Pedophil Jokes - 63 Hilarious Pedophil Jokes

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What do Jewish pedophiles say?

“Hey kid, want to buy some candy?”

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What do pedophile vampires do to relax?

Crack open a boy with the cold ones.

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Did you hear about the pedophile that never could win a race?

He was always coming in a little behind.

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My girlfriend's father called me a pedophile just because she's 22 and I'm 36.

Completely ruined our 10-year anniversary.

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They say that every 2 out of 3 people live next to a pedophile

Not me, I live next to 2 smoking hot 10 year olds

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What are pedophiles' favorite shoes?

White Vans

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A coworker told me I was a pedophile and said I probably had a van that said "Free Candy" on the side.

I told him that would be pointless. My target demographic can't read yet.

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To anyone who has a problem with pedophiles:

Grow up.

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Why do pedophiles like to play guitar?

Because it's completely ok to finger A minor

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Hear about the time Mohammed's wife called him a pedophile?

Mohammed responded "Pedophile is a pretty big word for a 9 year old!"

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What does a pedophile and a turtle have in common?

They both wanna get there before the hare does.

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Everyone called me a pedophile

My girlfriend and I walked into a local bar last night and everyone started calling me a pedophile and a criminal only because i'm 43 and she's 20. It completely ruined our 10th anniversary

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You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles....

But at least they drive slowly past schools

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If an illegal immigrant got into a fight with a pedophile

Would it be called Alien vs Predator?

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I feel bad for Pedophiles

They have such a hard time fitting in. (NSFW with imagination)

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NSFW At the restaurant, everyone kept calling me a pedophile just because I'm 52 and my wife is 22......

It completely ruined our ten year anniversary dinner.

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My Friends Call Me A Pedophile

Because she's 18 and I'm 30, but I'll be damned if I let them ruin our seven year anniversary.

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I used to be scared of pedophiles

Then I grew up.

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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White Vans.

I'll be here all week.

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I hate pedophiles.

Those guys are fucking immature assholes.

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A rapist, a zoophile, a pedophile, a sadist, a necrophile, a pyromaniac, and a masochist are all standing in a jail cell. .

The rapist: "I'd like to fuck something."

The zoophile: "A cat?"

The pedophile: "Even better, a kitten."

The sadist: "How about we beat the kitten up, and THEN have sex with it?"

The necrophiliac: "Alright let's beat a kitten to DEATH, and then have sex with it."

T...

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A priest, a pedophile, and a conman walk into a bar

Then he sits down

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What's a pedophile's favorite drink?

Cherry pop.

See you all in hell!

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10 Catholic priest all die in a bus accident

When they arrive at the pearly gates, St Peter Acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you a pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well fuck off straight to hell right now!".

9 of the priests turn around and begin to walk away.
...

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What do pedophiles and mosquitos have In common?

People love beating the crap out of them.

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What's a pedophile's favorite type of shoe?

White vans.

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Two Bulgarians are driving in a car. A policemen stops them: "we're looking for two pedophiles". The Bulgarians look at each other, and look back at the policeman:

"Okay, we'll do it!"

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What do pedophiles and climate change deniers have in common? [NSFW]

They both enjoy fucking the next generation.

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what's the worst part about being a pedophile?

trying to fit in.

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What's the one good thing about a pedophile?

They drive slow through school zones.

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How do you know when it is bedtime at a pedophile's house?

When the big hand touches the little hand.

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what does a family dentist and a pedophile have in common?

They both fill little kids' cavities.

Original by me.

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Why are pedophiles terrible Blackjack players?

They don't hit on anything over 14.

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Why did the pedophile go to Walmart?

He heard that boys pants were half off.

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What does a pedophile and a guitarist have in common...

They both like to finger A-minor.

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What do you call an alien that's also a pedophile?

An Extramolestrial

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What do McDonald's and a pedophile have in common?

They both stick their meat between seven-year-old buns.

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Pedophiles are basically another form of hipsters...

... they are into people before it's cool.

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What's the difference between a pedophile and acne? NSFW

One doesn't come on your face until your twelve

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If you call a group of lions a pride, and a group of crows a murder; what do you call a group of pedophiles?

The British Parliament

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My friend told me he was terrified of pedophiles...

I told him to grow up.

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A pedophile parks his van next to a playground

He opens the door and calls out to a little boy. As the boy approaches peddy eddy proclaims "I'll give you a piece of candy if you come in my van." the little boy asses him for a moment then replies, "I'll cum in your face for the whole bag."

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Why did the pedophile move to Korea?

Because there, Too Young is just a name.

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My pharmacist thinks I'm a pedophile.

He keeps putting labels on my pills telling me to keep away from children.

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What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?

Before the first period.

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What did the mother say to the pedophile at the beach?

"Get out of my sun!"

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Where do pedophiles get the wedding rings?

They go to Jared.

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A zoophiliac, a pyromaniac, a necrophilliac, a pedophile and a masochist are in the loony bin.

Zoophilliac: Let's fuck a cat!

Pedophile: Make it a kitten!

Pyromaniac: Before we fuck it we burn it!

Necrophilliac: Yes! we fuck it after it's dead!

Everyone is jumping in excitement, then look at the masochist.

Masochist: MEEEEEEEOOOWWWWWWW.

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Had a fight with my girlfriend last night in which she called me a "F***ING PEDOPHILE!"

I mean, who the hell teaches 3rd graders words like that?!?

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What does a pedophile order when he goes to a cannibal restaurant?

Eh, just something off the kids menu.

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What is a pedophile's favorite type of classical music?

Anything in A Minor

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[WARNING: DARK] A pedophile and a kid are walking through the woods...

The kid says "Hey Mister, it's kinda scary in these woods."

The pedophile says "How do you think I feel? I have to walk out of here alone!"

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What do you call a fight between a Mexican and a pedophile?

Alien vs Predator

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2 pedophiles are sitting on a park bench when an 11 year old boy walks by...

One pedo leans over to the other and says "boy he must've looked good back in the day"

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Why aren't there any pedophiles in Japan?

Because they learned what happens when you touch a little boy.

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What's a bad way to stop a pedophile?

Tell him to think of the children.

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How is a hipster like a pedophile?

They both get into things before it's cool.

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I would tell you a pedophile joke,

but it has some minor issues.

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A pedophile serial killer lures a child into a forest on a rainy night

The kid says, "I'm scared." The pedophile responds, "You're scared? I'm the one that has to walk out of here alone."

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What's a great dating app for pedophiles?

Tindergarden

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A pedophile and a 5 year old walk into the woods late one night.

The 5 year old says, "gee mister it sure is scary out here." To which the pedophile responds: "How do you think I feel? I gotta walk out of here alone."

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What do a pedophiles hopes and bingo have in common?

B7...B7...

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What do pedophile sex-tourists and napalm have in common?

They can both strip a Vietnamese orphan in under a minute.

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