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Pay Attention Jokes

People don't even pay attention

I bet you $13456324567 dollars you didn't read that number. You just skipped right over it. You didn't even realize I put a letter in it. No I didn't but you went back and looked.

Have a good day!!

EVERYBODY pay attention to 0x55!

This means U!

My wife says I never pay attention to her...

... at least I think that's what she said.

My teacher told me to "pay attention"

And I say "sorry, my student loans don't cover it"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pay Attention:

First-year veterinary students were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Snow.

Snow is like a penis.

It's measured in inches and soft to the touch.

It cums when you least expect it and it never gets as deep as you'd like it.

Driving in the snow is like eating pussy, if you don't slow down and pay attention you could slide into the asshole in front of you.....

What is your best Chuck Norris joke(I’ll start)

Chuck Norris doesn’t pay attention, attention pays Chuck Norris

Always Pay Attention!

After my Prostate Exam, the Doctor left.
Then the Nurse came in.
As she shut the door, she whispered the three words that no man wants to hear:
"Who was that?”

My wife found a new way to get ne to pay attention

She says "the motorcycles trash needs to be taken out" or "the boats clothes need to make it into the hamper" or "this weekend card game I'm taking the kids to my parents and filing for a divorce"

I checked the bike and the boat and wanted to tell her they're all set before the card game but ...

You really have to pay attention in Jihad class

You only get one instructor and one demonstration.

Allways pay attention when you're working around propellers

If you don't, you'll be mist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of first year medical students are gathered around a table with a naked cadaver on it…..

Their instructor motions for them to come close for their first 3 lessons of medical school.

“The first lesson is that you must not be afraid of the human body, alive or dead” he says as some of the students are visibly uncomfortable.

He then holds up a finger and says, “you must als...

My teachers told me I should pay attention and check my grammar.

Like what the heck nana has been dead for years now

In my Horticulture class we were supposed to grow cucumbers, but I didn't pay attention to the lessons.

You could say I was in a pickle.

Jimmy: "mommy mommy, at school they tell me that I don't pay attention to detail..."

woman: "jimmy, your house is two doors down"

I didn't pay attention in English class so now I can't use contractions properly

But it's what it's.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I do porn, and the company I work for has a guy who writes all the blowjob scenes. He has the girls use their teeth, never pay attention to the balls, and only lick the tip.

I don’t know whose dick this guy sucked to become the head writer

A suicide bomber training his new recruits:

"Okay, pay attention, I'm only going to show you this once"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My pharmacist mixed up my prescription for Ritalin with Viagra.

I tried to pay attention but it was really hard

Yo mama is so poor

That she cant even pay attention

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The facts of life

A papa dog decided to day was the day to teach his son the facts of life. They started their day going for a walk and as they do papa dog comes across some trash cans so he turns to his son and tells him to pay attention as he knocks one down and starts eating from it. The papa dog tells his son "yo...

Nothing is free

There Is Nothing Free On Earth, Even To Listen Attentively, You Must Pay Attention

A kamikaze teacher explains to his students:

Students pay attention I will show you once.

Little Johnny doing Math

The math teacher asks Little Johnny: “If I give you 3 cats, and then another 3 cats, and then again another 3 cats, how many cats would you have?”

Little Johnny responds: “ten.”

Teacher: “Ok… that’s not correct, let’s do this again. But pay attention this time. If I gave you 3 cats, a...

A mother and son were talking to each other

Mother to Son: Who is Sultan Aziz?

Son : Don't know

Mother : you should pay attention to your studies

Son to Mother : Do you know Aunty Jennifer?

Mother : Don't know

Son: Pay attention to who daddy meets too

A suicide bombing instructor addresses a group of new recruits.

"All right lads pay attention cos I'm only gonna show you this once"

I was a really poor student...

My English teacher once told me that he loves cooking children and pets. He also tried to teach me about commas being really important but I didn't pay attention to that part.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pathologist is teaching her class how to do autopsies

The students are taken to the morgue and once in there they are shown the corpse of a dead man. The cadaver is bloated and old, several traumatic wounds are visible, its skin is pale and dried and the faint smell of chemicals and rot emanates from him. "To become a good pathologist you need to lear...

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