Sesame Street Jokes

"Ernie, do you want some ice cream?"

"Sherbert."

A Bert-day cake!

I like the Vampire, but he doesn't count

I told her it was the dude from Sesame street

She said, "He doesn't count."

I said, "Oh I assure you, he does."

(obligatory cake day joke)

If sesame street had an awards show would they be handing out Oscars?

Show of hands

When asked for comment The Count said "This is going to take some time."

It was much adieu about nothing.

The puppeteer has touched more Oscars.

At least, only one that counts.

Oscar

im so sorry

Because he doesn't ever wanna Miss Count.

They couldn't call it Thyme Square.

The terrorist is on the phone with the hostage negotiator, who asks him how many hostages the terrorist has.

The terrorist says: "I gotta count".

Some people claim he doesn't count, but I'm certain that he does.

It's his first day on the bus, and he's sitting at the stop and a little girl gets on and says "My name is Pat, and I'm fat."

So, he shrugs his shoulders, says hi, and tells her to take a seat.

The next little girl gets on the bus, and says "My name's Patricia, and I'm obese".

H... read more

But I finished it in 18 months

After all they are the Master of Puppets.

So, there is a guy who needs a job. He goes to the employment agency and they tell him the only job they have is as bus driver on Sesame Street. He thinks its a bit weird, but he needs a job. First day driving the bus, he gets to the first stop and two very overweight women get on the bus sweating p... read more

Apparently he was trash talking the other cast members behind their backs.

Me: "Hmmm that's a tough one. I think I'd have to go with the vampire from Sesame Street."

Friend: "What!? He doesn't count."

Me: "Oh I assure you, he does."

Big Bird walks into a gritty bar off Sesame Street and sits all alone and orders a beer. "Sometimes I just feel left out by all my peers. You know, all alone," he complains to the bartender. "I guess I just feel ostrich sized."

He wanted to stop The Count.

I still don't know how to get to sesame street

Sesame Street Children.

They found that in response to Sesame Street promoting friendship, racial equality, and care, the CIA captured the Count and forced him to run through truckloads of rice.

He was assigned a rural route on a long road called Sesame Street.

At the first stop, there were two very portly girls. “I’m Patty and this is my cousin Patty” one of the two girls announced as they made their way to the back of the bus.

At the next stop there was a tiny boy waiting.... read more

In the bar there's a group of gorgeous blond ladies who are having a bit of a celebration. "TWENTY-SIX DAYS! TWENTY-SIX DAYS!" they shout as they're knocking back drink after drink.

This goes on for some time. The ladies are getting more and more intoxicated, "TW..TWENNNTTTY-SIX DAYYYYS.... &... read more

all of them chanting "Twenty-four days! Twenty-four days!" They got a table and continued to yell "Twenty-four days! Twenty-four days!" They started hooting and high-fiving each other as well. Intrigued, the bartender walks over to the table and sees a finished child's puzzle with Sesame Street's El... read more

He gets a bus that has Bert and Ernie, Grover, Big Bird, et. al. painted on it. He says "Are you kidding me?". Boss replies, "Once you have some seniority we'll give you a newer bus."

So, he sets out on the run and at his first stop a boy gets on. Ross says, "Hi. I'm your new bus driver, ... read more

The first day of school, Jan is given the bus she's to drive. She's driving an elementary-school route, so the inside of the bus has been decked out with Sesame Street characters; muppets pasted on every wall. Jan shrugs and gets started on her route.

The first kid is a super fat little girl... read more

War had come to Sesame Street. Big Bird lay bleeding with a piece of shrapnel sticking out of his side. As he lay there. Oscar the grouch came over to speak with him.
Oscar: How are you doing general bird?
Big Bird: Never mind that now commander what is the letter and number of the day?
Osc... read more

A new bus driver starts his first day of work...

......he kisses his wife goodbye. He’s nervous about the new job and not sure if it’s for him.

He’s assigned his bus, and as he walks up to it, he notices that it has a big promotional for Sesame Street on the side. “Great,” he thinks, ... read more

Cop 1: Hey, we have a B&E case, let's go investigate.

Cop 2: *GAAAAASSP* Bert & Ernie?! My 2nd grade best friend shaved his head once and got to meet them. I never saw him again so I shaved my head hoping that I could live at Sesame Street too.

Cop 1: *facepalms* He was a Make-... read more