Why can't French vineyards produce a good Port or Sherry?

Because the French don't know how to fortify *anything*!

A mom takes her daughter to the doctor

The doctor says, “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”


The mother says, “It’s my daughter Sherry. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings.”


The doctor gives Sherry a good examination, and then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I do...

There are these two homeless guys drinking cooking sherry in an alleyway........

when one says to the other. "Man I'm starving. There's a rotten frozen dead cat in the alley back there. I've gonna go eat it. You want in on this?"

The second guy says "No way am I going to eat a rotten frozen dead cat. That's nasty." So his buddy says "Suit yourself." And goes to town eatin...

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a jew, a muslim, and a christian walk into a bar.

the bartender asks the christian what he'll have. and the christian says he'll have a bible. and the bartender asks what it is. and the christian says "oh it's a scotch with cinnamon"

and then the bartender asks what the muslim will have. and the muslim says he'll have a quran. and the barten...

Engine trouble

Fifteen minutes into the flight from New York to Phoenix, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."

Thirty minutes later the captain a...

A jockey was riding the favourite at a race meeting, and was well ahead of the field.

His horse rounded the final corner, when suddenly the jockey was hit on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages.

He managed to keep control of his mount and pulled back into the lead, only to be struck by a box of Christmas crackers and a dozen mince pies as he went over the last fence....

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A Baptist preacher, a Methodist preacher, and a Presbyterian preacher lived in the same small town.

The three were of similar age, and over the years, they and their wives became friends. All three retired within a few months of each other, and decided to rent an RV to drive across the country. Only a few days into the trip, they were in a horrible accident that killed all six of them.

The...

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A pastor and his wife are standing in line at the pearly gates of heaven.

They watch as A couple in front of them walks up to St. Peter. They request entry but St. Peter shakes his head and says to the husband, "I'm sorry but you loved money so much you married a woman named Penny. You can't enter." They hung their heads and walked away.

Another couple approached ...

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Three families die and they meet St. Peter at the Pearly Gates

St. Peter motions the first head of the family forward. "What have you done to deserve to get into heaven?"

The man dressed in a business suit said, "My family never wanted for anything and I provided whatever they needed."

"Yes." St. Peter said. "But you also loved money so much you m...

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A Navy Rhyme

A Navy man, a war hero, attends a lunch at a Ladies’ Patriotic Society. Cucumber sandwiches on crustless bread – he endures it manfully. Then the ladies, who have been at the sherry, ask to hear a Navy rhyme. Ladies, he says, I will accede to your request. But in place of each atrocious word, I will...

Two Germans walk into a bar

and they both order a sherry.
"Dry?"
"Nein, zwei."

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The old man and the boy

There once was an old man who sat on his porch all day and watched life go by. It was relaxing and interesting for him. One day, he saw a neighbourhood boy walk past with some chicken wire.

He shouted "Why you got all that chicken wire boy?" to which they reply was "Gonna catch me some chick...

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Donald Trump gets on a train with 3 well respected leaders of carious countries.

The French President, the Columbian President, the Mexican President, and an American named Donald Trump are riding in a train discussing their country's futures. Trying to out do each other, the Columbian President takes out a kilo of 100% pure Cocaine gets a tiny spoon full, takes a sniff and thro...

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Please spread my ashes over the breakroom at work.

That way Sherry from accounting can bitch about cleaning up my messes forever.

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The Gates Of Heaven

One day 3 pastors and their wives were all at the gates of heaven. The first pastor and his wife went to St.Peter. "I have loved and worshiped God all my life. Surely we will enter heaven," said the pastor. But Saint Peter replied, "You are so greedy and need money so much you married a woman named ...

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Three men & their daughters at the pearly gates

Three men, each with an adult daughter, arrive at the gates of heaven. St Peter greets them, then says to the first man, "you cannot be granted access to heaven as you have devoted your whole life to the accumulation of wealth. You even named your daughter here Penny, and she has continued the famil...

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