chicken wire. Curious, the old man asks, "Whatcha got there sonny?"

"Some chicken wire." says the boy.

"Well...

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