I was really tempted to say mean things about an obese animal

But I decided not to because that would be hippo-critical.

This girl who I was on a date with told me I looked pretty average.

What a mean thing to say.

Recycled ones. But love them. 36 Math jokes and puns

Beginner

1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal?

Because he would have to convert.

2. Why do plants hate math?

It gives them square roots.

3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?

It was a mean thing to s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paddy drinking at the Irish pub

Patrick staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy.   He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.   As he caught himself by grab...

Why don't Germans have sausage for breakfast?

Because that would mean things went from bed to wurst.

Why shouldn't you ever call a fat girl an elephant?

Because it is a really mean thing to say and elephants never forget.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a group of animals on an island with no food.

There was an island filled with food across from the island the animals were, so they gathered around and decided to send the turtle to get food because he was the only animal that could swim.

30 minutes passes by and the lion starts talking trash about the turtle, saying how slow he was and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Girl with the Wooden Eye

Another of my old man's jokes...

A girl and her friend are sitting in a busy night club where lots of people are dancing. The friend says, 'Honey, you should find someone to dance with.' The girl says, " I don't know, I'm so self conscious about my wooden eye. Guys always stare at it and make...

A woman is on the bus with her baby

A woman is on the bus with her baby. The man sitting next to her looks at her baby, and proclaims,"My God! That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman becomes very mad, and gets up and moves to another part of the bus.

After sitting down, the man next to her sees that she's clearly dis...

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