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Mono Jokes

My parents divorced over monopoly

My father was mono and my mother was poly.

2019 has Mono

Its symptoms are likely caused by the Epstein-Barr virus

Possibly the greatest dad joke of my dad’s whole career

Preface: I’ve been sick in bed for 10 days with infectious mononucleosis or ‘mono’


So, Mom brought home some pie and she gave me a slice. I only had like half of it because it was making me nauseous so she decided to save it for me. But I guess Dad didn’t know that so he ate the rest of ...

What do you call it when you put two people with mono in one room?

Stereo

What did the inert gases do when they discovered they were mono-atomic?

They won a noble prize

I think I’m sick with mono...

I can only hear out of one ear.

What do you call an old sound technician with one arm?

Mono.

These twins I knew in high school both got mono...

They got stereo

What do you call a tuna with a monocle?

SOFISHTICATED

One time my religion teacher who has a monobrow asked me “what the hell did you do to your hair?”

because i had a blond streak through it and I said “what the hell did you do to your eyebrow” and he sent me outside.

When I came back in he asked everyone what monotheism was and I said it
meant a religion that worshipped one god because mono means one as in
monobrow and he sent me ou...

WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CUT OFF ONE OF MONA LISA'S EARS?

MONO LISA

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two old widowers

Two old friends, both widowers, are sitting on a bench recounting the days of their youth and discussing what they've done in life.

Widower 1: My only regret is that I cheated on my wife early on in our marriage. I can only admit it now as my wife is no longer alive. I was young and foolish a...

How does a tree express its feelings on a stage?

Through a mono-log

y’all ever heard any monorail jokes?

i hear they make good one-liners.

Useful Metric Equivalents

* 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
* 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
* 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
* 52 = 1 decacards
* 1/2 lavatory = 1 demijohn
* 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
* 435.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
* 10 rations = 1 decoration
* 10 m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a poop that all comes out in one piece?

A mono-log.

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