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Rcmp Jokes

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An RCMP officer stopped at Sandy Bay First Nations and talked to an elderly Indigenous gentleman standing on the road.

He told the old man, "I need to inspect this land for illegally grown drugs."

"Okay," the elder said reluctantly, "but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed to the location. The officer verbally exploded & said, "look mister, I have the authority of the federal government...

Crows...

The RCMP found over 2000 dead crows on Alberta hwys recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impact...

A blond starts working for the RCMP

As part of her job, she sometimes goes out on hiking trails to see if anyone needs help. One day, her boss calls her in to talk with her.

Her boss tells her, "We have been getting a lot of people saying you saved them from hypothermia. More than anyone else in the RCMP! We would like to know;...

A sad story

The day after his mother-in-law disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Twillingate, Newfoundland
man answered his door to find two grim-faced RCMP officers.

"We're sorry Mr. Flynn, but we have some information about your mother-in-law," said one of the officers.

"Tell me! Did you fin...

Close Call

A Newfoundland farmer named Angus had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.

In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Angus.

"Didn't you say to the RCMP at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?'" asked the solicitor.

An...

Excerpt from a newspaper, "Cocaine found on sidewalk"

"On Oct. 19, a small bag of a white powdered substance was found laying on the sidewalk of 50th Street and 49th Avenue in Sedgewick. The substance was determined to be cocaine.

"The owner of the cocaine is welcome to come into the Killam/Forestburg RCMP detachment to claim their property."...

I just disconnected my home alarm and left the neighborhood watch program.

I raised 2 Pakistani flags at each corner of the house and a black ISIS flag in the middle of the yard.
I have the FBI, NSA, MI6, MI5, RCMP, CSIS and a few other agencies watching the house 24/7.
I’ve never felt safer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A contest is announced for all the police agencies in the world

A contest is announced for all the police agencies in the world and after all the qualifying rounds were completed three police agencies were shortlisted for the finals, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, France National Police and NYPD.

Just so it happened that a tiger was terrorizing a near...

A Canadian cop is watching the bar after last call (Long)

Recently, during a routine patrol, an RCMP patrolman parked down the street, outside a Legion Hall just off the main Street at Dauphin, Manitoba.

After last call, the officer observed a man leaving the Legion Hall. The gentleman was so intoxicated that he could barely walk. He then stumbled a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Be careful what you wish for

Two men are speeding through Saskatchewan when an RCMP officer pulls them over. The officer walks up to the drivers window and taps on it with his nightstick. The driver rolls down the window and SMACK! The officer clubs him on the head! "This is Saskatchewan, boy! when you get pulled over here you ...

So there were these politicians in a bus

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when the bus suddenly ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer’s field.

The old farmer heard the tragic crash, so he rushed over to investigate. He then began digging a large grave to bury the politicians.

A few hours la...

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