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Somberly Jokes

A man has his mother-in-law move in with him when she lost her job.

About a week later, he returns home from his job and finds her laying on the floor, unconscious. He calls 911, the ambulance comes and takes her off to the hospital.

He calls his wife and tells her she may have to cut her business trip short, but he'll keep her posted.

He gets to the ...

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More an anecdote than a joke, but still telling....

As Japan invaded Manchuria, the Chinese general called in his aide for daily reports.

On day one, the aide said, "Not good. More than 2000 Chinese dead, just seventeen Japanese dead."

The general dismissed him without a word.

Next day, the aide somberly reported, "1700 Chinese ...

A husband and wife are sitting at a table at her twentieth high-school reunion.

There is an incredibly drunk man slumped over at the table across from them.



“Do you know that guy?” the husband asks.



“Yes,” the wife replies somberly. “That’s my ex-boyfriend. He started drinking right after we broke up and hasn’t been sober since.”



“Go...

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A psychic looked into the future..

She saw a billboard of multiple penises ejaculating.

She left her trance in shock. Her apprentice, worried, asked "What did you see?"

The psychic said somberly "A sign of things to cum..."

A mischaracterization

Jim and Jane meet up at the playground, and Jim is looking pretty bummed. Jane asks him what’s wrong.

“I just found out I have dyslexia,” he replies somberly.

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” says Jane.

“It’s alright,” Jim replies, “I’m going to join DFK.”

“DFK? What’s that?...

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Four nuns die and walk the stairs to the pearly gates of heaven

Four nuns die and walk the stairs to the pearly gates of heaven.

They're in a queue waiting to get in, when St. Peter walks up to one and asks her to confess her sins.

The first nun confesses, "Well one time, I touched the penis of a man with one hand."

So St. Peter replies, "Ok...

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My dad's favorite joke that he created

Warning: this joke is not good in any way

Three men go on a walkabout vacation in the outback of Australia. They have never been to the continent, and unknowingly tresspassed on aboriginal grounds.

Towards dusk, they are ambushed and kidnapped by aborigines. They are taken back to thie...

My mom told me a joke

A man is hiking when he sees a little girl standing crying near a cliff. He walks up to her and asks her what's wrong.

"My mommy fell off the cliff! She tripped on the edge and fell down to the bottom there where she splattered on the ground!"

The man is shocked. "Is there anyone else...

An expecting father

John was always a loving husband. For years he was constantly on beck and call. He never strayed from his wife Marla and Marla adored John. For years and years John and Marla attempted to have children. They went to fertility clinics, they sought guidance from multiple specialists, and even tried al...

A woman walks into an embalming and burial service office

The depressed-looking woman goes up the embalmer and says, "My husband died a few days ago in a car crash. When he died, he was in a black suit. It would be very nice if you could change his suit into one that is blue after embalming him. Blue was his favorite color, so I hope you understand." The e...

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A Boy and His Grandfather.

A young boy is visiting his grandfather one day and sees him smoking a large cigar.
The boy asks "Can I have a puff of that cigar, Grandpa?"
In return the blunt grandfather asks "Can your dick touch your ass, son?"
"No sir"
"Then no cigar for you."
The next day, the boy sees his gran...

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Roger the Living Head [Story Joke]

So there's this newly married couple, and they love each other quite a bit. So they decide they're going to have a child. Nine months goes by and it's time for the child to be delivered, but when the doctors pull the baby out, it is only a head. It's still crying and healthy, but it has no body besi...

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