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Kevin Spacey Jokes

Kevin Spacey likes his guys like he likes his whiskey...

12 years old and in a barrel, OR 18 years old and full of coke.

I wonder why Kevin Spacey is such a good guitarist.

Probably because he’s had a lot of practise fingering minors

I wonder if Kevin Spacey's trial will be postponed.

I mean with the SAG strike, he can't act innocent.

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In his trial the jury was told Kevin Spacey wanted to be an astronaut

A witness said that Spacey told him that he would like to get to Uranus.

How is Kevin Spacey like Walmart?

They both have boys pants half off.

What does Kevin Spacey say when he's about to eat?

"bone a petite"

Kevin Spacey is trying to get a new position in Vegas,...

Blackjack Dealer

Because they hit on anything under 17.

TIL that after starring in 21 Kevin Spacey tried to play Blackjack professionally and lost all of his money.

Kept hitting on 17.

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Who is kevin spacey's favorite artist ?

Bruce Dickinson

Why can Kevin Spacey never win a race?

He always comes in a little behind.

When was bed time at Kevin Spacey's house?

When the big hand touched the little hand.

What did the woman say to Kevin Spacey on the beach?

Could you please move, you're in my son.

Kevin Spacey walks into a bar

But after realizing the drinking age is 21 decides that he'd rather hang out somewhere else.

Did you hear Kevin Spacey is making a prequel to 21?

It's called "Always Hit on 14"

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I can't stand Kevin Spacey and people like him.

They're all fucking immature assholes.

What's the difference between Kevin Spacey and Mozart?

It's hard to get Mozart to play with A minor.

For decades I've always liked Kevin Spacey

Turns out he stopped liking me decades ago

What's Kevin Spacey's favourite musical note?

A minor

Bryan Singer and Kevin Spacey walk up to a bar

The bartender asks for their IDs. They walk away and say" well I guess we're not going to find what we're looking for here."

What do Kevin Spacey and Santa Claus have in common?

They both like to empty their sacks for young boys.
(I know it's an old MJ joke)

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After discovering that Kevin Spacey is a sexual predator, I would be surprised to see him get any work in the future.

Unless he runs for President of the United States.

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Kevin Spacey's new job

Kevin Spacey's new job is at EA. They heard he likes to fuck 14 year olds over and over, just like them.

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What's the difference between Kevin Spacey and a bank loan?

One waits until you are an adult before it fucks you.

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So apparently Kevin Spacey's new movie "Billionaire Boys Club" did horribly at the box office.

No shit.

That would be like Mel Gibson for his comeback, starring in a movie called "I Still Hate the Jews."

What's Kevin Spacey's favorite college?

Brigham Young

Whats Kevin Spacey's Favorite Opera?

The Magic Flute .... in a minor.

Kevin spacey got turn down to play Santa.

Apparently they didn’t trust him with the naughty list.

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Did you hear about Kevin Spacey's new role?

Kaiser Sogay.

What do Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey have in common?

The House of Cards they had built in Hollywoodland has now made them The Usual Suspects in Sin City. This was supposed to be LA Confidential but apparently they couldnt find Consenting Adults. The American Beauty of this is that they will now forever be Inglorious Basterds.

Why doesn't Kevin Spacey win first place in marathons?

He isn't an athlete and doesn't train for marathons

That World Series game was so long...

When it started Kevin Spacey was still a respected actor.

I had Kevin Spacey show up at a house party

I don’t see what all the fuss about him is. I was chatting to him for an hour about all things from art and music to politics.

He’s a very articulate and intelligent man but I must say his sense of direction is a bit off.

He cut our conversation short saying that he had to use the li...

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What do Margaret Thatcher and Kevin Spacey have in common?

They both fuck miners

Kevin Spacey is no longer going to be an actor. He's going to teach guitar.

Be cause he's good at fingering A Minor.

It makes more sense now why Kevin Spacey helped Baby in Baby Driver

He saw a little bit of himself in Baby, figuratively and literally.

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Kevin Spacey while writing his apology: "I could own up to the mistakes I've made...

...butt fuck it"

The NHL's Florida Panthers have apologized to their fans for using Kevin Spacey in a marketing campaign

it's probably for the best. He's a better fit with the Nashville Predators

What was the worst thing to come out in 2017?

Kevin Spacey

It's going to be in the teens all next week

just like Kevin Spacey

Meeting Tom Hanks made my whole day ... [NSFW]

meeting Kevin Spacey made my hole weak.


I'll see myself out ...

Disclaimer: I met none.

A man sees an ad in the paper

The ad reads "Guaranteed program to help you get fit!"

The man thinks to himself "you know, I can stand to lose a few pounds" and calls the number. A man answers the phone and says "thank you for contacting us. We offer 3 plans. The first is our lightest plan and the third is our most intens...

As a young boy I dreamt of touching the stars.

Then I met Kevin Spacey. :-(

Why is 6 afraid of 7...

Because 7 is Kevin Spacey

How To Lose Your Career in Ten Days!

Ask Kevin Spacey!

A guy starts his first day at a bakery...

The boss says, "We're a healthy, whole-food bakery, so we put vegetables in every type of bread that we make." He shows the new guy to the back room, where there are rows of file cabinets with pictures of vegetables on them.

"Here's where we keep the carrot dough," the boss says, opening a fi...

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This new amazon echo is really amazing

I set it up today and said “Make my day” and got a list of Clint Eastwood movies

Then I said “yippie Kay yay” and got a list of Bruce Willis movies

Just then my neighborhood kids were running and screaming outside the house

I muttered “Fucking kids”

And a bunch of Kev...

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What was in the box that made Brad Pitt so angry in Se7en?

Kevin Spacey's rock hard dick.

What happened to the cast of House of Cards after shooting their last episode?

Kevin Spacey held a Rapp party.

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