My homeboy Nick L. keeps borrowing money from my other homie Deion but I can't keep watching it happen...

I'm too old to watch Nick L. owe Deion.

I've been trying to improve at Excel

I keep watching videos and reading tutorials, but I find I am continually regressing.

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Odin and Thor were walking through a canyon with a large group of warriors when Odin stopped Thor and signaled him to be quiet and listen.

After a moment, Odin shouted into the wilderness, “IS THAT YOU, VAL?”

Thor stood waiting and listenin, then whispered, “All-Father, I didn’t hear anything.”

Odin replied, “I thought I heard Val holla.”

Thor listened again. “What did Val say?”

Odin replied, “It was just...

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A married couple are sailing with a young tour guide.

There's a sudden storm and the boat gets destroyed. Luckily, all three of them survive and manage to swim towards a small island.

Once they've caught their breath, the tour guide speaks. "Let's take turns keeping watch for any ships that come by for help. I'll climb up that palm tree and keep...

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A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers…

"My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"

"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."


Moms being Moms

*Issac Newton's mother--* "But did you wash the apple before eating it?"

*Archimedes's mother--* "Didn't you have any shame running naked in the street from? And, WHO is this girl Eureka???”

*Thomas Edison's mother--* Of course I am proud that you invented the electric bulb. Now tu...

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A man's wife falls into a coma.

For the next ten days, he stays by her bedside, red-eyed and desperate. He reads to her and talks to her the entire time. Then, late one night, without knowing why, he reaches out and grabs her breast. She moans. It's the first sign she's given the entire time.

Excited, the husband runs out i...

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Dogs have a sixth sense.

A Man is hanging out by the river, watching people walk across a bridge, when a little shaggy dog walks up to him. Out of nowhere, the dog says

“Hey, did you know that we dogs have a sixth sense?”
“Really?” The man says
“Sure. That’s how we know when there are storms coming. That’s how...

I sat with my friend in his house and we had both taken some LSD.

As it started to kick in I said, 'Wow, I never thought you actually saw elephants on this stuff.'

He said, 'Shut up and keep watching my wedding video.'

Biologists are otakus.

They keep watching Cells At Work.


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The Three Nuns

One day, three nuns decided to disobey their rules and walk around the convert naked. Because the convert was visible from a road, they decided to close the blinds so no one would see them. The blinds were slightly broken so there was a single opening. the nuns decided to have one of the nuns keep w...

Son, we need to talk

'Son, we need to talk!'

'Yes, dad?'

'Your mother said she saw you watching inappropriate videos online. Those videos are trash, they’re garbage and if you keep watching them, you’ll go blind!'


'Yes, son?'

'I’m over here.'

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