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Richest Jokes

The world's richest man is dying...

The world's richest man is dying. He has made peace with that.

But what is bothering him so much is that no one in the afterlife will even know that he has amassed such a colossal personal fortune. On Earth, everyone knows he's a self-made man who built this huge fortune from scratch, but he...

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Three guys are walking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a genie. Delighted, the genie says, "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."

The first guy immediately shouts out, "I want a billion dollars." *POOF*, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact $1,000,000,003.50.

The second man thinks for a bit, then says, "I want to be the richest man alive." *POOF*, he's holding papers showing his net wor...

Why is Ireland the richest country in the world?

...her capital has been Dublin for years

A women is out golfing and finds a frog trapped in the woods...

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog sa...

Charles Schulz died as one of the richest Americans of the 20th century

despite the fact he got his start making Peanuts.

Who's the richest African-American?

Elon Musk

What is the richest nut?

A CASHew

A charitable organization noticed that the richest man in town had never donated.

A representative of the organization called the man. "Our research shows that you make millions of dollars a year, and we were wondering if you'd like to donate some amount to help those in need."

The man responded, "Did your research show you that my mother is suffering from a chronic illne...

Richest Man in Town

At the funeral of the richest man in town, a stranger saw a woman crying very loudly.  The stranger said, “Are you a relative of the deceased?”
“No.”
“Then why are you crying?”
“That’s why!”

Who is the richest fish?

The Goldfish :D

A genie appears and offers a golfer three wishes.

A genie appears and offers a golfer three wishes.

“The only catch,” says the genie, “is that whatever you wish for, your wife will receive 10 times over.”

“OK,” the guy says. “I want to be the best golfer in the world.”

The genie blinks and suddenly the guy can feel a new golf s...

Who is Mexico's richest man?

Jeff Pesos

A man is trying to sell his dog to a neighbor...

"You can have this dog for only five dollars, and he can actually talk." says the man. His neighbor says, "That's ridiculous, everyone knows dogs can't speak."

The dog looks up at the neighbor with big, sad, doggy eyes and says, "Oh please, kind sir, buy me so I won't have to live with my cru...

Why are charming pirates always the richest?

Because they get all the booty

Last week Elon Musk surpassed Jeff Bezos as richest man in the world.

This week, Tom Brady's referees surpass Elon Musk as the richest men in the world

A man is taking a stroll through Central Park…

… when he finds a lamp on the ground. Curious, the man picks it up and rubs it - and a genie appears! The genie, however, apologizes - after millennia of wear and tear, he can only grant one wish, and what’s worse is that it can only be one of three options.

The first is to be the most attrac...

How do you become the richest woman in the world?

Divorce the richest man in the world.

Who's the richest fish in all the world?

Gill Bates.

Who became second richest person on earth thanks to their wife?

Jeff Bezos

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“That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest.” -Henry David Thoreau

Masturbation

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A poor Irish family...

A poor Irish family lives on a farm and they rely on their single cow for income.

One morning, the father walks outside to find their cow dead.

"There is nothing that could help get us out of poverty now," says the dad as he shoots himself.

The mom walks outside and sees the dad...

Mansa Musa, the richest man ever to live, was riding through Egypt with his giant retinue. As a show of generosity, he gave gold (of which he had much) to random passerby. One such person was a Frenchman named Ed.

Ed dit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!

Alfred Nobel lived in poverty but soon turned around his fortune and became one of the richest people in world in just a decade ......

Quite an explosive growth I've to say

there was a Saudi guy

Who was studying in Pennsylvania University.
His father was one of the richest Sheikh in middle East.
Everyday he comes to his college in his own Ferrari GT 250 while the others use public transport.
This makes him quite uncomfortable and sad.

One day he texts his dad and says " ...

Not to brag, but I’m on the “World’s Richest People” list.

Somewhere around 6,700,000,000th.

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3 men are granted 3 wishes

3 men stumble upon a lamp and they rub it, and out comes a genie. The genie says

"I will grant each of you 3 wishes."

The first man thinks long and hard, and then says

"I want to have a million dollars"

The genie snaps his fingers and poof, the man now has a million dol...

There once lived a homeless man

The homeless man is wandering about a riverbank one day, when he spots a young woman whose tripped and fell into the river.

Being the kind soul he is, he doesn't hesitate to jump in and rescue her.

All is well, as he managed to save her from drowning.

Suddenly, the richest man ...

What do you call the richest person in the soup industry?

A boullionaire

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Three fathers are discussing their son's success.

The first one says "My son started off with very little money, but he is a genius in the stock markets, and became rich just like that! Recently he even bought a friend of his a new Ferrari."

The second one says "That's nothing! My boy started working as a cleaner in a large company, and over...

Guy rubs genie bottle and he gives him 3 wishes but...

The genie tells him there's a catch:
"anything you wish for, your mother-in-law with get double the amount and more!"

Guy is fine with that.

Guy:"I wish I was the richest man in the world!"

Poof, mother in law becomes richest woman in the world.

Guy: "Ok, I want to be...

A small plane has an engine failure over the pacific ocean.

Onboard, is the pilot, the world's strongest man, the world's smartest man, and the world's richest man.

There are only 3 parachutes available.

The pilot says to the world's richest man: You're the world's richest man, so the world needs you. Take a parachute and jump.

The pil...

A man needs a cake for his daughter's birthday.

He's not the richest of men, which puts the nicer cake shops out of the question. However, he's confident that he can figure something out.

Down the road from where he lives, an old Buddhist man owns a pastry store. He's a kind man, with reasonable prices and a perpetual smile on his face. Ho...

A man finds a magic lamp while fishing.

When he rubs it, a genie appears and says: "You have three wishes, but whatever you get, your mother-in-law gets double."

The man asks for enough money to be the richest person.

The genie says: "Done. What do you want for your second wish?"

The man asks for ten dream vacation ho...

the blind and the moron

there was a chicken farm owned by a very cautious farmer. he was the richest man in town. one day, some man set out to find people to steal eggs for him from the farm but the only people he got were a blind man and a moron. so they planned out the heist. "every night" said the man, "the owner would ...

Cringe joke I came up with, I think

Who’s the richest man in South America?
Why, Jeff Pezos, of course!

Wisdom or Money?

A man goes on a trip to the desert. At one point, he walks off alone, and suddenly stumbles upon an old lamp.

It's old but may bring a few bits, he rubs the lamp and is amazed when a genie pops out!

The genie says that he will grant the man only one wish, and that he has to pick from t...

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A man is looking for a long lost treasure and comes across an old witch.

He says, "I'm looking for the Treasure of the Hidden Sea. Do you know where to find it?"

She smiles and says, "I do. But there is a price to pay if you do."

"I'll pay anything," the man says knowing that he's been looking for this treasure for three decades. "Just tell me how to get ...

There was once a man who loved to play golf.

He played every day, rain or shine, and was obsessed with getting better. One day, he heard about a mystical golf course deep in the forest that was said to be enchanted. Legend had it that if you played a round there, you would magically improve your golf game by ten strokes.

The man was ske...

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A man goes to a bank every wednesday to deposit hundreds of thousands

He comes in with a big bag of money, every wednesday and deposits large amounts of money. The manager gets suspicious after a while and when the next wednesday comes, approaches the man:

-Good morning and welcome sir, you must be one the richest customers of our bank. We are thankful for choo...

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Robin Hood goes out on another mission

Same old same old, steal from the rich, give to the poor.

On this particular run he decides to go to a new town and find the wealthiest man to rob.

Being that he didn’t know anybody, he asked a bum he met on the road who the richest man in town was.

After learning this, Robin Ho...

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3 men are wandering the desert and find a magic lamp

One of them picks it up and gives it a rub and a genie pops out.

"Thank you for freeing me, as a sign of gratitude I shall grant each of you 3 wishes."

The first man quickly speaks "I wish I had a million dollars!" the genie nods and the man gets his phone, checks his bank account and ...

Bill Gates: "You owe me one!"

Jeff Bezos: "What do you want?"

BG: "I don't care how you pull it off but I want my title back. I need to be the world's richest man again."

JB: "I got an idea. Be right back."

A man rubs a lamp and a genie pops out...

The genie tells the man that he can make three wishes, but the only condition is that whatever he gets, his ex wife will get double.

Perturbed but accepting the offer, he wishes for a large mansion. POOF! He has a large mansion, but sure enough, his ex wife gets two.

For his second w...

An Irishman, a Scotsman and an Englishman are on a plane.

The engine dies and they know they're screwed.
Looking around the cabin they find only two parachutes.

The Englishman says "I'm the richest so I should get one of them. My money can do the most for the world"

The scotsman says "my families the biggest so I should get one, there'd be...

A jewelry store owner and his two employees go on lunch break together

At the restaurant they find a lamp on the booth seat.

The owner rubs it and a genie appears; "Ye who have summoned me, I will grant three wishes. Since there's three of you here, you each get one wish."

The first employee says "I wish I was riding a jetski by a tropical beach crowded ...

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3 men are wandering trough a desert.

3 men are wandering lost and hungry through a desert.
They've all but given up hope to make it out alive when they stumble upon a golden lamp in the sand. One of them picks it up and start rubbing the sand off of it. As the last grain of sand falls off the lamp a magical genie appears and with ...

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A plane is about to crash..

A plane is about to crash. The white woman begins to put make up on... everyone asks her what she is doing. She says its because everyone looks for the prettiest woman first. An asian woman stuffs a bunch of money into her clothes, someone asks her what she is doing... She says that they always look...

Blind pilots

So i went flying. I entered the airplane looked for my seat and sat down, just as every usual flight.
Suddenly I see the pilots entering. They both are wearing sunglasses and blind sticks.
I asked the stewardess: "sorry, who are these two? They cant be our pilots, can they?"
"those are one ...

In Medieval Europe, there once was a triangular lake.

This triangular lake was quite large; so large, in fact, that three separate kingdoms were built on each side of this lake. These kingdoms were very different one from another.
The first kingdom was the richest - smooth stone walls built like a fortress, lavish houses for all, and a generous king...

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There was a princess

who came of age, so her parents the King and Queen called for all princes to come and court her.

Day after day, each suitor came by, telling the princess what they would give her and why she should marry them. This went on for a few weeks, and the princess remained unsatisfied.

Sudden...

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American, French, Italian and Russian male, with Spanish female are on a yacht for travel around the world...

After a while, the men gathered to decide and find out who will be courting the Spanish lady.

The American said:

-I will do it, I am the richest, and you know that who pays, he gets the goods!

The Frenchman:

-No, I'll be courting her, as a Frenchman, we are the most lovin...

The Ginnie and the Politicians [LONG]

There are three politicians, the Chinese, the Russian and the American, they found a Ginnie and the Ginnie says, I can make 3 wishes, and you are three, so one whish for each one, they agree and the Chinese goes first,

Chinese: I want to make my country one of the richest, give me mountains o...

A man walks into a bar and sees a guy with a big orange head sitting alone in the corner.

He walks up to the barman and asks: "What's with that guy over there with the big orange head?"

The barman replies: "Buy him a drink and he might tell you his story"

So the man buys two drinks and walks over to the man with the big orange head sitting in the corner. He sits at his tabl...

Tax.

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to £100...
If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this...

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay £1.
The sixth would pay £3.
The se...

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A dwarf is sent to prison for securities fraud

One night he is able to slip under the fence and escape. He runs into the woods for as long as he can, and decides to hide in a tree, in case the guards come to track him down. After some time he falls asleep, being exhausted from running so far. He dreams of freedom and spending his hidden fortune....

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