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Haemorrhoids Jokes

Why are they called haemorrhoids?

Because, asteroids was already taken.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do BMWs and haemorrhoids have in common?

Sooner or later, every asshole has one.

A guy suffering with haemorrhoids regularly visits his physician for his ointment application.

This time the physician was on leave for the weekend, so he goes home and asks his wife’s help to apply his ointment instead. So he gets ready by going down on all fours, and the wife begins to apply the ointment. After a while he realises that his wife is resting only one hand on his shoulder and i...

I went to a new family doctor today

I went to a new family doctor today. The waiting room was spacious, new renovation, nice and beautiful nurses. And it got a sign:

"We respect our patients' privacy, we will not call you by name".

Quite good eh, I thought.

Completed the registration, I sat down in the wai...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my girlfriend that anal sex was a cure for haemorrhoids and now she is really angry with me.

I just can’t tell if she’s mad because her ass is really sore now, or because I still keep complaining about my haemorrhoids..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Woman goes to the doctors..

Woman goes to the doctors and says that her boyfriend told her that anal sex was a great way to cure haemorrhoids.  

Doctors says “Your boyfriend is an idiot, anal sex is terrible for haemorrhoids!!!”  

Woman goes “Yeah no shit, my ass hurts like hell and he still has...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor is useless.

I went last week to see what he could do about haemorrhoids. He prescribed me a packet of the weirdest pills I ever saw. They tasted disgusting, and for all the good they did I might as well have shoved them up my arse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Princess Royal is being shown around a military hospital.

As she approaches one of the beds the soldier blushes red and tries to hide under the sheet, but HRH is having none of it, and she asks the RSM showing her round: "What is this man's ailment, sergeant-major?".

"Haemorrhoids, ma'am!" says the RSM crisply. HRH curves a well-mannered eyebrow whi...

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