Some Flower Jokes - 43 Hilarious Some Flower Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young woman visits a florist to get some flowers for her mother.

As she's perusing, she notices the most gorgeous rose she's ever seen sitting next to the cashier, and asks for its price.

"Oh, sorry," the cashier replies. "That one's not for sale. I got that as a gift from a fellow florist for hooking him up with a woman I met yesterday."

"Yesterd...

My wife just called me and said, "Three of the girls in my office just got some flowers for the holidays. They're absolutely gorgeous!"

I replied, "That's probably why they got flowers then..."

A man brings some flowers home to his wife. She’s so surprised by his romantic gesture that she lays back on the dining table, throws her legs in the air and spreads them.

Her husband confused looks down and goes, “What’s that for?"

His wife replies, “For the flowers of course."

He thinks for a moment and asks, “Don’t we have a vase?"

So, I brought my girlfriend some flowers today...

she looked at me, sighed and said, "I guess I'll have to spread my legs now."

so I asked her, "why, don't you have a vase?"

hahahahaha

just kidding...

I don't have a girlfriend

Angelina Jolie walks into a florists.'I'd like to buy some flowers', she says. 'Orchids?' says the florist.

'No, just flowers today'.

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to prom..

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually...

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother

He started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere wi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A paedophile goings into a florist and says “I’d like to order some flowers”

“Orchids?” asks the florist

“No, just the flowers” he replied

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets himself a date and decides to surprise the girl with some flowers.

He walks into a flower shop and the florist asks "Hey, what are you looking for, specifically?"

The man says "To have sex"

Why are some flowers gangsta ?

Cause they carry pistils.

"This bouquet is missing some flowers"

I said lackadaisically.

When a husband brings home some flowers... NSFW

The first lady says: 'My husband brought home some flowers yesterday and so I had to open my legs.'

'Why?' The other lady replies incredulously, 'Don't you have a vase.'

So i was picking some flowers today

I was picking some flowers in the fields today when some pulled over and started yelling

"You're on private property,get off right now, sir!"

Hmph.

Daisy me pickin' They hatin'

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.

The florist's son handed the teacher a gift.

She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!"

"That's right!" shouted the little boy.

Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift.

She held it up, shook it and said. "...

I planted some flowers, but they never grew.

Should have seen it coming. The package did warn that they were pansies.

My wife suggested that it might be nice if I bought her some flowers for her birthday.

For some reason, she wasn't particularly happy when I handed over a bag of wholemeal, a bag of self raising and a bag of gluten free.

A boy wants to ask a girl to prom, and he really likes her so he goes all out...

He goes to the florist to buy some flowers, but the line is out the door. He thinks, "that's okay, she's worth it," and waits an hour in the flower line.

Next he goes to the candy store to get some really nice chocolates and again, the line is absurdly long. Again he thinks, "that's okay, I'...

A blonde and a brunette are walking downtown when the brunette sees her boyfriend in a flower shop.

A blonde and a brunette are walking downtown when the brunette sees her boyfriend in a flower shop. "Just great," the brunette complained to the blonde, "my boyfriend is in the flower shop buying me some flowers." The blonde responds, "Why is that a problem?" The brunette replies, "Because now he'll...

When I was in high school, I had a crush on a girl, so I asked her to the prom. She said yes.

I wanted to impress her and make her feel special, so I went to the Limosine rental place. But because it was prom season, the Limosine rental place was really busy, so the limo line was long. But I waited and waited, and eventually I booked the limo.

Next, I wanted a suit. Suits look classy....

There is a medieval town with a group of friars.

You know the ones, balding on top, fringe of hair, gray-robed religious folks. They are having a meeting to discuss the lack of donations to the church.

"Donations are at an all time low, it just isn't enough to support the church any more! Anyone have any ideas of how we could make more mone...

A boy asks a girl to the prom and she says yes.

He goes to organise a limo at the rental limo place and due to everyone else wanting a limo for the prom he has to wait in line for ages to get one.

He then goes to the flower store to buy her some flowers but again everyone is there buying flowers and he's stuck in line for seems like hours....

The outhouse

Maw asked paw one day to fix the outhouse.
So paw went out and though he didn’t see anything wrong with it, figured he’d put a fresh coat of paint on it.

A day later,
Maw: “Paw, I really do wish you’d fix the outhouse…”

Paw took a look again but didn’t see anything wrong with it...

Girls night out

Two young married women were having a girls night out on the town. Walking home from the bar they both realized they needed to pee. They saw a cemetary across the street and decided to go behind the headstones. Having nothing to wipe with, the first girl takes off her panties, wipes, then tosses the...

Junior soprano classic

So a gentleman comes home from work and buy a some flowers for her wife. Upon arriving he presents those flowers to her wife and says -" For you my sweet love".

Wife replies - "You now expect me to open my legs, don't you?

Husband - "Why, don't you have a vase?

A boy has a crush on a girl at his school. He sees that a dance is coming up soon so he decides to ask her to the dance.

Shes says yes, so he decides he should get some flowers for her. He goes to the flower shop and there is a huge line. He waits and waits for almost and hour, he eventually gets to the front and buys some roses for her. He then decides it would be a good idea to get a limo. He goes to the limo rental...

A joke I heard (it sucks but I still can tell it with a straight face)

So a high schooler needs to get ready for prom, he needs a tux to look good, some flowers to impress his girl, and a limo to bring it all together.

So he goes to the tuxedo rental shop and to his surprise there is a huge line. He gets in line and waits for hours and hours. Finally he gets hi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fucking wife's hot friend

A guy had a crush on his wife's hot friend, so he invited her for a camping trip.
while camping he wanted to get rid of his wife so he told her:Honey, why don't you go grab us some flowers? as soon as the wife went.

husband: I'll give you 20$ for a blowjob

friend: No

husband...

A little boy is ostensibly fishing in a mud-puddle with a stick and a piece of string...

A man passes and with a warm chuckle says "What are you doing there, Son? Fishing?"

"Yeah Mister." the boy replies. "I'm gonna catch some big fish and sell 'em to buy my mammy some flowers for her birthday."

"That's a good boy." the man tells him. "I'll tell you what- here's a fiver. Y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So today's my wife's birthday...

I went out and bought her some flowers and a vibrator. That's so if she doesn't like the flowers she can go fuck herself.

There once was a boy who had a crush on a girl from his highschool class

When prom came around, he gathered up the courage to ask her to be his date for the prom, and to his luck She said yes.

He had big plans for the night, and wanted everything to be perfect.

So when the time came, he first went to the tuxedo rental place, but when He Got there, there w...

So this guy is getting ready for prom

and is trying to get up the nerve to ask the cutest girl in school to the dance. After a day or so he finally musters up the courage and asks her and she says yes! He's bouncing with excitement and starts planning to get ready for prom in a few weeks.

Later that week he goes by the local flo...

Jack wants to take Emily to the prom,

And he creates a list of things he needs to do before the big night.

1. Hire a Limo

2. Hire a Kilt

3. Buy Emily some flowers

So Jack heads to the limo shop and spends a while looking through the different models available. But the line at he limo shop was really lon...

A newly wed couple were talking their new home

A newly wed couple were taking to their new home

Husband says "How about some flowers?"

The wife slyly mentions "Or Kids to help liven the place"

The Husband smiles and replys good idea

The next day, the husband brings home orchids

A couple invites another couple for dinner

Dinner is over.

The guys are talking on the couch and the women are talking at the dining table.

Guy 1: We went to a great restaurant the other day

Guy 2: What was it called?

Guy 1: Um.. I can't remember.. um.. it was some flower..

Guy 2: Lily?

Guy 1: No
...

Two particles are trapped in a field

One particle says to the other "I got you some flowers, you may have them if you quantum"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

16yo with a part time job at McDonald's comes home in a new Porsche Panamera Turbo S.

His mom screams at him, "HOW THE HELL DID YOU BUY THAT PORSCHE, WE KNOW WHAT IT COSTS."

The 16yo says, "I got it from that old lady over there, she gave me it for $1.

His mom, steaming: OMG SHE MIGHT BE A RAPIST AND A CHILD ABUSER! LET'S GO SEE HER!!"

His dad goes to the old lad...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man see a little boy walking down the street with some chicken wire in his hand.

An old man see a little boy walking down the street with some chicken wire in his hand. The old man yells out to the little boy "Hey little boy, what are you fixin' to do with that there chicken wire?" The little boy looks at the old man, thinks for a second and says "Well old man, I reckon I'm gonn...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two women were walking home from a night out...

When they both decided they needed to take a piss , so they quickly hopped over a wall into a cemetery and did their business.
A few days later the husbands of these two women were at the pub, when one said to the other "i think my wife is having a affair" "how come" the other one responded "well...

So a man goes to buy things for his gf when they go to prom.

He goes to buy her some flowers, and there is a long line. He waits for a while before he can finally get them.

He then goes to buy her some chocolates, and again there is a very long line. He reluctantly waits, so he can get them for her.

Finally, he goes to the suit store to pick out...

Prom

Billy was going to his high school's prom with his girlfriend Sally on Friday night. So Friday morning he goes to pick up his tuxedo, but there's a really long line and he has to wait 45 minutes to get his tuxedo. Then he has to go get some flowers for Sally, but again there's a long line and he has...

A teenage boy asks his crush out to prom...

She agrees and he says he is going to make it the best night of her life. He doesn't want to let her down so he goes to buy a super nice suit, but the line at the suit store is massive. He groans and reluctantly waits in line for hours before finally getting his suit.

Next, he wants ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Curious cherokee boy.

A young cherokee boy approached his wise old grandfather. " granfather", he said, how do we get owe names. "well", said grandfather. When a man becomes a father, as soon as his wife has given birth the man walks out of the tent and the first thing he sees becomes the babies name. So if ...

A man enters a flower shop...

and says..."I'd like some flowers please."

"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"

He shrugs, "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."

"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.