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Meaningless Jokes

If you ever feel your job is meaningless...

Just remember that it's somebody's job to install turn signals to BMW's

Scientist: "My findings are meaningless if taken out of context."

Media: Scientist claims "Findings are meaningless."

life without love is meaningless..

Love without life is necrophilia.

You think YOU have a meaningless job?

Think about the guy who makes turn signals at the BMW factory.

I was digging a hole in my backyard when I found a box filled with gold.

I was so excited that I ran inside to tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.

What do you call an Egyptian that believes life is meaningless?

A nileist

Old Arabs used primitive stenography in war correspondence by sending meaningless sentences, with the initial letters of words as the real deal.

Thus was: We Hate Early Retreat Ending after returning eager to have eggs after rear right of wet sea.

And we used to send a reply as this one:

Upon  Pondering Your Order Utmost rates are still solid

I hate how people meaninglessly joke about 9/11, my grandpa died then.

He was such a great pilot.

Wife is tired of me using trite, meaningless expressions and overusing contractions. Oh well...

It's what it's.

If you think your job is meaningless

remember that in the BMW factory, there are people whose job is to install turning lights

I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events

Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address.


One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. The other involves a groundhog.

I used to believe that my stencil drawings served a purpose, but now I know they're meaningless

I'm an ex-stencilist

A cat walks into a bar...

A cat walks into a bar and sees an empty counter. He saunters up to the bartender and asks for a shot of whiskey.

The bartender looks at the cat and says, "Rough day, huh? Maybe you should try chasing a laser pointer. That always seems to cheer me up."

The cat glances at the bartender ...

If i had a dollar for every time i had an existential crisis...

it wouldn't matter because currency is a social construct and life is meaningless

A scientist is at a panel, discussing the results of his latest study.

He mentions, "You know, without the right context, my findings are absolutely meaningless."

Later on the news...

"On the headlines today, a world-renowned scientist has claimed his findings are absolutely meaningless."

Once upon a time, a Reddit lurker clicked on a joke in /r/jokes.

They weren't expecting to read that ultimately, their life is meaningless and that nothing they do matters in the grand scheme of things.

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"Don't knock masturbation..."

"It's sex with someone you love."... Woody Allen.

Moar...

'Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damn good.'

And lastly...

'My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.'

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Understanding BF

My girlfriend always complaints that she hates have meaningless sex.

So now when I hump her I read out all the synonyms of love making from Oxford dictionary.

Nihilistic Kindergartners

David Bloom gained notoriety for his book “Piscus Terminus: How to tell your five year old you flushed his fish down the toilet.” Noted for its brute realism, the book’s message led many kindergartners to spiral into a nihilistic despair, which contributed to the phenomenon of so called “Kierkegaard...

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Things I've learned from video games

My mother has been fucked to death many times.

I'm really a cigarette in disguise.

I'm also actually of African descent, my father will be very upset to find that one out. Though my real father is probably one of those random people who fucked her to death.

A lot of people are m...

On the snowy mountains of eastern Asia, there live a secluded group of monks

Bi-weekly the head monk teaches a class of young monks the way of their order. One particular class began with the head monk explaining that while the world is full of hidden meaning, objects are nothing but themselves, and thus meaningless. The head monk said 'you see children, this vase I hold is ...

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Wedding night

Billy was a rich prince who had had many women before, but he wanted the perfect one for marriage, to extend his dynasty and satisfy his old grandma queen. He thought his future wife should be a perfect virgin of rare innocence, so he started an ''audition'', picking up girls in his Rolls Royce and ...

Moth Joke

A moth goes into a dietitian's office looking very unwell.


The dietitian goes, "What seems to be the problem?"


The moth replies, "Where to start, doc? Each day I wake up at 6:00 a.m. next to a moth wife I once loved, who I have slowly drifted away from over the days. Her once...

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What a Man means when he says...

I’m hungry – I’m hungry.

I’m tired – I’m tired.

Do you want to go to see a film? – I would like to have sex with you.

Can I take you out to dinner? – I would like to have sex with you.

Can I call you sometime? – I would like to have sex with you.

Would you like to ...

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Sherlock and Watson go camping... (reposted from the intelligent jokes thread)

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are camping in the woods one night during an investigation. As they lay out under the stars, Holmes asks Dr. Watson a question...

"Watson!" Holmes said imperiously. "Look at the stars and tell me what you can deduce." Watson sighed, recognizing one of Holmes' fr...

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