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Old Codger Jokes

Two old codgers are sitting on a park bench...

The first says that it's a beautiful day.

The second agrees and says, "A day like this make me feel like I want to make love to Scarlett Johansson again."

The first is blown away. "Are you saying you have made love to Scarlett Johansson?"
The second explains, "There was a magical ...

A hunting joke ( read full it's totally worth it)

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.  As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a...

An elderly, married couple walks into a hospital.

The doctor says to the old man, 'I'll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample.'
The old man says, 'What?' So the doctor says it again. Once again the deaf old codger says, What?'
So the doctor yells it: 'I NEED A URINE SAMPLE A FECES SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!'
With that...

An Irishman sees an old man standing in the rain outside of a pub...

As the man gets closer he notices that the old man has a stick in his hand with a piece of string on it, and is waving it around in a puddle.

The man feels bad for the old codger and offers to buy him a pint.

"thank you!" replies the old man, and the two walk inside the pub.
As they...

75 today, but not as old as this old farmer who's buying land

90 year old farmer goes to the banker for a loan to buy land. The banker has some concerns due to the old codgers age.
"What happens if you die before the loan is paid off?" The banker asks.
"I'll send you a check from heaven, because God would want all my obligations taken care of," The old f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The fastest thing in the world

Three old rednecks were sitting in their favorite bar. They'd been drinking for awhile when they started a lively debate on what the fastest thing in the world could be.

The first redneck says, "Well, I think the fastest thing in the world is thinking. 'Cause I can think 'bout a million thoug...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What you got there, boy?

A boy is walking down a country lane, past an old codger's house, carrying a roll of chicken wire.


"What you got there, boy?" asks the old man.


"Well, sir. This here's chicken wire so I'm gonna go git me some chickens", replies the youth.


"Pshaw! You're crazy son", ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny is visiting his grandparents...

...during his summer vacation. The very first night after dinner he sees his grandpa enjoying a glass of scotch in his study. Johnny asks, "hey grandpa whatcha drinkin?" To which grandpa replies, "this is called whiskey Johnny." Johnny then asks, "can I try some?" With a smirk, Grandpa asks, "well, ...

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