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Stop Eat Jokes

I saw a little boy at the bus stop eating a giant chocolate Easter bunny. I said, "Hey kid, eating that much chocolate at one time is bad for you." He looked me in the eye and said, "Well, my grandpa lived to 103."

"Oh, really? Did *he* eat a lot of chocolate?"

"No, he minded his own damn business."

**Edit:** Credit where due -- [/u/samvet21 informs me](/r/Jokes/comments/8cnjvk/i_saw_a_little_boy_at_the_bus_stop_eating_a_giant/dxhf9ku/) that the original joke was by Philadelphia comedian [Todd Gl...

The doctor said I should stop eating meat immediately for health reasons...

I asked if I had to quit cold turkey.

A bee that won’t stop eating

Will become a little chub-bee

When will people stop eating ground pork?

When pigs fly.

I need to stop eating my troubles away ,

said the hamster mother of six, five, four...

Annoyed at my constant reminders to stop eating her own body parts,

my wife threw up her hands in frustration.

Did you hear about the comedian who couldn’t stop eating?

Everything he did was in jest.

Man: Why should I stop eating deep fried cheese because you heard something in your horoscope?

Doctor: Once again, it’s stethoscope.

A young boy sat at a bus stop eating a chocolate bar.

When he finished he reached in his pocket, drew out another and ate it too. He then pulled out a 3rd bar and began to unwrap it.

A woman sitting next to him said "all that chocolate will make you fat and ruin your teeth."

The boy replied "My grandfather lived to be 126 years old."
<...

I tried to get my friend to stop eating Canada...

But he was having Nunavut.

^^^the ^^^pronunciation ^^^doesn't ^^^work ^^^that ^^^way ^^^but ^^^whatever ^^^it's ^^^OC

My dentist told me to stop eating burgers.

This left me in shock. "Why?" I said.
"Beacuse Im trying to fix your teeth and its in my way"

My wife said she'd leave me if I didn't stop eating Pasta

Now I'm feeling cannelloni

I've got a terrible addiction, I can't stop eating deli meats.

I'm trying to quit cold turkey.

I can’t stop eating these weed brownies my mom made.

I guess I have an edible complex

I really, really need to stop eating clocks

It is very time consuming

I had to stop eating alphabet soup.

I kept developing a vowel blockage.

My girlfriend said I need to stop eating frozen poultry for every meal or she was leaving me.

I said, "I'll try but I don't think I can quit cold turkey."

My doctor told me to stop eating transfats

Man, I'm going to miss Tinder.

How do you know when you should stop eating?

When you start wearing the same bra size as your wife.

I cant stop eating ice cream...

It's a rocky road to addiction.

Went to the doctor's the other day for a check up and told me i must stop eating bacon

As it brings me out in rashers

ghandi's advice

so Ghandi is giving out some free advice and a woman goes up to him and asks him to tell her son to stop eating chocolate. Ghandi says, "okay come back in a week and I will give him some advice." So after a week the woman comes back to Ghandi and Ghandi tells the kid, "Stop eating chocolate." The wo...

My angry wife controls everything. She even said I had to stop eating candy at work...

... so I had to fire her

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joke from Tony Soprano

Two bulls are grazing on the mountain: an old one and a young one, and under the mountain there is a herd of cows. The old bull is peacefully nibbling the grass, but the young bull has no time for this, he keeps admiring the cows. And so he walked, walked, came up to the old bull and said:
\- L...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."

"Stop eating caterpillars!"

They say the camera adds 10 lbs.

To which I say, “Stop eating cameras.”

My doctor said I had to lose some weight.....

He said, Stop eating fatty.

I asked, You mean like fried foods and bacon?

He said, No fatty, just stop eating.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't Eat Chicken Sandwiches!

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends.

Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is making hamburgers made of deer meat for his family for dinner one night ...

He says to his kids "try to guess whats in the hamburger. Ill give you a hint, its what mommy calls me"

Immediatly his son yells to his sister "stop eating it! Its a fucking dick!"

Wife makes cornflakes for her husband.

After eating, the husband says to his wife. "Darling I think you forgot to add cornflakes to milk. Please add cornflakes next time."
Wife: "I'll do that, but you have got to stop eating with the mask on"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

No Nut November is gonna be super easy this year.

I decided to stop eating nuts altogether. It was cutting into my masturbation time too much.

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