UPJOKE
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A baton-twirling dancer walks into bar...

The bartender is delighted to see her.

"It's so good to see a fresh face It's so drab seeing the same lawyers and rabi's here! Like, can you get any more tired of the same setup?"

"I know!" replies the dancer, "I'm so sick of those overused..."

Just then, a horse walks into a ba...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three Old Guys

Three old guys were having their early morning coffee klatsch and the first one said “I feel like I have to pee all the time, but it’s just drips and drabs! It’s just awful!
The second guy complains about pooping: I huff and puff and all I get are a few rabbit turds, it’s awfull.
The third guy...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Scotsmen go to Hell

[I know this joke has been shared a few times before but I thought I would share my Scottish cultural adaptation of it]

A demon approaches the devil and says "Dark lord! Two men from Glasgow in Scotland have been sent here. What should be done with them?"

The devil says "Glaswegians? T...

Three men arrive at a checkpoint near the gates of heaven

The first man walks up to god, who is reading the summary of his deeds before deciding which vehicle he is to use to drive to heavens gates with.

"I see you were quite unfaithful with your wife, cheating on her a total of three times." The man looks down in shame. "You are to drive up to heav...

An old man lay dying under the ceiling fan. . .

An old man lay dying under the ceiling fan, which had the bearing of a military helicopter airily surveying the aftermath of a natural disaster.

Surrounded by his son, his twin daughters and a haggard-looking nurse who looked about ready to end it all if only she could find the bloody switch,...

Two catholics join a monastary...

Two catholic men decide to go totally devout and join a monastary. Deciding it looks a bit drab outside, they decide to plant a garden despite the wishes of the others in the monastary. A simple garden, but they know a friend with a nursery with roses, petunias, and some others. Right as they are ab...

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