UPJOKE
eric claptonbob dylanrolling stoneguitarrichard bellronnie hawkinsthe weighthorn sectiongeorge harrisontubarockabillyarmbandrick dankorichard manuelrobbie robertson

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Four musicians are arguing about who gives the best blowjobs in the band.

The first says, “Clarinet players are the best, because they can put so much in their mouth and still play beautifully.”

The second says, “No, it’s flute players! They can handle the mouthpiece sensitively while still using their fingers.”

The third still disagrees, and says “It’s oboe...

The band Static X just designed a lawn mower

Yeah... you push it.

I recently met the singer of the band 4 Non Blondes

My friend asked me what I said to her

I said "Hey, what's going on"

Have you heard of the band 923 Megabytes?

Probably not, they haven't had a gig yet.

We kicked the drummer out if the band because his timing was awful.

He was so upset he went to the station and threw himself behind a train.

Why did the African band win the battle of the bands?

They were Moroccan

I had my picture taken with the band R.E.M. once...

That's me in the corner.

Why was the band named "Books"

So no one would judge them by their covers

Breaking: Dexter Holland from The Offspring has declared bankruptcy after pouring most of the band's savings into this week's lottery tickets.

He asked for a 13, but they drew a 31.

The bands Def Leppard and Blind Melon did a collaboration.

They called the song “Helen Keller”.


Courtesy of my adult daughter onto which my ‘dad humor’ has clearly rubbed off!!

What does Travis Scott and the band on the titanic have in common?

Even when people are dying the show must go on

Did you hear that the band U2 gave away a free concert?

Apparently, the crowd was very Pro Bono.

So after Sonic Youth broke up Thurston Moore was asked did he have any regrets when it came to the band

And he said “Yeah, 100%”

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An upset man has filed a lawsuit against Nirvana over the band's iconic 1991 album cover.

Sounds like a baby just trying to grab some money.

I haven’t heard of the band: “The Rolling Stones” in a while,

I guess they went downhill

What's the name of the band who's music helps people sleep?

ZZZZ Top.

I think we need to pay the band more...

Why do you say that?

Because I saw them outside all having to share the same cigarette!

My friends dad went and joined the band called hinges

and they support the doors

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A horse...

... sees a rock band perform and thinks "Hey, I could do that." The horse calls up his local music store and is like "I wanna learn guitar, just one problem, I'm a horse." The employee says "don't worry we can do that." The horse goes, learns guitar for a few months, gets really good, and is pretty ...

What does Cardi B say when fondly remembering the band Nirvana

Oh Kurrrt..

The band was playing cheesy 80s music

So I ran, I ran so far away.

Why did the band kid get arrested?

He carried a sharp instrument into school!

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The Tale of the Animal Band

So there was this horse, and recently he had gone through some tough times. His wife left him, he lost his job, and rent day was coming ever closer. This is when he had a brainwave: He was going to get his childhood band back together. So the first member to convince was the cow. Now the cow was pre...

I really like the band Depeche Mode.

I just can't get enough.

What instrument did the chemist play in the band?

The base guitar.

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A band is practicing before the concert

The vocalist stops the rehearsal and says:
\-Tell the bass player that the bass is too quiet
The band continues to pratice and suddenly the vocalist stops the rehearsal again:
\-Tell the bass player that I can't hear him
The band continues practice once more, but the vocalist rea...

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with the band Garbage.

Stupid Girl.

What was the last thing the drummer said to the band?

Listen to this guys I wrote us a song.


-curtesy of Dave Grohl

A man asks a bartender: "How late does the band play?"

"Only about half a beat behind the drummer." The bartender replies.

How did the band One Direction get it's name?

Because when they're running the trainbang they're all facing... one direction.

If you wanna find the band Smash Mouth in the Bible,

Just open your Bible to Psalm... BODY ONCE TOLD ME

Why did the band Sepultura have to go to the hairdressers?

Because you could see their roots, bloody roots.

TIL the band, the B52's, are huge Shaquille O'Neal fans.

It turns out they love Shaq

I used to listen to the band Staind all the time...

But...its been a while

What does the band Pearl Jam say when they’re discouraged?

Ugh, we’re not getting Eddy Vetter!

I've been recently obsessed with the band Fish

They're having a few shows, I'm hoping to catch a live one!

A new study indicates that listening to albums by the band Queen might be bad for your health.

They have a high Mercury content!

The band U2 went to the premiere of the new Mr. Rogers film...

...because it’s a Beautiful Day in the neighborhood.

I've always wondered about the inspiration for the band name Jefferson Airplane

but I think we all know it's a historical reference by now.

Why did the anxious guitarist quit the band?

He didn't want to fret anymore.

My wife threatened to leave me because of my obsession with the band The Monkees. I thought she was joking...

Then I saw her face..

Why did they let the chicken join the band?

Because he brought his own drumsticks

Why'd the band teacher go to jai?

Because he fingered A-minor

What did the band member say after he got tired of holding his own music?

"I can't do this anymore! It's time I took a stand!"

The singer for the band Steppenwolf has been decapitated in a motorbike accident...

They found his head out on the highway...

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I’ve been thinking recently if the bands Toto, Tommy lee and Marvin Gaye firmed a band it would be

Toto lee Gaye

The band members of Foreigner have been in quarantine since this pandemic started

They have fevers of 103F

I don't know who won the battle of the bands but I know who lost

The audience

Two new recruits were on the deck of a ship.

One turns to other and says, "Its awfully quiet on deck tonight. Isn't it?"

Other recruit replies, "Everyone must be watching the band."

"There is no band on this ship."

"No, I definitely heard the captain say, a band on ship."

What is the band “Foreigner’s” favourite car to drive?

A Toyota 4 -Runner

Did you hear about the Band Aid that got scammed

he was ripped off really bad

TIL that the wife of one of the members of the band Chumbawumba had to take a brief hiatus from her breakdancing job while she was pregnant and nursing.

She got knocked up, but she got down again.

Did the band Earth, Wind, & Fire even know...

...how close they were to reaching the Avatar state?

Why did the bar owner flash the band after their last set?

To pay them with exposure.

The band "Snow Patrol" walks into a bar...

The band "Snow Patrol" walks into a bar, looking a little tipsy.

The bartender asks, "How many bars have you folks been to, tonight?"

They reply, "Just two."

The bartender says, "GET OUT!!"

What does the band Toto say when it orders a gin tonic?

Hold the lime!

A band group was practicing the night before their big performance...

The rehearsal was going great! But the guitarist went up to the band leader.

“I’m not so sure that I’m going to do well tomorrow. I really don’t want to screw it up.”

The leader replies: “our performance will be just fine as long as you don’t fret!”

The guitarist has a puzzled l...

Why was the bass player the most popular person in the band?

He was a need to know bassist.

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So there's a farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the music, and the horse says "you know what? I'm gonna learn how to do that."

So the horse calls up Guitar Center, and...

Did you guys hear the newest song from the band Stewed Fruit?

It's my jam.

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