UPJOKE
alexz johnsonbricriuvancouverwill o' the wispparanormalinternetdisney channelghostsbigfootangelsthoughtformalbumthe x-filesvampireswerewolves

So Weird Jokes

Bullets are so weird

They only do their job AFTER they’re fired

My wife is so weird

She starts every conversation with "were you even listening to me?"

Dating apps are so weird

Apparently "must be an animal lover" doesn't mean what you think.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Isn't it so weird when you're thinking about someone and then they suddenly appear?

Anyway, my dad just caught me masturbating.

This year has been so weird it feels like tomorrow isn't election day

Oh yeah I'm not American

Why do baby calzones always look so weird?

Because they're in bread.

It's So Weird

**Even if I unplug everything, my house still sounds like tinnitus.**

A wife goes to consult a psychiatrist about her husband: “My husband is acting so weird.

He drinks his morning coffee and then he goes and eats the mug! He only leaves the handle!”

Psychiatrist: “Yes, that is weird. The handle is the best part.“

So weird.

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

Wanna know why Alabama is so weird and twisted?

Because it's in their incestors blood.

T’challa is so weird...

Like really Wakanda name is that?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does a pony sound so weird?

Because he's a little hoarse

A famous Vietnamese chef named Quan Si Ho was opening a restaurant, but couldn’t decide what to name it.

His brother Bao Ho told him: “It’s trendy to name restaurants after their best dish and the name of the chef.”

“Oh really?” said Quan.

“Yeah,” Bao said. “Like LB Steak, or Pizza Angelo. You could call yours ‘Ho Noodles’ or ‘Soup by Quan Si.’”

“That’s it!” said Quan. “I’ve thoug...

Husband & Wife Diary Entries

Wife's Diary

Bob has been acting so weird lately. Yesterday, we had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for supper. I’d been shopping with Jenny all day, so I thought he was upset because I was a bit late, but he didn't say anything about it.

Conversation over supper wasn't flowin...

Four Men are waiting outside the maternity ward...

The ward was extremely busy, so all the husbands were asked to wait in the waiting area. A short time later, the head nurse comes out, walks up to the first guy, and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.”

“That’s so weird!" answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!”
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A greyhound walks into a bar...

A greyhound walks into a bar and takes a look around. There are three horses sitting at the counter chatting away, he decides to sit close enough to overhear their conversation.

The first horse says, “I have an incredible story for you guys! I was racing last Friday, two minutes in and I am l...

(This is a bit of a dark joke, I apologize)

A drag queen from TV said this joke ages ago (Darienne Lake) and it’s still one of my favorites.
“I asked my mom why I was so weird, was I dropped on my head as a baby?”
“She said ‘oh honey…you have to be HELD in order to be dropped.’”

How to get a PhD in Music

In some colleges of music, part of the doctoral requirement is to compose an original full length symphony. Because modern music sounds so weird, a good ploy is to take a well-known classical symphony, write it backwards and submit it as an original work. One student took the daring step of taking h...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.