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Travelled Jokes

An ant travelled across the Mexico into USA..

It's now import-ant.

My father always told me to take the road less travelled

I always thought he was giving me life advice but it turns out he was giving me drunk driving advice.

In 1946, Winston Churchill travelled to Fulton, Missouri.

He was there to deliver a speech and to present at the dedication of a bust in his honour.

After his speech, an attractive and ample woman approached the wartime Prime Minister of England and said, "Mr. Churchill, I have travelled over a hundred miles for the unveiling of your bust."

C...

Two 81 year old women travelled the world

Two 81 year old women travelled the world in 80 days after the post office lost their ashes.

I bought a world map for my room, I’m gonna put a pin on everywhere that i’ve travelled…

… but first I gotta travel to the top 2 corners of the map so it won’t fall down.


(Mitch Hedberg 2003)

A time traveller travelled 1 month into the future and opened r/Jokes

"Damn, I failed again"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once travelled the Trans-Sahara Highway in an old funeral coach with all of the badges removed.

I suppose you could say I've been through the desert in a hearse with no name.

Two Minnesota hunters travelled south to Iowa, one winter, to hunt deer.

After tracking a big stag for miles they finally get it in their sites and take it down.

As they struggled dragging the dead animal across the snowy, open fields, back to their pickup, they were stopped by a DNR officer and he asked to see their hunting licenses and stamps.

Assured...

I travelled to the future to tell you a joke...

...But none of you got it.

Why is *traveled* spelled *travelled* by the British?

Because they traveled home with that *L* in 1783

My wife is an economist and I am an engineer.

I was watching my wife make her breakfast one morning, and noticed that she made way too many trips to get each of the items she needed. So I said in my best engineer voice, “Hey sweetheart, why don’t you utilize the load maximization principle and carry all the items you need in one trip, thereby ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman travelled to japan

...to attend an important meeting with a local company's CEO. The evening before the meeting, he was anxious and decided to find some distraction by ordering a prostitute to his hotel room. The sex was good and the woman kept yelling "Hai to, hai to, hai tooooo!" until they were finished. He did not...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If I travelled back in time 100 years and went around calling everyone "gay"...

They'd all be happy

Did you hear about the guy who travelled to Czechoslovakia and wasn't allowed to leave for a long long time?

Poor guy. They made a movie about him: 12 Years A Slav.

A man travelled into the future.

He didn't know how far he travelled and wondered when he was. He asked a man what year it was but he replied "i'm busy, i'm late for work!"

The time traveller got curious about his occupation and asked him.

The man replied "I'm in the family trade, like my father and grandfather before...

I’ve just time travelled from next week to tell you who won the election

It was the rich, old white guy

Julius Ceasar time travelled to today.

He was full of questions, but I was rather busy so I showed him a few things. and I showed him how he can look things up, and translate on the internet. After about an hour I hear "Wow" so I asked "what's going on" he said "I was trying to figure out how to write 30, and I didn't expect to see that"

a man had travelled all day , and stoped at an inn to rest for a few days

man: "what are the rates for a room with 1 bed ? "
Innkeeper: "The room is $15 a night. It's $5 if you make your own bed."
man: "I'll make my own bed."
Innkeeper: "Good. I'll get you some nails and wood

An elderly couple had travelled to Jerusalem.

During their travel to Jerusalem, the wife had suddenly died of heart attack.

The doctor told the husband, "It will cost roughly $100,000 for you to bring your wife back to your own country and hold a funeral there or $100 dollars to hold a funeral here in Jerusalem. Which one do you chose?"<...

I took the road less travelled by

But so did everyone else because they saw it on Google Maps and now we're all stuck in traffic. -Robert Frost

I recently travelled to New Zealand. Everyone there really likes pointing out your religion...

...they kept calling me 'Hebrew'.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The man’s wife left him

Upset, he went for a drive and suddenly ran over a cop and crushed him to death.
Not knowing what else to do, he threw the cop in the trunk and drove to the cemetery.
When he got there, he came across a drunken watchman.
"Listen, if you bury this body with no questions asked, I'l...

Have you heard the joke about the time I time travelled?

No? Alright, I’ll tell you yesterday.

An astronaut who travelled to the edge of the universe noticed an anomalous reading...

...his shuttle readings came back to inform him there was a flat solid matter extending from his location to the universe's horizon, like a path.

He approached cautiously but a black hole suddenly formed behind the ship. The spacecraft went haywire, lights blinking, alarms blaring and he bare...

What happened to Donald Trump when he travelled to Switzerland?

He Felt the Bern

Friend: My advice for your date —-Girls like it when they think you’re well travelled.

Me, later at the date: I took 5 different buses to get here.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Nigerian football team were so disappointed with Saturday’s performance that they have said they will personally refund all expenses to fans who travelled to support them.

All they need to do is send bank details, sort codes & PINs, and they will transfer the money directly …

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