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Trotting Jokes

I love the sound of trotting horses.

It's too good too good too good too good.

What's the difference between Yo Momma and a water buffalo?

About 25 pounds.


How do you change that?


Force-feed the buffalo or shave yo momma.


(I almost feel bad for trotting out a joke older than most Redditors but I can't.)

A horse owner was trying to sell a wind-broken horse

The owner was trotting him around for inspection. When he stopped, he stroked the horse's back and remarked to the prospective buyer:

"Hasn't a lovely coat?"

But the other noticed that the horse was panting, and answered:

"Ah, I like his coat all right, but I don't like his pan...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three racehorses were standing in a field.

One says, “you know, I’ve won ten races in my life.”

“And I’ve won twenty races!” Brags the second horse.

The third horse is much older then them both. He says, “That’s nothing! I’ve won fifty races!

Suddenly they all hear laughing, and they turn their heads to see a greyhound...

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An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.

"Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy."

"Oh, I'll let my husband know as soon as I get home."

"That's fine! Oh, and another thing, ma'am. It seems one of the reins has looped across the horse's back and ar...

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A British woman was touring the United States, and decided to go to a baseball game

She didn't understand the rules, but figured she could learn them by watching everyone else.

In the first inning, a batter hit a grounder and started running to first base. The man seated next to the woman jumped to his feet and shouted, "Run, you sunnuvabitch, run!"

A couple of innin...

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A semi-long joke. (Trying to be original.)

A horse walks into a Zaxby's, looking to quench its thirst, and trots up to the counter.

"I'd like a large diet coke please." Requests the horse politely.

The cashier looks bewildered but doesn't respond.

Thinking he wasn't heard, or perhaps the cashier was distracted, the horse...

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A man was crossing the countryside in his car.

He had already been on the road for some time and he had a good way still to go when his motor hiccuped and died, and refused to start again.

The man popped the hood open and spent a few moments just cursing about the situation and trying to fix the engine, but he was no mechanic, so it seeme...

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So this lady has a husband who travels a lot on work

She is worried about her safety, being alone at home all the time, and she decides to get herself a guard dog.
She goes to the kennel and asks for the most ferocious dog they have.
“That would be Mike Tyson” says the kennel owner. He goes out back and returns with a tiny little pug trotting ...

A newly wed couple is riding through the field on a donkey-cart.

After a while the donkey trips up. The man calmly gets down and looks the donkey squarely in the eyes.

"This, is the first time," he says.

Terrified the donkey keeps trotting on and tries his best to not trip again, but eventually they get to wet grass and he can't help slipping. The m...

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Fancy Toilet paper names

A big chief of a native american tribe had heard of a new invention of the white man called toilet paper, and he wanted to try it out so he sends a runner to a general store in town to buy some. The runner gets to the store and says "Need toilet paper for big chief.", to which the clerk replied, "Wh...

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A traveler is going across the desert.

He comes across an oasis in the desert. After resting for a bit he notices that he is horny. He ties his camel to a tree, gets behind it and gets ready to pleasure himself. Only then the camel looks back and the man feels guilty and unties the camel.

He gets on the camel and keeps trotting t...

A man notices a pig with a wooden leg

He calls out to the farmer and asks,"why's the pig got a wooden leg?"
The farmer replies, "it's amazing that pig, once I fell in the pond and was drowning. The pig came trotting along, jumped in and pulled me out."

"Wow, that is amazing." said the man.

"and another time I fell aslee...

A woman brings her budgie to the vet's.

It is lying very still and limp. "I'm afraid it's dead" says the vet, but the woman refuses to believe him. "Please", she says, "can't you examine it at least?" The vet goes to the door and whistles. In trots a black Labrador. The vet points to the budgie, and the dog goes over to the table, puts hi...

Two newlyweds are on their honeymoon in the Grand Canyon...

They decide to ride the donkeys down to the bottom. They're both riding along with their tour group, enjoying the view when the wife's donkey trips and falls. The husband sees this and hears her say "That's one."

The donkey gets back up and starts trotting along back down the path. A few min...

A man decides to go horseback riding near the Grand Canyon

The man walks into a ranch and asks them for a nice mellow horse to go on a day ride with. The rancher says, "Sir I have just the horse for you. It was raised at the monastery just down the road and is very tame and obedient". Soon the horse is saddled up and the man is on it. The rancher says, "Now...

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I was making an apple pie and realised I was missing an important ingredient. [long]

I got a rather verbose birthday card some time back containing a story - this is my retelling of it:

I was making an apple pie and realised I was missing an important ingredient.

Unfortunately, I was up to my elbows in sticky mixture and didn't really want to have to go through the faf...

Johnny is walking home form school...

Johnny is walking home from school. He received a bad grade on a test and then got in trouble at school. Walking up his small farm driveway he knows he is going to be in trouble and is a bad mood.

On his way to the door a chicken walks in front of him. Out of anger Johnny walks over and say...

Lost in the Desert

There's this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks.
One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep.
The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health.
Feeling better, the man asks the...

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"I need a box of Tampax"

An attractive young woman out grocery shopping wheels her cart up to the checkout line, only to realize that she's forgotten one item - tampons. An attentive bagboy notices the woman's bemused expression and asks if there's a problem. "Oh, I just forgot to get something important," the woman replies...

Horse named Few

A man goes to buy a horse one day and comes across the most astounding looking horse he has ever seen. He asked the owner if he could purchase the horse from him. The owner agrees for hefty sum of money. But tells the man that there are a few things he should know about the horse. First that the ho...

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A tired man decides he needs to get away from it all

He quits his job, packs up his belongings, and flees to a remote region of Siberia.

After days of hiking through the cold, he stumbles upon a small tribe entirely comprised of men.

“A visitor has found our humble community!” the tribe’s leader announces. “Come, join us brother!” The wh...

A man wants to buy a horse (long)

So he finds the man who owns the horse. The owner takes him to the stable. The buyer asks to take the horse for a test ride.

 

"Okay," says the owner. "But I'm a retired church pastor. The horse will only go forward if you say, 'Praise the lord.' He will only stop moving if yo...

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Y'all ever hear the one about the recently married Amish couple? NSFW

After a wonderful ceremony, the Amish groom and his new wife hopped into their buggy and started down the road...

After a little while the couple come upon a cattle farm. They see a bull mounting a cow proceeding to fuck. The wife looks to her husband and says, "Honey, what are those cows doi...

A cowboy walks into a saloon

A cowboy walks into a saloon as he's passing through town. As he sits down with his drink he notices a few rough looking locals at a table staring and pointing at him and looking generally unfriendly. He finishes his drink, and not wanting any trouble he decides he'd better get back on the road ag...

I have never seen my all time favorite joke here, so I will submit relatively original content, enjoy!

There was a newspaper in a very small Midwestern farming town, comes out once a week with local news like the new library books, or the preachers sermon, and school fundraisers. One day the editor calls the reporter in and says, "I don't know what to do about the next issue. There isn't a damn thin...

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My name is Juan

Juan was the custodian at a local grade school. Everyone loved Juan. He was so sweet and compassionate with the kids and did a wonderful job. One day the principal came up to Juan and said:

“You know Juan, you care about this school so much, maybe you should run for the board of education”...

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