UPJOKE
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"What's your name, son?" The principal asked his student.

The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-David, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who filled out by Birth Certificate was an asshole."

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A student visits the principal’s office one day and the principal says to him, “What’s your name, son?” He replies, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” The principal looks up and asks him, “Oh, do you have a stutter?”

The student replies, “No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”

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A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her 3rd grade class. The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Principal: 6+6.

Boy: 12.

The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send ...

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One day, Billy's teacher asked him, " I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?"

Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."

"Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"

"Maybe it was a tricycle."

"Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!"
...

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What starts with “f” and ends with “k”?

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what exactly is your problem?”
Harry answered, “I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she! I think I should be in the 3rd gra...

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A professor, a janitor, and the school's principal are leaving for the day when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After just a few minutes, he ca...

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A new teacher is assigned to teach geography class in school.

When she enters the classroom, she's horrified by what she sees. The kids are fighting, cursing, throwing chairs, drinking, and smoking.

"Hello class" she says.

"Fuck off, bitch!" the kids shout back.

Crying, the new teacher runs to the principal's office.

The principal...

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A school principal arrives in his office when the phone rings.

"I'm afraid my daughter won't be in school today," says the voice on the other line. "She has a terrible cold."

"I'm sorry to hear this," says the principal. "I hope her cold gets better soon. Who is this calling?"

"This is my mom."

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A teacher asked...

A teacher asked Johnny, "What does a chicken give us?"

Johnny replied, "eggs."

"Very good, Johnny. Jessica, what does a sheep give us?"

"Wool."

"Very good, Jessica. Robbie, what does a cow give us?"

"Homework."

Apparently Robbie has his own seat in the princ...

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A principal notices a Post-It on a locker.

"Jocks of JFK High! This small change in diet can boost your physique FOREVER! Head to the gym to find out how!"

Puzzled, he pulls it off and continues down the hall. Just a few lockers down, another catches his eye.

"Hey goth girls! Tired of dark eyeliner that just runs all day? One ...

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Male pupil: The principal of our school is stupid.

Female pupil: Do you know who I am?


Male pupil: I don’t know.


Female pupil: The principal’s daughter.


Male pupil: Hey, do you know who I am?


Female pupil: I don’t know.


Male pupil: That’s good.

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Principal walks into a history class

A principal walks in the school grounds to see how well the students do in their classes.

He walks into a history class and asks the teacher to stop the lesson, so he can ask a few questions.

"Tell me, kids... Do you know who killed Julius Caesar?". The classroom stays silent...
...

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Principal daughter

Boy: The principal is so dumb!

Girl: Do you know who I am?

Boy: No...

Girl: I am the principal's daughter!

Boy: Do you know who I am?

Girl: No...

Boy: Good! *Walks away

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Ivy League School Principal, Mr. Marquez, and Community College Principal, Mr. Davidson, were arguing that their respective students were the most fearless.

Ivy League school principal called his students and asked them to jump in sea full of sharks.

They jumped.

Principal said: “See the guts…”

Community College principal called his students and asked them to jump.

They said: "Have you completely lost your marbles, Mr. Davids...

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My principal wanted to suspend me because I showed up to school wasted

...but he didn't when he realized I can't hang

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What do you call a principal that used to be a prostitute?

The Head Master

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The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to...

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A boy tells his father "Dad, my math teacher is asking to see you.”

The father asks "What happened?"

“Well, she asks me, 'how much is 7 x 9?' I answer '63' , then she asks, 'and 9 x 7?' so I ask 'what's the fucking difference?'"

"Indeed, what is the difference?" says the father. ''Sure, I'll go.''

The next day, the boy comes home from school an...

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A high school principal made an announcement at an assembly.

He said, "Boys and girls, the faculty have witnessed an alarming increase in public displays of affection, which are against school policy. Effective immediately, we will start issuing fines to those caught doing this. A first offense will be $5. A second offense will be $10. A third offense will be...

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The principal was sleeping with my teacher

Everybody knew it, it was so awkward. He was so brash, calling her into his office right in the middle of the school day. The other cool thing about being homeschooled…

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My talk with the Principal

I was a cocky little turd when I was younger. I remember getting called into the principal's office once when I was 9 years old.

"You're behavior is getting worse and worse each day. Standards really are slipping."

"Ahem, I'll do the talking" he said.

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Boy- I hate our principal!

Girl- Ummm I don't think you know who I am...

Boy- Who?

Girl- I'm the principal's daughter bitch

Boy- So do you know who I am?

Girl- No...

Boy- Good! (Walks away quickly)

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Little Jimmy got called into the principal's office.

"Jimmy," the principal said, "you can't bring your cat to school." "I'm sorry, mister, I had to. I was afraid for his life." Confused, the principal asked him what he meant. Jimmy replied: "I heard my dad say 'when the kids go to school, I'm going to tear that pussy apart.'"

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The principal said that he will call my dad.

Can't wait to see him.

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I was at the principals office today.

Mom: Why?

Me: I threw a lamp at the depressed kid and told him to lighten up.

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The principal at my school called me in to his office today. He said "I've just had a rock thrown through my window, are you responsible?"

No, I'm irresponsible. That's why I threw it.

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Three boys were called to the principals office...

When the first boy comes in, the principal asks him:

"now, why are you here little boy?"

"I was just keeping Morale high" the boy answers.

"well that's not a bad thing..." the principal thinks for himself.



When the second boy comes in, the principal asks him:
...

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Why did the rectangle get sent to the principal's office?

He said a square word

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Where does the architecture school's principal send bad students?

To the suspension bridge.


This joke can't even hold itself up...

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What happens when Principal Skinner gets a prostate exam?

The doctor puts his Arm in Tamzarian.

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Principal: Sorry for calling you in, but your son set the school on fire.

Parents: Arson?

Principal: Yes, your son.

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Mother: "Come on, Victor, you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for school."

Victor: "Mom, do I have to? All the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me, too."

Mother: "Yes, you do."

Victor: "Give me one good reason."

Mother: "Because you're 47 years old, and you're the principal."

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a boy was asked to think of three good quotes at school

he went home and asked his mother, she said “a fool and his money are soon parted”

he asked his father, he said “ask and you shall receive”

he asked his grandfather, who served the military, he said, “where the battle rages, there the loyalty of the soldier is proved”

he went ba...

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Why did Ruldolph have to go to the principal's office? (Nsfw)

Because he went down in History.

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"Dad, my math teacher wants you to come in to speak with her," said Billy after coming home on Monday.

"Why, what happened?" Asked his father.

"Well, she asked me to multiply 7 times 9, so I did and told her 63. Then she asked me to multiply 9 times 7, so I told her what's the fucking point if the answer's going to be the same."

"Well yeah, what IS the point if you already answered her ...

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The phone rang in the principal's office...

Principal: "Hello?"

Caller: "Umm yes hi, my son won't be coming to school today because he's got the flu."

Principal: "OK and who may I ask is speaking?"

Caller: "Umm my dad."

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A high school janitor goes to the principal's office

He tells the principal how the girls won't stop kissing the bathroom mirrors everyday to leave their lipstick marks, and how it is difficult to clean. The principal announces over the loudspeaker at the beginning of the day and tells the culprits to stop immediately. Things just got worse after this...

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Jack is a talented drawer

Everything he draws looks real.

One day he draws a giant mosquito on the wall in his high school. After awhile, his teacher spots the mosquito and slaps it as hard as she can. Unfortunately she broke her arm. She finds out that this was jack’s drawing and takes him to the principals office. <...

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My principal doesn't allow guns in school...

...So i had to put on a long sleeve shirt

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Tom, Harry and Dick go to the principal's office..

Tom, Harry and Dick were misbehaving when they were playing outside in school so the teacher sends them to the principal's office.
Tom was the first to be called in to the office. The principal asks him "Why were you sent to my office?".
He replies with "I was being bad when I was playing in...

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Why was the hot teacher promoted to principal?

Because she was the Headmaster!




My first submitted joke :)

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Mr. Richard Messina, an elementary-school principal, receives a phone call one morning.

The caller says, "Mr. Messina, my son Johnny will not come to school today, because he's sick."

Mr. Messina asks, "Who am I speaking to, please?"

The caller responds, "I am my father."

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So Putin decides to change Russia's Identity

He calls the Queen of Great Britain for advice.

Putin - "Queen Elizabeth, I'd like to have Russia be a Kingdom. I feel it would give it the gravitas it deserves"

The Queen - "But Vladimir, you need to have a king to be a Kingdom"

Putin - "Well what about a Principality then?" ...

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A freshman is talking to the new girl in school. “You’ll like it here,” he tells her. “Everyone is pretty chill, the teachers are all nice, but the principal is kind of a moron.”

“Do you know who I am?” the girl asks her new classmate. “I’m the daughter of the principal.”
The boy is silent and then asks her, “Do you know who I am?”
She shakes her head no. “Good,” says the boy as he walks away.

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I was sent to the Principal because I forgot my tendon A and tendon B at home.

All I brought was my tendon C to make bad puns.

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The principal at our school once gave detention to a student for illegally downloading Justin Bieber songs online for free.

Even worse, he expelled another student who actually *paid* for his album.

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Donald trump and Queen

Donald Trump is meeting The Queen, and he says to her:

“As I'm the President, I'm thinking of changing how the country is referred to, and I'm thinking that it should be a Kingdom."

To which the Queen replies. ‘I'm sorry Mr Trump, but to be a Kingdom, you have to have a King in charge ...

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The principal of a school stops by a teacher's room...

and tells her, "I'm sorry for not telling you sooner, you're going to have three new students today, from out in the country."
The teacher prepares three new desks, and waits all morning, but no new students show up. That is, until one boy in a pair of overalls runs in at about 10:00 a.m. and say...

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If kings are in charge of kingdoms, emperors are in charge of empires, and princes are in charge of principalities....

....then who is in charge of a country?

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The gym teacher gets a handgun, the janitor gets a shot gun, and the principal gets an uzi. What do they arm the lunch lady with?

A salt rifle

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Who is calling

The telephone rings in the principal's office at a school.

"Hello, this is Dunn Elementary," answers the principal.

"Hi. Jimmy won't be able to come to school all next week,"
replies the voice.

"Well, what seems to be the problem with him?"

"We are all going on a fami...

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My dad said this at his retirement... he is a former principal

"I remember a time when Harass was two words.

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One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.

MOM : “Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school.”

SON : “But why, Mama? I don’t want to go to school.”

MOM : “Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go to school.”

SON : “One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me.”

MOM : “Oh! that’s not a reason. Come...

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What did the Christan principal say when she kicked a student out of school?

THE POWER OF CHRIST EXPELS YOU.

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Son to father

Son: Dad , maths teacher has summoned you.

Dad: what did you do now?

Son: he asked what is 5 times 10, i said 50. Now whats 10 times 5

Father: what kind of shitfuckery is this?

Son: exactly thats what i said.

next day…

Son: Did you visit maths teacher?
...

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My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he sai...

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Little Johnny has issues at school [Long] NSFW

Little Johnny: Dad my math teacher has called you to school

Dad: and why’s that ?

Little Johnny : he asked what’s 6x9 and I said 54. He then asked what’s 9x6...

Dad: isn’t that the same fucking question again?

Little Johnny: that’s exactly what I said !?!

Next day<...

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Jack says “mom I don’t want to go to school today.”

Mom: aww how come?

Jack: The kids bully me. They make fun of me, do pranks on me and they don’t listen to me when I tell them to stop.

Mom: Is that so?

Jack: The teachers ignore me as well. They say that I need to deal with my own problems. They even laugh at me and talk behind...

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As principal of the Catholic school, Mother Superior had seen her share of kids gone astray. From smoking cigarettes or pot to fighting and much more. However, it was uncanny how she always caught the guilty ones and set them straight.

I guess you could say she was Nun The Wiser

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"Dad, there is a small get-together tomorrow at my school."

"Small get-together? How small?"
"Just you and me... and the principal."

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The student asks his teacher: Can i go to the bathroom?

Teacher: I don't know, can you?
Student: Yes, i can.
The student leaves for the bathroom.
3 hours later, in detention
Student: Principal!
Principal: What is it?
Student: My 3 hours in detention have finished, can i leave?
Principal: It's "may".
Student: No, i...

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3 students at a high school get into trouble and are put on detention after school.

But instead of just sitting in a classroom they are tasked with helping the school Janitor clean the school basement.

So they set about clearing the basement. They find loads of old junk, which had accumulated over the 80 years the school had been open.

After about an hour of movi...

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The principal confiscated my CD's and microSD full of songs from 1980's shoot-em-up video games, specifically the ones mentioning eagles.

He said it was illegal contraband.

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What did the inflatable principal say to the inflatable student who brought a pin to the inflatable school?

Not only have you let me down, you have also let the school down but mainly you have let yourself down.

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The teacher in Little Johnny's school asked the class...

...what their mothers did for a living. One little girl said her mother was a doctor, another said her mother was an engineer.

When it was Little Johnny's turn, he stood up and said:

"My mom's a streetwalker."

Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's o...

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What do you call the the Head of the Washington D.C. Financial Ethics Board?

>!They would be the Capitol Capital Principle Principal!<

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A young Spanish teacher, fresh out of college, is hired at a public school.

On her first day, the principal decides to observe, and sits down next to Little Johnny. She starts writing a sentence in Spanish on the board. As she does, a piece of chalk breaks and she bends down to pick it up. When she finishes writing her sentence, she asks, "Now, kids, who can translate this ...

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