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Pfizer Jokes

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So Pfizer announced the Covid-19 vaccine

Having also created Viagra, we can fully rely on a company that was able to raise the dead, to cure the living.

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Pfizer & Pepsi to Merge

The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Apparently Pfizer is now selling a pill that treats skepticism.

But I'm not buying it.

I'm not sure that Pfizer's Covid-19 vaccine will work,

but it's worth a shot.

Weird Pfizer vaccine side effect

I haven't made any sounds when I go to the bathroom since I got the shot.

Doctor said that with Pfizer, the p is silent.

Why does Eminem hate Pfizer and Moderna?

You only get one shot.

What do you call an Anti-Vax Child minder? - Mrs Doubt Pfizer

It's only a joke.

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Where's all the Pfizer Vaccine/Viagra jokes?

I'd have figured they'd risen by now... ??

What's the difference between Lay's and the Pfizer vaccine?

The Pfizer vaccine has at least one chip in it.

I don't know why people doubt the Pfizer vaccine...

...their magic blue pills work!

...so I've heard...

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BREAKING NEWS Thieves have allegedly broken into the laboratory at Pfizer to try and steal the new Covid-19 vaccine...

They apparently took a case of viagra instead. The police are looking for a group of hardened criminals.

I think Pfizer got their drugs mixed up...

I got the Covid vaccine, but now when I cough I get an erectipn.

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Just found out I qualify for the Pfizer Vaccine!

Apparently if you buy more than 20,000 Viagra a year you're a preferred customer, and get a free dose.

"My wife's Nan had the Pfizer vaccine...

"She is absolutely fine except every now and then she keeps saying 'This copy of Windows 10 is not genuine' "

The Pfizer vaccine can cause near-complete loss of eyesight

Don't miss your second shot.

I woke up this morning and could only see a bootscreen asking for the CD code after expiration of the free trial period.

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When all is said and done it'll probably be safe to trust the coronavirus vaccine made by Pfizer...

Pfizer makes Viagra. If they can raise the dead, they can certainly take care of the living!

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A team of thugs broke in to the Pfizer plant and stole all the viagra

Police say to be on the lookout for a gang of hardened criminals.

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All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen... Aleve is also called Naproxen.   

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.   

After careful consideration by a team of...

Just got my vaccine, but they stuck the needle in my leg.

I spent the following day thinking “my Pfizer killing me”

My mum is an anti vaxxer...

Calls herself Mrs DoubtPfizer

I’m not supposed to say anything, but you all deserve to know....

Hey,  So heads up.... I wasn’t allowed to say anything until today, but it's now okay for me to share that I volunteered for the Covid-19 vaccine from Pfizer. The vaccine is the one that has been developed in Russia. It is in 6 different stages and I received my first dose earlier this morning 09:20...

I bought Pfizer years ago and was so excited to earn millions when they announced their COVID vaccine...

Oops.... Turns out I bought Pfizer Total Landscaping instead. Oh well. Maybe I could rent the place out for a news conference?

True Story: My wife took my 15 year old daughter to get her 1st...

Pfizer vaccination on Friday night at a local CVS. The place was packed and there was an older couple there thanking everyone for getting vaccinated. When my wife and daughter got home they were telling me about how packed it was. My daughter mentioned the older couple and said that when they tha...

What is an Anti-Vaxxer's favourite movie?

Mrs. Doubt-Pfizer

My mother is anti vaxx

Calls herself miss Doubt Pfizer

I made this joke up randomly at the store...

Did you hear Cyclops of the x-men got vaccinated?

He got his pfizer.

Ebola, Sars and Covid walk into a bar...

Suddenly all the hotties from Pfizer, Moderna, AstraZeneca, Janssen, Sinovac and Novavax surround Covid.

Ebola asks Sars, "Why is Covid getting all the attention?"

Sars replies, "This is what happens when you go viral."

A remix of a classic

A fellow was ~~stuck on his rooftop in a flood~~ going about his regular business in the middle of a pandemic. He was praying to God ~~for help~~ to keep him safe.

Soon a man ~~in a rowboat~~ with a Pfizer vaccine came by and the fellow shouted to the man, "~~Jump in~~Roll up your sleeve, I c...

What do the Pfizer covid vaccine and next Friday night have in common?

Two random strangers penetrating your mom.

Just seen a bloke down the market selling the Oxford Covid Vaccinations..

£2 each or 3 for a Pfizer

Covid Vaccine?

Just been up town and there’s a bloke near Oxford Circus with a suitcase selling COVID 19 vaccines. £2 each or three for a Pfizer.

My wife is concerned about my vaccine side effects

Day 1:

“How’s your arm doing?”

“It’s just a bit tender near the injection site.”

Day 2:

“Google said it is supposed to last 4 hours.”

“I think you got the wrong Pfizer info sheet.”

The good news is that the Covid vaccines are coming.

The bad news is that Pfizer’s vaccine is repforted to have multipfle side effects in some pfatients, including pfermanent loss of spfelling.

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Choice of vaccine

The choice of vaccine must be made with care.

"Grandma, what vaccine would you like to do?"

"I'm waiting for Johnson & Johnson, I was already using shampoo and I was always happy"

"Grandpa and you?"

"Me Pfizer, I was already using Viagra and your grandmother alway...

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Twas the week before Christmas

‘Twas the Week before Christmas
by Canttake Itany Moore

‘Twas the week before Christmas and all through the city

The virus still raged. The year was still shitty.

The cars sat snuggly, all still in the street.

There was no place to go. No friends to meet.

Restau...

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