UPJOKE
westkris jennerkim kardashianrob kardashiancaitlyn jennerkendall jennerkylie jennerglamourlinda thompsonbrandon jennerbrody jennervoguekimscott disickkanye west

Kardashian Jokes

When the Kardashians die, they won't be buried or cremated.

They'll be recycled.

Whats the difference between an ancient Egyptian Prince and a Kardashian?

The Egyptian knew from the start that their daddy would become a mummy.

What do you call the Kardashian family taking a swim in the ocean?

pollution

Why did Donald Trump invite Kim Kardashian to talk about prison reform?

Because she's had more black dudes in her than a jail cell.

As the Kardashians celebrate their 20th and final season...

I would LOVE to congratulate myself for never watching a single episode.

Make fun of Kim Kardashians baby name choice for 'North West' if you want...

But that child is going straight to the top...

And slightly to the left...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Sea Turtles and Kim Kardashians Ass have in common?

They're both filled with Plastic.

How did Kim Kardashian inform her kid that she and Kanye were separating?

“North, my relationship with West has gone south.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can’t Kim Kardashian find her asshole?

He’s on tour.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL that Kim Kardashian's giant ass has it's own birth certificate, and even has a legal name:

Kanye

What's the difference between a Cardassian and a Kardashian?

One is a vicious, opportunistic race, bent on subjugation and domination through whatever insidious and ethically-questionable means they have at hand.

The other is a fictional race from Star Trek.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm really impressed by both Kim Kardashian and Caitlyn Jenner...

Both women got famous by making a dick disappear.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Kardashian's butt

Q: What do you call the space between Kim Kardashian's breasts and butt cheeks? 
A: Silicon Valley.

What do Egyptians and The Kardashians have in common?

The both had no clue that one day their daddy would become a mummy.

Khloe Kardashian got Covid

I suppose the scientists were right, the virus can live on plastic.

When Kim Kardashian dies...

Will she be put in a grave or melted along with the rest of the plastic?

If Robert Kardashian hadn't gotten OJ off,

eventually one of his daughters would have.

I hope that when Kim Kardashian goes to the beach, she doesn't swim.

The last thing we need is more plastic in the ocean.

What do the Kardashians have in common with deer?

They get a new rack every year.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Kim Kardashian and her dad have in common?

They both got famous for getting a black man off.

What do Kim Kardashian and Hurricane Sandy have in common?

They will both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV.

What's the Kardashians favorite news channel?

BBC

I like my coffee like I like the Kardashians

I don't

A man in rags parks a 40-year-old pickup truck next to a printing store and walks up to the counter.

He says:

- I need 20 pictures of Kim Kardashian. I'll pay later.

The store clerk agrees and makes the prints. The truck guy drives away with them. Some time later, he comes back in decent clothes and a 20-year-old truck, pays for the 20 pictures and says:

- I need 50 pictures of...

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are divorcing.

After naming their kids after directions they're the ones going south.

What do you do if you see Kim Kardashian drowning?

Nothing, she's plastic so she'll float anyway.

What did Santa say when he dropped down the chimney at the kardashians?

Ho Ho Ho!

What does North Korea and the Kardashians have in common?

Kim

Which member of the Kardashian family has had the least plastic surgery?

Caitlyn Jenner

My wife's always watching the Kardashians and I'm always watching the news.

I must be rubbing off on her. Based on her internet search history, she's looking at the BBC all the time now

Keeping Up With The Kardashians is ending

Kim Kardashians professional career is behind her

Today I totally forgot the name of Kim Kardashian’s ex-husband…

Today I totally forgot the name of Kim Kardashian’s ex-husband…

but then it donda me.

I don’t get why so many people have an issue with The Kardashians show.

I like to compare it to the Lego movie with all of the plastic parts moving around

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have named their newborn Psalm West. I have only one question.

Is it a hymn or a her?

Has Kim Kardashian Broken The Internet?

I'm not sure if Kim Kardashian has actually managed to 'break the internet', but she's certainly put a big crack in it!

What does a hidden compartment in a drawer have in common with Kim Kardashian?

The false bottom

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don’t get why so many people want to date a Kardashian

If I wanted to date a plastic chick I’d get a sex doll

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do watermelons and Khloe Kardashian's vagina have in common?

They're both pink in the middle and full of black seeds

Whats Kim Kardashian and the Middle East got in common?

Both are covered in oil, huge, and been invaded by the West.

What’s the difference between the ocean and the Kardashians?

There’s less plastic in the ocean.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I slapped Kim Kardashian’s ass once

I don’t like his music.

Kim Kardashian, Pitbull and Amy Schumer walk into a bar.

They set it lower.

If Kanye West and Kim Kardashian both caught on fire in your gym and you only had ONE bucket of water.....

.... would you squat or deadlift first?

What did the media say about Kim Kardashian swimming

There's too much plastic in our oceans.

Why can a Kardashian never drown?

They're always way too shallow.

What does a pirate say when he gets close to shore and sees a kardashian?

Land Ho!

The Kardashian Family motto:

Getting black men off since the OJ trial.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Hurricane Katrina and Kim Kardashian have in common?

They have both swallowed hundreds of black kids :)

How long could a Kardashian survive in the wild?

Forever. Plastic is not biodegradable.

What's the difference between Los Angeles and Kim Kardashian?

One is a dirty, washed-up place many great men have visited. The other one is a city in California.

What's the difference between Kim Kardashian and the moon?

You actually have to put in some effort to see the moon's backside.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Kim Kardashian use to fix holes

Sex tape

What does a terrorist say when about to kill Kim Kardashian's Husband?

Death to the West!

(Sorry if this is a repost, if so I'll remove it)

Kim Kardashian is a big fan of Einstein

After she discovered he invented reality tv

Did you hear about the party they threw when Kim Kardashian tripped and fell today?

It was a Hoedown.

Which store do the Kardashians put most of their time and energy into?

Photoshop

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do the Kardashians and penises have in common?

They are both stuck up cunts

How does Kim Kardashian like her eggs?

Over-Yeezy.

^forgive ^me

What's the difference between Kim Kardashian and a homeless man who works at McDonalds?

One of those greasy bums is making a lot more money.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I searched google for photos of Kim Kardashians asshole, but I think their servers are messed up.

All I get is photos of Kanye West

Richard Spencer is the Kim Kardashian of the alt-right...

I have no idea why he's famous and I only know his name because some dude pounded him on video.

What's the Difference Between America and "Keeping Up With the Kardashians"?

I don't even know at this point...

How does Kanye make Kim Kardashian's eyes twinkle?

He shines a flashlight in her ear.

How many kardashians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one to hold the bulb while the world revolves around her.

"Saint"? You had one job, Kardashian-West family.

Go make another kid, and this time name it Wild Wild.

What’s the difference between Kim Kardashian and a colored wash?

Whites occasionally get inside a colored wash.

How do the Kardashians change a broken light bulb

They buy a new house

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