When does Sean Connery's accent provide more information than regular English?

When he's sitting on a toilet.

(and you just read that in his voice)

Historians have discovered more information about the Ancient Greek hero, Bophades

According to Ancient Greek mythology, Bophades was a powerful hero, much like Achilles. In fact, the two heroes are very similar. Achilles had a weakness in his heels, and historians have now discovered that Bophades had a weakness in his groin. Many people have heard of Achilles's heel, but have yo...

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This is as good a day as any to post this old one...

An older catholic priest is sweeping up between the pews after mass when a very attractive scantily clad young woman rushes into the church. She is visibly upset as she runs up to the priest, holding her face in her hands and sobbing.

Although the priest noticed her ample physique and skim...

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A middle-aged guy decides it’s time to get fit so he heads down to his local gym.

When he gets there he sees a poster promising “6 month super motivational packages, available in Silver, Gold and Platinum”.

Intrigued the guy asks for more information.
The guy from the gym says “OK” and calls for someone to come out from the back office. A beautiful fit woman comes out a...

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The Politician and Sex Workers

A politician visited Sex Workers Anonymous in order to get more information about how these women in his community were doing. He meets three poor prostitutes and speaks to them that their lifestyle is hurting them and that depending on how often they were engaged in the business, he would provide t...

A mathematician, a biologist and a statistician sat at a bar

Across the street they saw a man and a woman enter a building. 30 minutes later the man and the woman appears with a child.

The statistician said that this is clearly a case of faulty data. There is more information here than we have.

Nonsense, said the biologist. Clearly this is a sim...

Take care while walking on uneven pavements.

For more information- see trip advisor.

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One winter day, Donald Trump looks out his window...

and notices a large yellow scribble imprinted on the snow that has covered the White House lawn. He was horrified to see that it was in fact a message that read, "Trump is an arse".

Trump immediately ordered his Secret Service agents to investigate this; within a few hours, they reported to h...

Aboriginal Rituals

A couple years back, I stumbled on a surprising reference to the astonishing longevity of Aboriginal shamans living in the Australian outback. Reliable birth records aren't available before the early 20th century, but government officials have noted an astounding number of nonagenarians and centenar...

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[nsfw] A guy wants to join the monastery...

A guy wants to join the monastery, but he isn't too sure yet and makes an appointment with the abbot for a tour and some more information.
When he gets there, the abbot gives him the grand tour. The abbot takes him to see the gardens, the chapel, sleeping quarters,... After he saw the entire abbe...

A Mexican woman gave birth to identical twins and gave them up for adoption...

A couple from another state was looking to adopt twins, so they called and asked for more information. The lady at the adoption agency emailed a pic of one of the boys, along with the details.

"You only sent one picture," the wife says. "Where's his brother?"

"Don't worry," says the la...

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Free beer

A man is just walking down the street one night, and he stumbles across a bar. In the bar window reads a sign "Free beer for life, talk with the bar tender for more information". Out of curiousity the man enters. Inside he asks the bartender "Whats with the sign in the window?" The bartender replies...

One day Jesus was strolling around...

...when he comes across a sad old man, searching something desperately.
"What are you searching for old man?" He asks.
"My son." responds the old man.
Jesus tells the man that he will aid him in finding his son. But wanta more information: "Do you have any information about him? Anything s...

A man is on his death bed and he tells his wife fight never to fight with her in laws after his death.

He says otherwise every time she fights his body would turn in his grave. She agrees and he dies peacefully. The wife lives her life out and when dies is buried in the same cemetery. At the night she asks her neighbors have they seen her husband Bob.

The neighbors tell her there are like hund...

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In hard times, a young woman becomes a prostitute...

For obvious reasons, she tries to keep this hidden from her only relative, her old grandma.

One cold evening, the brothel that the prostitute works in is raided by police. All sex workers are forced to wait in a line outside to show identification and documents.

As luck would have it, ...

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A guy walks into a bar and notices a large glass full of money...

... He asks the bartender what is the glass for and he responds:
- It's an old bet I have going on, if you win you get all the money in the glass and a keys to a new Ferrari.
- Well tell me what I have to do to win! He responds.
- First you gotta pay up, ten bucks.
Not sure if he wanted ...

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My friend became a woman

We hadn't met since High School, I think, but yesterday he (she) recognized me at the pub and started a nice little talk, since we were "best buddies".

My curiosity, however, really wanted more information about his (her) operation:

"So... Did it hurt, I mean, the surgery? I hope I'm ...

A man is flying a hot air balloon and thinks he's lost...

so he gets closer to the ground and sees a man walking by. He calls down to him, "hey, do you know where I am?"

The man thinks for a second and says, "you're at exactly 58.2 degrees north by 48.7 degrees west, you're standing still now but your approach velocity was 5.1 m/s at an angle of 2....

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