UPJOKE
manmanniemanfulmenmanlymannishcommitteemansignorfellamanlinessovermanponcedandyguytarzan

The Fat Man Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dylan was practicing his golf swing in his front yard when he swung a little too hard and sent the ball through his neighbors window. He rang the bell but nobody answered so he opened the door to see an old lamp lying near broken glass and a huge fat Arabian man wearing a turban sitting on the couch

Dylan asked, "Who are you?" The fat man replied, "I am a genie you have freed from that lamp."

Dylan questioned, "Oh man, do I get three wishes?" The genie replied, "Since you freed me by accident you only get two and I get one."

Dylan thought about it and realized what he wanted, "I w...

What is the fat man who works at the lamp store trying to do?

Cellulite

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An obese man is standing naked in front of his doctor.

The doctor says, "I'm sure you are aware that you have a serious weight problem. The man says, "Doc, I know. I haven't seen my dick in 3 years." The doctor asks, "Then why don't you diet?" And the fat man says, "Why? What color is it now?"

A fat man sees a sign on a door: lose 1 pound for $1...

He puts a dollar in the slot and enters. There is a jogging track with a beautiful naked woman wearing jogging shoes. "Better start running" she says, beckoning him. Excited, he chases her around the track for an hour. Finally he catches her, she... ahem... rewards him... then he steps on the scale....

A fat man meets a skinny man

The fat man tells the skinny man: "when people look at you, they think the world's starving to death"

And the skinny man responds: "when they look at you, they know why"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fat man is urinating in public.

Another man approaches him, disgusted. "Look man, you can't do that here. Everybody can see your penis." "Wow!" is the fat man shocked. "Can you really see my penis?" "Yes, of course, we all can." explains the other man. "In that case please say hello to it for me, I haven't seen it in years."

A joke my grandpa told me, hope you like it!

Today is Billy’s 8th birthday. To celebrate, he and his dad went to McDonalds for dinner. When they arrived, they waited in line behind a large, fat man.
Billy, not being knowledgeable about social norms, says to his dad, “Look daddy! That man’s sooooo fat! Look at him!”
Billy’s dad tells him ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Giant Tapeworm

The fattest man in the world was proud of his accomplishment, he made a good living doing interviews and doing meet and greets for people in awe of his size. He noticed over time he was suddenly losing weight rapidly through no effort of his own. He ate more to compensate but still continued drop...

Who is the most polite person?

A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite.

The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies.

But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Teacher asked the class to draw a nativity scene.

When she looked at Johnny's picture, she saw Mary, Joseph, Jesus, and a big fat man. When she inquired about the fat man, Johnny said, "That's round John Virgin."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fat man is watching television

He is desperate about his weight situation, all of the sudden he sees an advertisement about losing weight on a tv channel, the woman on the tv shows 3 lose weight secrets that can be deliver to your house but without knowing what the actual product is, she also mentions to be aware of the third on...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A really fat guy went to the doctor for a physical.

As soon as the doctor saw him, he said, "Holy crap, you're huge! When was the last time you saw your dick?"

"I don't remember", replied the fat man.

"Well, why don't you diet?", suggested the doctor

Horrified,the fat man asked "Why, what color is it now?"

Christmas is just like another day at the office...

You do all the work, while the fat man in the suit gets all the credit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man in a brothel. . . .

So there is this guy, who is rather horny but not in a relationship and in a rough place in his life. He goes to a brothel with about 10 bucks... He asks the woman at the counter, I know this isn't much but what can this get me? See replies follow me. She leads him down a hallway with 2 adjacent doo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bartender is having a really miserable day and...

... he sees a really fat ugly man walk into the bar, with the biggest grin on his face. The bartender, thinking this guy has no reason to be this happy decides to ask him why the fat man is smiling so much as he comes to order his drink.

He leans in and says, "you look like you're having a go...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this overweight guy wants to lose a few kilos

He's watching TV one day and sees an ad for weight loss: Lose weight fast & cheap! Deciding he'll give it a go, he rings the number.

The lady on the other end asks him how much weight he wants to lose.
"I want to lose 5 kg" the man replies.
"Okay, just give me your credit card numbe...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.