UPJOKE
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Muppets Jokes

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Some people are just like Muppets.

They'll suddenly become full of life if you stick your arm up their butts and shake it.

If James Hetfield officiated Kermit and Miss Piggy's wedding...

He'd be a Pastor of Muppets!

What do you call young homeless muppets?

Sesame Street Children.

My Doctor finally managed to cure me of my obsession with the Muppets



He gave me an enema

followed by a Doo Doo do do do

How do Muppets die?

They Kermit Suicide.

If Muppets everywhere started walking and talking by themselves, that would be quite the...

Phenomena! *doot dooo doo doo do*

Don't date anyone who dislikes the Muppets...

Clearly, they aren't a fan of Kermitment

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I always wondered why The Muppets had such large and wide open eyes.

I then realised that if I had a hand shoved up my ass my eyes would do the same.

What do you get when you buy 13 identical Muppets?

A beakers dozen

Why did one of the muppets go to jail?

It Kermit a crime.

My wife said my obsession with everything Muppets had put our relationship on fragile ground.

I took her hands in mine, looked her straight in the eyes and said, “Oh sweetheart, it’s *’down in Fraggle Rock.’*”

What do you call an bunch of muppets in an emo band?

Fragile Rock

Of course Goldman Sachs called their clients "muppets"

Some of them ended up living in garbage cans.

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Did you know Metallica has a new album about the leader of Kermit’s church?

It’s called Pastor of Muppets

what do apples, dish washer soap, the muppets, a black guy, beer, yankee candels, and the keyboard on a flip phone all have in common?

they all help make a really convoluted joke.

When Kermit the Frogs entertainment career came to an end, he enrolled in seminary school where he was ordained

Now he's a Pastor of Muppets

What do you call bacon wrapped frog legs?

The Muppets

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Mr Hetfield's dinner

So James Hetfield from Metallica walks into an Italian restaurant carrying Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Gonzo, Animal, and Rowlf the dog under his arms. He strolls straight past the waiter, into the kitchen, and starts hacking them all to pieces with a large carving knife. He throws th...

So Jan gets a job driving a school bus.

The first day of school, Jan is given the bus she's to drive. She's driving an elementary-school route, so the inside of the bus has been decked out with Sesame Street characters; muppets pasted on every wall. Jan shrugs and gets started on her route.

The first kid is a super fat little girl...

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