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Need Money Jokes

I asked the cashier “Could you give me small change instead of bills? I need money for the bus “

She said “That’s fare”

Dance like it hurts… love like you need money…

work when people are watching.

The homeless had a sign saying " need money for protection "

So i went out of my way and bought him some condoms.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Slightly NSFW) Man says to his wife that he is going golfing. She gets upset because she thought they would spend the day together.

Husband says to his wife that he is going golfing. She gets upset because she thought they would spend the day together.

Husband: "honey just give me the day I need to relieve some stress. Besides You don't even golf."

Wife: "I want to learn and besides it's something we can do toget...

Two reasons I don't give money to begging homeless people:

1. They need money for drugs.
2. I need money for drugs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A kid is asking his father:

"Dad, can I have a bike please?"
The father look at him and answer: "Well, it depends my son."
"Depends on what?"
"Does your dick touch your ass?" The father asks.
"Hummmmm no?"
"Then you can't have a bike!"

Few years later, the same kid is now a teenager and he start asking hi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In honor of the day…

A man’s walking in the woods when he spies a little man no taller than ten bars of Irish Spring soap stacked on top of each other. The man grabs the little man garbed in green.

“Aye! You caught me,” exclaims the leprechaun. “I’ll tell ya what. I’ll give you three wishes and ye let me go.”
...

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT



ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your c...

I'm one step closer to being rich.

Now I just need money.

Dad! Bus ticket! Money! Now!

**Daughter**: Dad I need money for the bus.

**Dad**: Why do you need to buy a bus?

**Daughter**: I am serious dad, stop it. This isn't funny, just give me **£1.50.**

**Dad**: I don't have enough money, ask your mother.

**Daughter:** Fine.

\[...\]

**Daughter...

A homeless man was one day walking down an alleyway...

A homeless man was one day walking down an alleyway from which you could see the back gardens of these mansion like houses on the street. He looks into a garden and sees a man in a suit crying and looking at the pool.

The man in suit fills his pockets with rocks and suddenly jumps into the po...

Staying safe

A young woman was walking through the park late one night on her way home. Known to be a risky part of the neighbourhood, she feared the worst when a sinister looking man stopped her in her tracks. The man, while eyeing the handbag she had slung on her side, questioned, "where are you heading lady?"...

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