The police chief asked, "Do you have any leads or suspects for the murder case?" The officer responded, "I'd like to interview the bartender wearing high heels and a leopard print dress." The chief frowned and said...

"Please, just wear your police uniform."

I'm so proud of my son, the police chief himself said that he's a boy who's going far

Apparently, he already crossed the Mexican border.

The police chief is interviewing applicants for a detective job.

The chief says to the three applicants "Alright, one of the most important things for a detective is to have good observational skills, so I'm going to give you all a little test. You'll each get a photo to examine for just five seconds, then you have to tell me what you notice about the subject's a...

My local police chief does a talk on heroin...

So you can't understand any of it.

Why did the police chief tell his officers to show up 15 minutes early to the political demonstration?

To beat the crowds.

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Why did the police chief hate going into the basement?

Because it was beneath his station.

:P

The queen arrives in New York and hops in a limousine....

She looks at the car and asks the driver if she could drive, because she said she never drives in Britain, and wants to see what its like. So the driver and the queen switch seats and she starts driving 50, 80, 100 mph. She eventually gets pulled over and roles down the window, and the cop is shocke...

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John gets pulled over on the highway for speeding

The cop walks up to John's car and says, "Are you aware you were going 80 in a 55 zone?"

John: "I'm sorry officer, I don't have the license to this car because I shouldn't even be driving it. I jacked it from the guy I just killed. The gun I used to kill him is right here in the glove box and...

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What did the southern police chief say about the black man found shot six times?

Worst case of suicide he's ever seen.

The blonde detective

A blonde woman wants to prove she is smart, so she goes down to the local police station and says that she wants to become a detective. The police chief decides to humor her, and asks her "Okay, can you tell what is 1 and 1?" "Eleven", she replies. The chief thinks a moment and says, "That's not wh...

Donald Trump is with his driver and he is on the way to an important meeting. He's running a bit late.

Trump: can you please speed up a little, the meeting will start shortly and we're quite far away
The driver : I can't really Mr President, I am sticking to the limit. Also, we're in the middle of the city and the roads look quite busy. I don't want to put people's safety at risk.
Trump : I kn...

A police station was about to be defunded because they could never solve a single crime.

A police station was about to be defunded because they could never solve a single crime.

The police chief in desperation hired a quality assurance officer to check what was wrong.

The QA officer proposed that if the chief’s detectives can solve all murders committed by him, then he w...

3 blondes walk into a police station...

And we're looking for jobs as detectives.

They meet with the police chief who says, "I'm going to show you a side mugshot of a man and you need to tell me something interesting about him."

He shows the picture to the first blonde and she says, "He's only got one eye". The police chief...

People had been letting their dogs do their business in front of the police station.

It started to accumulate at the edge of the sidewalk near the gutter. One morning, the police chief came out of the building and slipped near the curb and fell in the line of dooty.

A guy applies for a job with the Chicago Police Department

He has an impressive resume, gives the best answers to the interview questions, and is very enthusiastic about the job.

"Your qualifications are impressive" says the police chief. "Here's the final test. Take this gun, go out, and shoot ten black guys and a clown?"

The man asks, "why ...

An old political joke from Imperial Russia (reign of Nicholas II)

A man yells in the street: "Nicholas is a moron!". He is taken away by the police on charges of lese majeste (insulting the monarch). He tells the policemen "Please let me go, I meant another Nicholas!". The police chief replies: "Do not lie. If you said 'moron', you certainly meant the Czar!"

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Two cops, a man and a woman were heading out for a day's work, walking the beat with a police dog at their side...

A few blocks away from the station, the woman suddenly stops. "Dammit! I was in such a hurry to get ready, I forgot my panties back at the station. We have to go back."

"No we don't," the male cop says. "Old Ralphy here is specially trained at evidence retrieval. Just let him sniff your crotc...

A man was driving at 96 mph in a 70 mph zone when a cop pulls him over. As the officer gets to the window he says "license and registration sir." And the man replies with "I don't have a license or registration. I'm just delivering these drugs in the back."

The police officer is dumbfounded and calls in for backup. The k-9 unit shows up along with at least 5 other cruisers and the police chief. After a lengthy searching from officers and their drug dogs, nothing is ever found. The chief walks over to the man and says "Son there aren't any drugs in this...

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A college advertising lecture is taking place. The speaker is presenting his anti-drug PSA.

He says:

- I am the author of a simple, yet effective campaign against drug use.

He shows the poster he designed. It shows two circles, one big and the other small. The big one is titled "This Is Your Brain", the small one is titled "This Is Your Brain on Drugs". The speaker says:
<...

Cletus takes out a loan for a new truck.

He keeps up with the payments, and everything seems to be going well, when suddenly the bank repossesses it without warning.

He decides to go to the police, and it turns out he's not the only person who's been ripped off by this particular bank.

After talking to the police chief, it'...

There is an old town...

And the town is built around its Catholic church. Both the church and the town have been around for a pretty long time. They've got a long history. There was an incident a long time ago that led to a citywide law against workers of the Catholic church opening flower shops. But it's a pretty obscure ...

One day in 1960's China...

Mao told his chief of police to send 10,000 intellectuals and a clown to rural exile. The police chief asked "Why the clown?" Mao laughed and said "That's the spirit!"

A man gets pulled over for speeding

The cop comes over to the window and asks the man, "What's the rush?"
"Well, you see I a body in the trunk and I wanna bury it ASAP before it stinks up the place," Answers the man.
The cop confused, "Why is there a body in the trunk?"
"Well, I wanted to buy 3 kilos of heroin and the other g...

3 Brand New Cops Are Having Lunch... (Long)

One cop is Italian, one is Israeli, and the third is Polish. The police chief walks up to the new policemen, and goes “Boys, it’s your first day, and I have a quick question for you: who killed Jesus Christ?”

The Italian cop smiles, and goes “Well that’s an easy one, it was the Jewish people!...

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After a series of city-wide riots, the mayor of Los Angeles imposed the harshest curfew ever: anyone outdoors after 10 pm will be shot on sight!

On the very first night of the curfew, a cop shot a black kid dead at 9:45. The police chief dragged the cop in for questioning.

"What the hell you doing shooting a guy before the curfew even started!?"

"Sir, I know where that guy lives. He never would have made it home in time!"

A Policeman, Heart Surgeon, Lawyer, Grandfather and his Grandson are flying in on a plane...

...They hear this load bang, and then some alarms go off.

"Uh...This is your captain speaking. We seem to have taken damage to our engines and the plane is going down. Please grab a parachute and exit the plane immediately. Because this is not a ship, I don't plan on going down with it"
<...

A redneck was brought into an Alabama police station...

He was led into a questioning room and handcuffed to the table. After several minutes of sitting in silence the police chief walks in and sits opposite from the redneck.

Chief: "They tell me you ran over 13 people with your car. Care to tell me what happened?"

Redneck: "Whel ya see, ay...

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So a Panda walks into a restaurant...

And the host, thinking this is a little out of the ordinary, asks the panda if he is here to eat.

"Of course." says the panda.

A little ashamed, the host walks the panda to a table and tells him the waiter will be along shortly. Soon enough the waiter comes along and asks the panda wha...

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