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Tea Time Jokes

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Doc, you gotta help me!

A man goes to the doctors and says "Doc, you gotta help me!"

The doctor says "What's your problem?"

The guy says "Every morning I wake up with my 'morning flagpole'.. I give the missus a quick one, then go to work. On the way to work I car pool with the next door neighbor's wife who gi...

Why did the girl Koala want to break up with the boy Koala?

Not enough koala tea time.

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Three vampires walk into a bar...

The first one goes to the bartender: I'll have a blood

Second goes: I'll have a blood light

Third goes: I'll have some hot water.

The bartender gives him a cup of hot water and a perplexed look.

The third vampire pulls out a used tampon and says "Tea time"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A vampire walks into a bar...

A vampire walks into a bar and when the waitress asks the vampire what he would like. He said "A cup of hot water".

To which the waitress replies " I thought vampires drank blood?"

The vampire replies "We do, but will you please bring me a cup of hot water?" The waitress said ok and br...

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A man dies and goes to hell

He meets Satan and is told he has the choice of three rooms to spend the rest of eternity in. They enter the first room where hundreds of people are standing on their heads on top of concrete flooring. The man asks to see the next room as he can't imagine having to withstand all that pain for all of...

When can a British have some fun?

Past tea time.

As an Aussie; 10am is when I make a cuppa Twinings English Breakfast for the local marsupials

it's a really koala tea time

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With the recent cuts to benefits all claims are being investigated, anything suspicious the claiments are invited in to explain.

In Chigwell Essex Tracey had her claim for 13 children flagged as suspicious, she went to the DWP to explain.

Benefits Advisor *“Tracey, I find it hard to believe you have 13 boys all the same name, doesn't it get confusing?”*

Tracey, *“Nah, its well easy, if they're out and I want t...

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A vampire walks into a bar...

and orders a glass of blood, the bartender thinks its a bit odd, but gets him what he wants anyway.

The vampire drinks it, drops a good tip on the table and leaves. This happens for a good week or two and the bartender is getting quite used to seeing him in the bar when one day the vampire co...

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Dracula walks into a bar...

He sits down and speaks to the Bartender

Dracula: May I please have a cup of hot water and a spoon?

Bartender: Wait, aren't you Dracula the vampire?

Dracula: Of course I am. I can see that my reputation precedes me.

Bartender: But, if you a vampire why do you want hot wat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dracula walks into a pub...

When Dracula approaches the bar and orders a glass of hot water. Two men at the end notice him and ask each other what in the world he would want with a glass of hot water since all Dracula drinks is blood. So curious they decide to watch him. When the bartender returns and places the glass of hot w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's Halloween and everyone's out trick-or-treating. A bartender is working the late-night shift at the bar. He looks outside and sees everyone in crazy costumes. He sighs and picks up a glass and starts cleaning it. At around midnight, a guy in a vampire costume walks in and sits at the bar.

He says to the bartender "Hi. I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."
The bartender looks at him skeptically. "No you're not. You're just wearing a costume."
"No, no, really," he insists. "I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."
"Alright," the bartender say...

Farming

A city banker gets fed up with his immoral career so sells up and buys a pig farm in Suffolk with his wife.


He moves in and next day goes to buy a few sows and a boar. 'How will I know the sows are pregnant?' he asks the seller.


"Ah, well, the morning after, the sows be lay...

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