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Unpacking Jokes

Unpacking my bag after arriving at the hotel in Spain and realise I forgot to pack my toiletries bag...

After the long flight I desperately needed some stuff from my bag so without hesitation went to the closest shop. I asked the Spanish man behind the counter if he had any deodorant, he replied in a broken English accent “ball or aerosol” confused I said “no no just for my armpits please”

My mother-in-law has a massive case of diarrhea....

She probably won’t find out until she gets home and starts unpacking.

Lost my job at the supermarket so trying my luck as a musician

I don’t know much but I know how to tuna can

*(Courtesy of my extremely tired brain whilst unpacking groceries)*

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Is this OC? I thought of it in the shower. Help with making it better would be appreciated.

A farmer is eating dinner with his lovely daughter. The local merchants son, known for being honest and trustworthy, walks in and says "sir I'd like to lay with your daughter." The farmer in a rage asks "Why the hell would I let you do that?" To which the merchants son reply's "I was just diagnos...

The company sent my department on a work trip

The last night before heading back home, we decided to play a prank to one of our colleges - we put a pack of condoms in his suitcase. When he got home, his wife started unpacking his stuff, and found our "gift". Without skipping a beat, he explained: "We were all given pack of condoms when we arriv...

City Man Visits the Farm

A farmer's sister and her husband come and visit from the city. After unpacking the husband asks the farmer what he is planning to do.

"Wait," the husband says let me guess, "You are going to jump in your tractor, program the GPS, turn on the AC, crank up the radio and cruise around all day....

Australians

An australian tourist flies to america. He is unpacking his bags in a hotel, rents a motorcycle and start driving. He goes 70MPH in a 40MPH speed limit roas, whan a cup is telling him to pull over. The police officer yells at him: "What is wrong with you, man?!?! Did you came here to die?!"
"No,"...

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Welcome Party

Joe moves onto a new property in some land near Yellowstone National Park - middle of nowhere, but beautiful.

A few days after unpacking his stuff, Joe sees a pickup truck drive up his long and winding driveway. This cowboy type gets out of the truck and extends his hand with a greeting.
<...

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The single girl

A short joke, but one of my favorites.

A girl in her mid twenties goes to the supermarket. When she is done with her shopping, she begins walking towards the checkout (as you do).
At the checkout sits a guy, around her age. Short brown hair, brown eyes, a cute smile. Well, kind of an att...

A man is tired of fast paced city life so he decides to move to the country

As he is unpacking his new redneck neighbor walks over to his place.

"Howdy" he shouts, "To celebrate my new neighbor moving out here I thought we should throw a little party, there's gonna be a whole lotta dancing, a whole lotta drinking and a whole lotta screwing"

The city slicker ge...

A newlywed couple decide to go on a honeymoon...

... To Florida. The husband gets there before his wife does and decides to send her an email. He finishes unpacking and types it out, but when he sends it, he misstypes the adress and accidentally sends it to an old lady whose husband had recently died. The old lady reads the message and faints. It ...

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Three men walk up to the pearly gates of heaven

Three men walk up to the pearly gates of heaven, St. peter is there to greet them. He tells the three men that heaven is a bit crowded at the moment and he can only let one of them go through right now. To be fair he tells the guys that “whoever has died the most unusual death can go ahead but the o...

It's 1975, and John and Amy had just gotten married.

They go grocery shopping for their first time as a married couple. They buy various items, including lots of jars of food.

They get home, and Amy starts unpacking. John notices something strange... Amy takes the first jar and opens it, closes it again, and puts it in the refrigerator. She goe...

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A Single Guy Moves From New York City to the DEEP Country

He is so tired of city life he decides to move to the middle of nowhere and try something new. He buys a plot of land with a small farmhouse and 100 acres.

As he is unpacking his UHaul, he sees an old beat up truck kicking up dust down the dirt road. The truck turns on his lane and a man ge...

A man just moved into a new house...

His house was really nice and so was his neighborhood. But the first time he went to his backyard, he tried to look over the fence. When he approached the fence, it started screetching at him.

"REEEEEEE!"

Startled, the man jumped back. He thought no one would believe him if he told th...

It's an Army Captain's first day as Company Commander.....

He is in his new office, unpacking his stuff and setting things up, there is a knock on the door. The new Captain wants to impress his new soldiers, so he sits down, picks up the phone, and says "Come in."

A private enters the room, the Captain holds up his finger and starts talking "Ok Ge...

"The Four Businessmen"

Four businessmen walk onto a train: one from China, one from France, one from Mexico, and one from the United States.
They all sit together in a room with an open window and begin unpacking their lunches.
The Frenchman eats half of his croissant and tosses the remainder of it out the window....

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Japanese Toilet

I'm from the UK. My best mate from uni moved to Japan a few years ago for work, he's settled down there and married a nice Japanese girl. Whenever he's been back over, he's always invited me to come and visit them, and this year I finally had the chance.

The flight over was great, the ride fr...

A man moved into a retirement home...

An elderly man decided it was time to move on. He packed his stuff and moved into a retirement home.

On his first day there, as he was unpacking his stuff into his room, he could help but notice that the woman in the room across the hall was staring at him. He thought it was odd but decided ...

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Two turtles decide to go on a picnic

It takes them two hours to get to the top of a hill. As they were unpacking their lunch the first turtle says to the second " oh no, we forgot the can opener for the beers". The second turtle says " well I'm not going to get it, while I'm gone you're going to eat my sandwich". The first turtle repli...

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The Mountain Man

Fred moves to the middle of the Rocky Mountains. There's not another living soul for miles as far as he knew. As he is unpacking his final belongings, he hears a loud knock on the door. He curiously opens the door and sees this tower of a man, about as big as they come. The mountain man looks at him...

"Scary Snack" - A joke told like a horror story

After just arriving to his new home, little 7 year old Johnny was so excited. He just couldn't wait to run inside, find his new room and start unpacking all of his toys.

The afternoon passes, dinner is eaten, and the majority of essentials are where they are needing to be. His parents help hi...

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First Day at the Rest Home

This is one of my favorite jokes. Also, my first post on Reddit. Be gentle:

An old man is checking into a rest home with his son. The old man is apprehensive about the place, but the son is reassuring.
"Don't worry, Dad," says the son. "You'll like it here." They finish unpacking and the s...

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A turtle and his girlfriend leave the house for a picnic.

They walk for a hour before finding the perfect spot. They begin unpacking their picnic basket and soon realize they have all the food but forgot their dishes and silverware.


"You should go get them," says the girl.

"Are you kidding me? It took us forever to get here. Let's just d...

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Tired of urban living

After years of the rat race, I found that I finally had enough saved to get away, as long as I did it thoughtfully. I wanted to be away from people, from cars, buildings, you name it. I didn't care if I didn't talk to anyone any more. With e-commerce so prevalent now, anything I needed could be deli...

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