Thanos seems a lot like a pessimist to me

Y'know, the 'universe half empty' kind of guy

What is Thanos' favorite dairy product?

Half and Half

Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared.

Apparently only DC movies can do that.

Marvel's greatest villain is Thanos. DC's greatest villain

is Rotten Tomatoes.

Thanos wasn't completely responsible for all the deaths caused by the Infinity Gauntlet...

But he had a hand in it.

When Thanos snaps...

Avengers: Oh no, he did it he managed to get rid of half the universe we did not stop him there is no hope. We are in Endgame now.

Karen: ThE VaCCinEs TurNEd My KIdS tO DuSt !!!!!

When Thanos snapped half of all life out of existence

I noticed, that no plants nor animals vanished.
Guess what he really meant was: Intelligent life.

I'm so glad my family is save.

Whats Thanos' favourite game?

Half life

Thanos goes to his urologist.

The urologist says, "Congrats Thanos, you now also have the kidney stone"

What is Thanos favorite animal?

A snapping turtle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can't the Avengers fight Thanos in the dark?

Their Vision's fucking useless.

Thanos would make a great dietician

Your diet would be perfectly balanced, as all things should be

What operating system does Thanos' devices run on?


what is Thanos favorite song?

Another One Bites the Dust

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s a thanos quote that can be used In sex?

“I’m sorry little one.”

What does Thanos, Nike, and Darth Sidious have in common?

Just Do It

(would also accept uses young children to complete goals.

What’s Thanos’ favorite kind of cookie?

Ginger snaps

Thanos should’ve thrown his shoe off the cliff on Vormir

A sole for a soul

Thanos came to Earth in 2023

seeking the six Infinity Stones. As he sat on a rock, waiting for his underlings to bring the Stones to him, three strange men arrived in front of him, seemingly out of nowhere. One wore a red cape, another bore a red shield, the third was clad in a red suit. They fought, and it was a bloody battle,...

Why does Thanos love Snapchat?

It fits his personality like a glove.

Why thanos don't like selfies ?

Because everytime he makes a snap, half of his friend list disappear.

How does Thanos smell things?

Through Thanose.

Thanos would have made a great President.

He would have achieved social distancing in a snap.

Thanos X John Wick

Advisor to Thanos: "Sir, John Wick survived the snap."

Thanos: "So?"

Advisor to Thanos; "His dog didn't."

Thanos: "Oh....."

My ex-wife's nickname is Thanos

Cuz she snapped and now half my stuff is gone.

A racist, a misandrist and a misanthropist kills Thanos

The racist, Tyrone, says: "I need it - so I can remove all the asian people. I really don't like them".

The misandrist, Evelyn, says: "No I need it more - so I can remove all men from existence!"

"Don't be silly! If you remove all the men, women will die out too!" Tyrone shout...

What is Thanos' favorite social media app?


What snapped harder than Thanos' finger?

Gwen stacy's neck

What STD did Thanos give the Avengers?


I bumped into Thanos and laughed really hard at the size of his chin and forehead...

He snapped

What does Thanos and a child with cancer have in common?

All of the avengers show up for their endgame.

How can Thanos speak english?

The rosetta stone

Trump and Thanos are a bar discussing their plans.

They are having a heated discussion when Putin comes in and asks what they are talking about.

Trump : we are going to decimate half the population including Keanu Reaves.

Putin : why Keanau Reaves?

Thanos : see..I told you nobody will care if half the population disappears?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I know how to defeat Thanos

We need to pull up his homophobic tweets from 2009.

What'd Thanos do when the avengers made him mad?

He Snapped

What’s Thanos’ favourite holiday?

Ash Wednesday

If Thanos hangs himself

He'd use a thanoose

Why does Thanos Car have top of the line tires?

The hardest choices require the strongest of wheels.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does thanos and marriage has in common?

Both can take away half your shit with a snap of a finger

What's the only thing more terrifying than Thanos wearing the Infinity Gauntlet?

Thanos wearing the Infinity Gauntlet while playing a Jet in a production of West Side Story

My New OS

So I programmed an new Operating System.

I named it as a "Tetra-Hedral Artificial Neural Operating System."

Unfortunately, ThanOS took over my computer and wiped out half my files.

Thanos snaps his fingers

Only 3000 people in China disappeared

I saw Thanos hallucinating

He needs to snap back from reality

I think my boss might actually be Thanos in disguise

Today, he snapped his fingers and half my weekend disappeared.

After looking at the various candidates, I've decided we all need to vote for Thanos 2020

It'll be a "snap decision."

What's thanos's favourite app?


Why wasn't Thanos picked for jury duty?

Because he makes snappy judgements!

After saving the universe from Thanos, Thor spent the night with a beautiful woman.

The next morning, Thor says, "Fair maiden, I must confess: I am Thor."

She replies, "*You're* Thor? I can hardly walk."

What do you call someone who admires Thanos's work?

A Fan-os

What is thanos’ least favorite symbol?

A check mark. The lines that make it aren’t perfectly balanced

Thanos jokes always seem to crack me up

Its just inevitable.

Why is cereal Thanos’s favorite food?

Because it’s part of a balanced breakfast!

Thanos, Hulk, and IronMan created a group chat...

..It’s named SnapChat

Why was OJ Simpson turned down for the role of Thanos?

The glove didn’t fit.

What is one of Thanos’ favorite things to drink?

A Snapple!

Edit: Slogan
“After a hard earned Snapture, drink a refreshing Snapple! “

(Infinity War Speculation) When Thanos gains the mind stone, he will turn into Palpatine.

Because The Avengers will pay for their lack of Vision.

Whats thanos's favorite kind of cookie

(Sorry if this is repost I'm just a bad meme)

What does Thanos use to season his food?

He uses the thyme stone

So Thanos is a farmer now...

He must be really into crop dusting

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Ant Man did beat Thanos by crawling up his butt

Would it be considered an inside job?

What is thanos’s favourite number?


What is Thanos Favorite Football team?

The Cleveland browns.

So far the have:

1 Regulatory Win

1 Overtime Win

1 Tie

1 Overtime Loss

1 Regulatory Loss

Perfectly balanced, as all things should be.

If I had a dollar for every time that Thanos told me he loves me

I would have 1500$

How come Thanos is so buff and strong?

He's a member of Snap fitness.
Sorry, had to blow the dust off of this joke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s Thanos’s sexual preference?

Bisexual. Because he likes to keep his relationships balanced.

Thor and Thanos actually had many similarities in Endgame.

For one, they were both hammered.

In Avengers: Infinity War, Thanos absolutely went crazy.

He snapped.

Why did Thor throw his axe at Thanos's chest, instead of cutting off the hand with the gauntlet?

Because he was going for the kill shot instead of disarming him.

Name Thanos's "go-to" beverage.

The Snapple

Why would the Avengers have been better able to see a solution to the infinity war if Thanos had arrived just a couple of years later?

They'd have had 2020 Vision

(I'm so sorry)

Where does Thanos like to swim?

In the Infinity Pool.

If Thanos ever had to go to a hospital

He'd be sent to the Infinity Ward

Chuck Norris passed 6 kidney stones.

Thanos used them in the Infinity Gauntlet.

What is Thanos' favorite sneaker brand?

New Balance.

Which app does Thanos use to communicate with half of the universe? (Infinity War Spoilers)


Thanos got a new phone

He added half of his contacts on Snapchat

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