UPJOKE
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Positive Thing Jokes

One positive thing about voyeurs:

They tend to be real peephole pleasers

What’s the most positive thing about 2022 so far?

COVID tests

The only positive thing about my life is...

my HIV test.

My crush told me that I'm pretty.

Well, the whole sentence was "you're pretty annoying", but I focus only on the positive things.

There is one positive thing about a group of horses going to the glue factory...

they'll really stick together.

Two men were talking one day and one mentioned he was visiting the USSR.

The friend tells him that it's politically rough over there and that they check letters leaving the country for dissenters. So, he instructs the man to use a code - write in black ink if everything is fine and red ink if things are bad. The man goes to the USSR and a few weeks later the friend gets ...

My whole week was a disaster

Wife died
Dog walked away
Car crashed into a tree
My house burned down

The only positive thing were the results of my cancer tests

I got called pretty today...

well actually the full statement was "you're pretty dumb" but I'm only focusing on the positive things today

I'm an optimistic pessimist.

I'm positive things will go wrong.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“This is good!”

Once there was a king. His best friend was a commoner, a man who was the son of one of the royal housekeepers. They were of an age, and had grown up playing together in the palace gardens.

As they grew older, the king found himself more and more impressed with his friend’s ability to always ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man dies before being resuscitated

And ends up going to hell for a few minutes before coming back to life. His friend asks him what death was like, and he had only positive things to say about hell: "Oh man, it was great. There were beautiful women, all you could drink, basically a free for all party down there. The only thing is, yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little duckling got lost...

...and is walking all alone across cold and misty farmland in the early morning.
A farmer -hard at work already- suddenly notices the little duckling and sympathizes with its plight.
He looks around and sees a fresh steaming cow pie. He doesn't hesitate a moment and picks up the little ducklin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four men sit in a bar...

when the fourth man goes to toilet. The men start talking about their kids.

The first one starts off:

"I was disappointed at first by my son. He used to be a car sales man and he had such a little salary. Suddenly he started to rise on his job and he went to be a medium sales man, to ...

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