I recently travelled to New Zealand. Everyone there really likes pointing out your religion...

...they kept calling me 'Hebrew'.

A man travelled into the future.

He didn't know how far he travelled and wondered when he was. He asked a man what year it was but he replied "i'm busy, i'm late for work!"

The time traveller got curious about his occupation and asked him.

The man replied "I'm in the family trade, like my father and grandfather before...

Julius Ceasar time travelled to today.

He was full of questions, but I was rather busy so I showed him a few things. and I showed him how he can look things up, and translate on the internet. After about an hour I hear "Wow" so I asked "what's going on" he said "I was trying to figure out how to write 30, and I didn't expect to see that"

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If I travelled back in time 100 years and went around calling everyone "gay"...

They'd all be happy

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A businessman travelled to japan

...to attend an important meeting with a local company's CEO. The evening before the meeting, he was anxious and decided to find some distraction by ordering a prostitute to his hotel room. The sex was good and the woman kept yelling "Hai to, hai to, hai tooooo!" until they were finished. He did not...

An elderly couple had travelled to Jerusalem.

During their travel to Jerusalem, the wife had suddenly died of heart attack.

The doctor told the husband, "It will cost roughly $100,000 for you to bring your wife back to your own country and hold a funeral there or $100 dollars to hold a funeral here in Jerusalem. Which one do you chose?"<...

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The Nigerian football team were so disappointed with Saturday’s performance that they have said they will personally refund all expenses to fans who travelled to support them.

All they need to do is send bank details, sort codes & PINs, and they will transfer the money directly …

Why is *traveled* spelled *travelled* by the British?

Because they traveled home with that *L* in 1783

Friend: My advice for your date —-Girls like it when they think you’re well travelled.

Me, later at the date: I took 5 different buses to get here.

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what a set up, for a dad joke. it's worth it tho

full disclosure, this isn't my joke, was sent to me


I knew a bloke who was a massive fan of tractors his whole life.

When he was a kid, he didn't have toy cars or posters of lambos on his bedroom wall, he had toy tractors and trailers and posters of the latest John Deeres.

...

An astronaut who travelled to the edge of the universe noticed an anomalous reading...

...his shuttle readings came back to inform him there was a flat solid matter extending from his location to the universe's horizon, like a path.

He approached cautiously but a black hole suddenly formed behind the ship. The spacecraft went haywire, lights blinking, alarms blaring and he bare...

The caretaker of a generation ship was on his death bed

Many years before, Jacques had helped place all his friends and family into cryogenic sleep. He was a young man then and they all knew that he would likely be long dead by the time they reached their destination. They said their tearful goodbyes and drifted off to sleep.

In the years he spent...

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