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Someone's House Jokes

I hate when you're over someone's house and they start asking you stupid questions.

Like "who are you" and "is that a gun?"

When I go to someone's house and they tell me to make myself at home,

the first thing I do is throw them out because I don't like visitors.

A robber went into someone's house and stole all the lamps

To his surprise, he later found the owner of said house de-lighted

Tom and his hot wife were playing golf when the ball suddenly goes inside someone's house :

Tom and his hot wife were playing golf when the ball suddenly goes inside someone's house :

They enter the house and see a broken bottle and a man.

Man: I want to thank you. I am a genie who was trapped for 1000 years in the bottle. I will give you both 1 wish each, and I will keep 1 w...

While you're at someone's house, it's pretty easy to tell if they like plants.

Just look around and see if they botany.

If I stay at someone's house and they don't have any bread available come breakfast time I will refuse to stay any longer

I'm lack toast intolerant

What would you call an addendum to burglary laws that would state that it's legal to break and enter into someone's house, provided you leave them with a gift?

The Santa clause

Thief breaks into a house

A thief broke into someone's house at night. Out of nowhere he hears "Jesus is watching you". He turns to the left, nothing, then to the right, still nothing. He hears it again "Jesus is watching you". He looks up and sees a parrot.
Thief: "What's your name?"
Parrot: "Moses"
Thief: "What id...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young couple was golfing.....[NSFW]

A young couple was golfing. The husband turn came and he hit the ball out of the golf course. The ball ended in someone's house and broke the window. The wife wanted to apologize, so they went to the house and find the owners so they can apologize. They got to the house and the door was open.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three Men are at the Gates of Heaven

And St. Peter asks them to tell their story of how they died before being let in.

The first man speaks and says "I came home one day to find my wife naked in bed. I previously suspected that she was having an affair, but this confirmed it. I looked everywhere for the guy, and I finally found ...

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