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Incel Jokes

Say what you will about r/incels being banned

But at least someone finally got them off.

What do Excel, incels and some people who casually eat figs have in common?

They get confused and incorrectly assume it's a date.


(Edit)
Thank you for the awards.



As people have pointed out, this joke seems to have originated from a venn diagram, but seeing as I heard it a different way and we can't post venn diagrams on this sub, I don't ...

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I don't understand why incels are so upset all the time.

Seriously, they're mad about fucking nothing.

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What do incels use for lubrication?

Extra virgin olive oil.

How many incels does it take to screw a lightbulb?

None. No self respecting light bulb would want to be screwed by an incel.

What's the difference between an incel and an egg?

At least the egg gets laid.

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Why did the incel cross the road?

Trick question, they never leave their parents’ basement.

What do incel and Excel have in common?

Both frequently assume that things are dates, even though they are not.

Incels....

Putting the 'nob' in Nobody

What do incels and Excel have in common?

They both wrongly assume something is a date when it's not

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I told a sex joke to an incel.

He didn't get it.

Have you heard about the incel action figure?

It comes in a sock instead of a box.

Why couldn't the incel start a fire?

Just like always, had tinder but no matches

How many incels does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but he has no idea how to turn it on.

Why do incels hate playing soccer?

Because they’re not allowed to use their hands.

What do you call an incel that travels?

FeDORA the explorer.

What's the difference between Canadian milk and an incel?

One comes in bags, the other in socks.

How do you call an incel who performs card tricks?

A m'gician.

what's an incel's favorite fruit?

Can't elope

What do job hunting and incels have in common?

They both expect years of experience from a first timer.

When was the last time an Incel went for a run?

Last night on World of Warcraft.

An InCel is someone who is involuntarily celibate. What do you call someone who is voluntarily celibate?

Married.

Why does an incel get turned on by a credit card reader?

It's the only time they get asked to 'please insert'

[Nsfw] Why are incels so dangerous?

Because you never see them coming.

Why aren't Incel's big fans off Iron-Man?

They're just not big on Fe-Males, that's all.

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Here's to incels...

for fucking nothing.

What do President Bush and Incels have in common?

An obsession with hanging Chads.

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What do you call incels lying about their ability to play musical instruments to impress sexy e-girls?

A simp-phony

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I tried telling some incels a sex joke...

...but they just weren't having it!

What is incels favorite computer program?

AutoCHAD.

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What was the name of Bilbo’s incel cousin?

Stillno Shaggins

I swiped right on a girl without a picture, and we matched.

# So after a brief chat i went to go pick her up. I wasn't expecting much, probably 300 lbs with bad skin, but hey, I was so desperate it was this or join an incel chatroom.

I walked up to the door and lo and behold, 5'2", baby blue eyes, strawberry blonde hair, all the right curves in all th...

What did the incel say when he wanted to order pasta?

Send noods.

(I'm sorry)

Why can't you tell an incel to f**k off?

They don't know how.

I've recently been studying incels.

Learning is the best way to pass time in prison.

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I just bought some incel olive oil.

I figured if "extra virgin" olive oil is good, this stuff would be amazing.

What's the difference between incels and Catholic priests?

Only the first group is actually celibate.

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What's the best way for an incel to get his dick wet?

Taking a bath.

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I'm taking a Microsoft incel class.

So I can spread sheets by myself

It's good to keep an incel around...

They always seem to come in handy.

What's an Incel's least favourite country?

Chad.

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What do you call an incel where prostitutionis legal?

A buysexual.

Why do so many Incels take a tour to the Statue of Liberty?

So they can finally get into a woman.

What do you call it when an incel threatens to kill himself when someone doesn't respond to his desperate and creepy messages?

Fake noose.

What did the incel say, when he had a sudden bout of inspiration to change his outlook on life and start approaching attractive women, in a confident manner?

Begone,thought!

Why don't mitochondria ever get laid?

Cause they're incels

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How many incels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One.

But then he'll get mad and smash the bulb because the girl he changed it for wouldn't have sex with him in return.

Why is it always tricky to understand an incels' joke.

It's always dry humor.

How many incels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Doesn't make a difference it can't be done.

First they complain that the bulb should be screwing them.

and if they actually try they can't see past their computer monitor.

Why don't mitochondria have girlfriends?

Because they're incells.

What do you call a prisoner that can't get laid.

Incel

When you keep a database about your exes,

if you make a new cell in a spreadsheet containing information about a previous SO who has gone to jail and is celibate against their will, it is an incel-in-cell ex-Excel cell

A lonely, angry young man started to keep a spreadsheet of all the women who he thought had wronged him.

It was the incel's Excel.

Why do people in prison never get married?

They’re incels

What does a diabetic neckbeard inject himself with?

Incel-in

Where might one find the mitochondria?

Incel

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What do you call non-sex cells?

Incels.

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How do 40 year old virgins type their spreadsheets?

Incels.

What do mitochondria, Bill Cosby, and my friend Clint all have in common?

They're all incels.

Why do niceguys never go to jail?

Because they’re already incels.

Why don't hot people ever visit r/braincels?

It's incellated.

Prayers before going on a blind date

Woman : oh god, I just hope he is not a serial killer,psychopath,needy, incel, stalker, poor,balding, ...

Man : god , don't let her be fat..

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A Musician Walks Into a Porn Movie Showing At a Theatre

He's sitting there, waiting for the movie to start when a couple comes in sits down in front of him.
Not wanting to seem like some creepy incel he leans forward & says;
"I did the music for this film & wanted to hear how it sounded in a theatre"

The woman turns around &...

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