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Pedantic Jokes

My girlfriend has just told me, she thinks we'd have less arguments if I wasn't so pedantic.

I told her, "I think you mean fewer".

How many pedantic electricians does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You need a gardener for that.

My wife is leaving me because I am pedantic

That means overly concerned with details and liking to show off one's knowledge

Statistics show that 47% of people are pedantic.

Well, 46.8%.

My wife and I have been arguing a lot because she thinks I’m too pedantic

So I’ve started drinking.

She told me, “Alcohol isn’t a solution.”

“Actually,” I replied “it’s excellent at dissolving many substances.”

If I had a penny for every time I was pedantic...

I'd have £564.72

Logic

Three professors of logic get on a train in Scotland and take a seat. They look out the window and see a black sheep. One of them says: "I didn't know Scotland had black sheep". The second one says, rather pedantically, "You only know Scotland has at least one black sheep." The third one chimes in, ...

My friend once told me "You must be the most pedantic person in the entire world."

"Third most, actually."

I just did one of those "what noun are you" quizzes...

and I got "pedantic", which is an adjective.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A therapist gets a call from their patient saying they are going to kill themself…

Therapist: Why do you want to kill yourself?

Patient: Because you don’t take me seriously, and you’re always needlessly pedantic!

Therapist: How would you do it?

Patient: I’m going to jump.

Therapist: Now?

Patient: Yes now! I’m looking at a hundred foot drop…...

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How to use definitely

One day in class, the teacher was teaching the kids the vocabulary word of the day.


"Ok class, the word for the day is definitely. Can anyone use it in a sentence?" she asked.


Straight A's Sally in the front row raises her hand and says, "The tree is definitely green."

<...

What do you call someone who misbehaves with feet?

Pedantic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is stopped by an officer controlling traffic...

The officer is conducting the control rather rudely and is pedantic about the state of the car and the man starts to get annoyed. When the officer finally hands back his papers, the man asks: "would I get into trouble for calling an officer an asshole motherfucker?". The officer makes an angry noise...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's this lady who works in a bank...

... her name is Patricia Wack, but all her friends and colleagues call her Pattie. She's very good at her job. One of those people who pays painful and pedantic attention to detail, does everything by the book, and is generally a bit annoying, but does a great job as a bank teller.


One da...

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"Have you ever broken up with someone over a single character flaw?"

My ex-girlfriend and I were a perfect match.

Like Batman and Robin.

Only we didn’t solve crimes and the tight, latex outfits we owned were used in the bedroom and not on the streets.

I truly thought she was the one.

But she had one character flaw that proved too great to ...

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