UPJOKE
hitchthumbridescootvoyageddisembarksightseeportagedreroutereboardtransportationcarnomadautonomycanada

Hitchhiking Jokes

A Man Is Driving Down a Highway, When He Sees a Priest Hitchhiking

So, being a good catholic, he picks him up. They drive a bit further down the highway, when the man then spots a well-known lawyer hitchhiking as well. Remembering that this man represented his ex wife during their divorce, an impulse of anger causes him to aim his car right at the lawyer. He then r...

I used to hitchhike by the side of the road, but it never got me anywhere. So I started hitchhiking in the middle of the road.

Which got me a free bed and some food for a while.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is driving down the street one night and sees a nun hitchhiking on the side of the road.

Wanting to do a good deed, he pulls over and offers to pick her up.

Thankful, the nun gladly accepts his ride and tells him where she is heading. This happens to be on the way for him anyway, so even better!

The conversation on the way is a bit stiff at first — you know, not really kno...

I was driving down the highway, and I saw a man hitchhiking with a sign that said “Heaven”.

So I hit him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What could possibly wrong with Hitchhiking Nun

Neil is a skilled truck driver and drives the freeway every day. But Neil wouldn't be Neil were it that he sings a song every five minutes: "I'm Neil and I fuck behind the wheel".

And he sings this every five minutes.

At one point, Neil sees a nun hitchhiking along the highway. Neil ha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is hitchhiking with his dog...

...and a gentleman in a car stops to pick him up, and says, "Sorry, I didn't see the dog, and I really don't want it in the car."

The hitchhiker replies, "He doesn't have to ride in the car, he can run really fast."

After insisting several times the dog can keep up the driver finally...

Hitchhiking

*Ted stopped on the side of the road after seeing a hitchhiker.*

* **Hitchhiker:** Hello there. Is the city far?
* **Ted:** No.
* **Hitchhiker:** May I get in your car?
* **Ted:** Yes.

*After a couple of hours of driving in silence...*

* **Hitchhiker:** Is the city far?...

A man is hitchhiking on a lonely road.

After a good while an old beat up truck stops and picks him up and after a couple of minutes of small talk the driver ask the man if he wants some booze. Sure he says and gets handed a bottle. When he tries to drink it the smell of bad moonshine overwhelms him and he declined the drink. The old man ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man sees a nun hitchhiking

He stops to pick her up, and she gives him the address she's going to.

Halfway there, the man starts to feel a little desperate, and says 'Sister, I know this is inappropriate, but I'm dying and I've never had sex. Do you think we could do it?'

The nun thinks for a moment, and asks 'ar...

Lawyer joke

There is a trucker who hates lawyers so much he always runs them over with his truck whenever he sees one. One day he sees a priest hitchhiking and decides to give a ride to the holy man. As they go along the road, the trucker spots a lawyer by the side of the road and steers to run him over. At the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Young man was hitchhiking through the countryside...

..when it began to get dark. In the distance he could see what looked like a farmyard barn with the windows lit.

After trudging across a field in the now pitch-black night, he reached the small red building. After knocking on the door a few times there was no answer, so he decided to go insi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A long-haired youth was hitchhiking...

A long-haired youth was hitchhiking through the deep South. He got a ride from a mean looking redneck trucker. After riding about 30 miles in silence, the youth finally said, "Well, aren't you going to ask me? "

"Ask you what?" Replied the trucker. "If I'm a boy or a girl." Answered the youth...

A man picks up a hitchhiking priest on the highway

Soon after he sees a hitchhiking lawyer on the side of the road. He aims his car towards the lawyer with the intent to run him over, but remembers he has a priest in the car with him and swerves at the last second. He feigns innocence and says to the priest "Oh my God! That was close! I almost ran o...

A Canadian man went hitchhiking in Italy

He wandered aboot for three weeks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man stood on the side of the road hitchhiking

on a very dark night in the middle of a storm.
As the night went by no cars passed him. The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car come towards him and stop..

The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door to realiz...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A college kid was hitchhiking through the hills of Scotland

A college kid was hitchhiking through the hills of Scotland, when, as is the custom in such areas, an unexpected rainstorm came up. Seeking shelter, he found an old stone pub with a light on, and stumbled in through the front door. The pub was painfully small, with just a handful of stools, a bark...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Serial killer picks up a Rapist hitchhiking...

"*Hey, drop me off in that.....Dark alley right there....*"




"*.....I was planning on it.....*"

How do you feel about hitchhiking?

It gets a thumbs up from me.

The hitchhiker

A guy with 3 eyes, one leg, and no arms is hitchhiking. Suddenly a nice English gent pulls over and says "eye, eye, eye, you look 'armless, hop in."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jesus is bored in heaven and decides to take a vacation to Earth

He thinks hitchhiking could be fun, so he disguises himself as an average looking American and flies down from heaven onto a highway in Nebraska. He sticks his thumb out and after a little while, an 18-wheeler pulls over to offer a ride. He climbs in the cab, tells the driver he's headed west and ...

A priest was hitchhiking in the middle of the night

A guy with a Mercedes stopped and picked him up. They started heading to town. After a while the priest asks:
-What is that star on the front used for?
And the driver jokingly replied:
-That? Oh, it's a crosshair for sniping bicyclists.
The priest didn't reply.

As they were head...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nun was hitchhiking and the truck driver decided to give her a lift

Nun kept saying how grateful she was and if there's anything she could do in return. The trucker was a bit shy at first, but finally admitted:

- "Well, you know how lonely these roads can get, and we truckers really like to make some love on the way. And to be honest, I've never had sex with ...

A traveler was walking along the side of the road in Arizona, hitchhiking on a dark night in the middle of a thunderstorm;

Time passed slowly and no vehicles went by. It was raining so hard he could barely see his hand in front of his face.


Suddenly he saw a car approaching, moving slowly and appearing ghost-like in the rain. It slowly and silently crept toward him and stopped.


Wanting a ride v...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three young men were hitchhiking across the country

When they came across a farm. Being extremely hungry they decide to raid the famers feilds. A short time later the farmer sees them and grabs his shot gun, then runs out to confront them. He rounds them all up and yells at them for a bit, then tells each of them that they can each pick only one p...

A Welsh father is hitchhiking with his son when he comes across a sheep with his head stuck in a fence

The father says to the son "Watch this." and proceeds to undo his zipper and then makes love to the sheep. When he is finished, he steps away from the sheep and says to his son "Your turn, son." The son sighs before sticking his head in the fence.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is on the side of the road hitchhiking

Two truckers stop and pick him up.
They're driving along and the trucker driving farts. It's completely silent. Then the trucker sitting next to him farts, and it makes no sound at all. The hitchhiker farts, and it's loud enough to shake the whole cab.

Both the truckers turn and yell "vi...

The Native American Hitchhiker

A man is driving home from work one night when he sees an Indian Chief hitchhiking.
Feeling sorry for the old man, he pulls over to pick him up.
The Native says nothing for a good five minutes. He then, noticing a bottle of Jack Daniel’s on the passenger floor, grunts “mmmm, good whiskey”....

I was out by the street trying to hitchhike but every single car I stuck my thumb out for just passed me by. I began to wonder if itbhad something to do with the cargo shorts I was wearing.

So I went home and put on some carstop shorts, and had much better success at hitchhiking after that.

Two backpackers, Jim and John

are hitchhiking across the country when they come across a farmstead one cold wet night.

They decide to go up to the house to see if they can stay the night. Jim knocks on the door and an old man answers.

"You can stay the night, but I must tell you, my wife passed away a long time ag...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob's a truck driver

Bob gets bored on long drives, so he came up with a game. If he sees a lawyer walking on the sidewalk, he'll hop the curb and run him over.

One day, Bob picks up a hitchhiking priest. The priest is quietly studying his Bible. Bob sees a lawyer. Because the priest was so quiet, Bob forgo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A businessman goes to Las Vegas (long)...

And he gambles away the shirt off his back. All he has left is the second part of plane ticket. So he goes to a taxi and asks him if he can take him to the airport. He offers his credit card number, phone number, everything, but the Taxi driver said that if he doesn't have $15, he should the hell ou...

Bad Children's Books Titles

Here are some bad children's books titles I found in my jokes archive. Can you think of others?

1. "You Were an Accident"
2. "Strangers Have the Best Candy"
3. "The Little Sissy Who Snitched"
4. "Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"
5. "The Attention Deficit Disorder Assoc...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Arkansas farm boy decides to try his luck in the city.

He gathers up his few possessions, tells all his friends goodbye and buys a bus ticket to Little Rock.

A few months later, his friends are shocked to see him driving back into their little town in a new, shiny red Mustang convertible. They all rush to catch up to him as he parks in front of h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A southern Sheriff is driving down the road...

and sees a naked man tied to a tree. “What happened to you?” asks the Sheriff. “Oh, it was awful”, the man says. “I was hitchhiking and my last ride pulled a gun on me, took my wallet and clothes, and left me here to die.”

The Sheriff pulls his cock out and says “Today just isn’t your day...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A truck driver, a priest, and a lawyer.

Being a truck driver can be very boring. One truck driver has created a game for himself to help stave off the boredom. Every time he sees a lawyer walking on the side of the road, he veers off and runs him over.

One day, the truck driver picks up a hitchhiking priest. The priest is quietl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Redneck Wedding

Some time ago when I was hitchhiking through the deep South, a fella who gave me a ride invited me to a redneck wedding. Now this was a proper wedding, two days of tractor pulls, shooting shit and falling down drunk off moonshine, before we were finally assembled in the chapel for the big ceremony o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A truck driver named Bill is driving down a deserted Arizona highway...

...and he sees a beautiful woman hitchhiking. He thought it was strange that she wasn't standing near a car, but he picks her up anyway. As they are about to drive away he asks her "what are you doing in the middle of nowhere?" She pulls a gun out of her purse and says "I am taking your truck, that ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Manchester United

A van driver used to amuse himself by running over every Manchester United fan he would see strutting down the side of the road, dressed in their ubiquitous red colours. He would swerve to hit them and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road.

One day, as the dr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Party

A man is hitchhiking close to sundown when a trucker picks him up.

Trucker: Where you headed?


Man: I'll get a room at the next town.


Trucker: I'm headed to a party in woods up the road. You're welcome to go.

Man: That sounds great.

Trucker: Just to warn...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irish Ghost story (long)

This story happened a while ago in Dublin , and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true!!!!!

John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm.

The night was rolling on and n...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hilarious, subversive memo sent to 20,000 federal employees early in computer mass-messaging age

This memo was sent out to 20,000 federal employees in my agency in the early 1990s, when federal computer systems first got mass messaging. The first incarnation of this system allowed *any employee* to mass message. Some low-level employee sent this to all. Needless to say, the agency immediatel...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke to tell your friends.

Hey guys, I'm not sure if this is the correct place to post this, or the right format, but I've got an amazing joke for you all that will almost definitely draw everyone you are with in, as long as they do not know it is a joke.

Firstly, you need to turn the conversation towards hitchhiking,...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.