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A guy spots a nice looking girl in a bar goes up and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn't back off he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation,

"Who named you, your mother?"

"No, I named myself, she answered.

"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"

"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.

"Beersex."

After a few drinks and small talk, she invited him back to her apartment.

Just before they turned out the light, he asked, "how do you like your eggs in the morning?"

"Unfertilised," she replied.

Small talk

The year is 2097. In the midst of a nuclear war, two babies are sent from Earth in a pod to an empty SpaceX bunker on Mars in the hopes they will survive and continue the human race.

After years in isolation and with packaged food becoming scarce, the young humans decided to venture out onto ...

When small talk with the neighbors gets awkward.

I live in the Bible Belt and took a stroll around the neighborhood earlier in the week. At the turnaround an old man with a walker was getting the mail. He asked me my name and we engaged in some small talk.

 

I was about to leave, but his wife came outside so I stayed and sai...

I don't know how to small talk with dwarfs

It's one of my shortcomings and I always talk down to them.

Why are people on stage so good at small talk?

Because they have microphones

I’m not much of a small talk guy so on the first date I asked:

If money wasn’t a problem what would you be doing right now?







Her: having dinner alone

I made small talk with a woman at the airport...

"I work in the circus actually," she says.

"No kidding? What's that like?" I asked.

"Oh, it's in tents." she replied.

The other day during lunch break I saw one of my colleagues playing some kind of war game on his smartphone. As I poured my coffee I asked him about the game he was playing and we started small talking. Few minutes into our small talk he stated that so far he'd spend $700 in in game purchases.

I bursted into a loud laughter while shouting how that was the stupidest thing and biggest waste of money I've ever heard of!

Man, I was still laughing out loud in disbelief walking off and even still chuckling as I entered the smoking room

After weeks of small talk, I accidentally slept with my co-worker and it went terribly

Usually we take shifts but today bossman came over and we were both dozing off

A guy walks up to a woman at a bar. He flirts with her and made some small talk but she insists she isn't gonna go home with him

"What if I offer you $1 millon to sleep with me?" He asked

The woman's never had a millon dollars in her life. She stops and considers the offer very seriously.

The guy changes his mind and says

"What if I change my offer to a dollar instead?"

The woman is aghast

"...

A couple came up to Rodney Dangerfield for an autograph. Trying to make small talk, they said "Whaddya think? We just got married!"

Rodney: "You both could've done better!"

I stopped throwing cheesy jokes during small talks

everyone around me is laughtose intolerant

Have you heard about the pipe that makes small talk as you smoke it?

It's quite the conversation piece.

A Russian man was making small talk with his wife about the weather...

"Looks like rain today doesn't it?" but his wife insisted...

"Rudy, my love, the weatherman says it will clear up before lunch."

"No, zayka, I feel it in my bones. It is going to rain."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Oh, Rudolph the Red knows rain dear..."

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There was a mouse that used to stop by a neighborhood tavern every night…

Like clockwork, at 5:15 pm that screen door would kick open and if you looked closely you’d see that crazy little mouse. He’d sprint to his bar stool, spin around the pole on one arm and hop right up to the cushion with a big shit-eating grin. High fives with the bartender. “Gimme a beer, Sam!” “Sur...

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Young man moves into an apartment block….

On the first day he discovers the neighbour across the hall is a stunningly beautiful girl with a gorgeous body.

One day he’s just about to enter his apartment and his neighbour opens her door, she is just wearing a black lace negligee with matching panties, he can’t help but stare.

S...

So a pimpled man goes to the doctor...

He comes in, but refuses to sit down. The nurse asks if there is anything she could help him with.

He waves her away politely, and holds his suitcase in the air, bumps the top of it and an entire stool comes folding out. He places the stool on the ground and tries to small talk with the nurse...

An Alabama couple with 9 children went to see the doctor about getting the husband "fixed".

The doctor started the procedure and making small talk, asks them "Why, after having 9 children have you decided not to have any more?".

The husband replied, "We just read an article that said 1 in 10 American children born in the United States is Mexican".

The wife continued, "We didn...

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A man orders a taxi late at night

He tells the driver where to go and the ride is pretty quiet. The man is not much for small talk and just stares out the window. They are cruising on the freeway when he notices that they missed the exit. "Doesn't matter" he thinks "It's a little around but faster on the freeway" but then he sees th...

Me: Why don't you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?

The hot lady at the bar: No thanks, I don't like small talk.

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A golfer is absolutely killing it out on the course. (Long)

He’s playing at one of those residential courses surrounded by beautiful homes.

He nails the drive on the 6th hole. He’s so excited and proud of himself that he guns his golf cart full speed ahead to get to the putting green.

He’s going so fast that he misreads a curve and ends up topp...

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So these three friends went to a park to enjoy their Sunday.

Jim, Tim and Maximilian found a place near a tree to settle down and lay out their stuff. They'd been through a hectic week and they deserved this break, particularly Tim, who had been through the most. So they pulled out their drinks and lay it on the mat, and set up their radio to play some relaxi...

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A Vietnamese man who recently moved to America is down on his luck and missing home. He decides to spend his last $5 on an authentic Vietnamese dinner hoping it will remind him of home.

He finds the nearest Vietnamese restaurant and makes the walk there, hoping to make it in time before they close. When he enters the owner greets him in Vietnamese and he responds in kind. Happy to be speaking his native language again the man makes small talk with the owner. After pleasantries he a...

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Three couples go on a camping trip.

On their last day, the men decide they want to go explore a cave, while the women choose to hang out at the campsite.

After a while of exploring the cave, it forked into 3 different paths. The men agree to all follow one path and meet up in an hour to tell the others what they had found.
<...

A gynecologist goes in to see a new patient.

Upon entering, he notices that the new patient is nervous. While putting on the latex gloves, he decides to break the ice with some small talk.

"Do you know how they make latex gloves?", he asks.

"No", she responds.

The doctor says, "There is a plant in Mexico full of latex tha...

A monkey walks into a bar...

...he orders a pint of beer, and the barman charges him $20. Trying to make small talk the barman says ' we don't get many monkeys in here.' The monkey replied, 'I'm not surprised when you charge $20 a pint.'

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An elderly couple sought help from a Sex Therapist.

They both told the therapist how much they both missed "that spark" that they had early in their relationship. The therapist asked some more general questions and give them a "homework" assignment before their next session. The couple happily went on their way and returned next week. The therapist t...

A policeman goes home to his wife

A policeman goes home to his wife in the evening after work. Exhausted, he enters the dark bedroom and strips out of his uniform, leaving it on the floor. He looks for the light switch but figures his wife is laying in bed and decides not to disturb her. Just before he's about to get into bed, his w...

Potentially funny joke

One day I went to the pet store and picked up some bird seeds. Then, as I was standing in line to purchase them, the cashier was trying to make some small talk with me and I asked, "So how long does it take for the birds to actually grow?" I wonder why she looked at me funny?

Good Trade !

I remember once when I was driving home from one of my business trips through Northern Arizona, when I saw an elderly Navajo man walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, I stopped the car and asked the Navajo man if he'd would like a ride. With a word or two of thanks, ...

A world with the undead

Imagine a world where zombies exist, but they're not dangerous. Just like you and I every day, except they eat brains.
The government has decided that humans can donate their organ to zombies for consumption.
Everything is pretty much back to normal.

A man and a woman end up going on...

A man is hitchhiking on a lonely road.

After a good while an old beat up truck stops and picks him up and after a couple of minutes of small talk the driver ask the man if he wants some booze. Sure he says and gets handed a bottle. When he tries to drink it the smell of bad moonshine overwhelms him and he declined the drink. The old man ...

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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

I've told this story to many naive greens before me, so self-absorbed in their own notions of human conflict and the meaning of war. Whenever I finish the tale they're always pale as Lyndon B's corrupt lyin' ass. I can't blame 'em. This story kept me up throughout my whole deployment in those damn j...

Ivanka Trump is walking a dog outside the White House...

A Secret Service agent sees her and says "Good Morning, Ma'am."

"Good morning." She replies.

"That's a very cute dog, ma'am." the agent says trying to make polite small talk.

"Oh, thank you. I got it for the President." She replies with a smile.

"Excellent trade, Ma'am."<...

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A man dies and goes to Hell.

When he gets there, a demon tells him that he has to choose a room that he's going to stay in for the rest of all time.

The first room is big, with a few hundred people standing in piles of shit up to their waists. Other than that, nothing else is happening. They all seem to be having small ...

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The professor of statistics and logistics.

So a friend told me this joke. It was created by Norm MacDonald. Hopefully I don't butcher it. Also, I'm on mobile, so I apologize if it's weirdly formatted.

.
.
.


A new guy moves into a cul de sac. One of the neighbors comes up to him and starts small talk.

"So what...

A customs officer at the Mexican border noticed a man coming across one day on a bicycle with two small sacks tied to the handlebars...

Naturally, he got suspicious and asked him to open the sacks, but when he did he found nothing but sand.

Each time he'd stop the bicycle and open the sacks, and he'd find only sand. He had the sand analyzed at the lab and looked at the sack under a microscope he could never find anything wron...

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A man died and was on his way to heaven

When he reached heaven, he saw Jesus standing in front of him. Jesus said: "We have a long way ahead of us. Come...let's walk."

Jesus trying to have some small talk with the man, asked him whether he has has any pet peeves. The man replied: "I don't like it when people bend over in front of m...

An astronomer walked into a bar.

He sat down and ordered a Guinness. The bartender got it for him and, hoping to get a better tip since the bar was slow, decided to make some small talk. Looking him over, the bartender noticed he was wearing a badge from a local observatory.

B: So, you work at the observatory, huh?

...

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A pervy old man is walking through the park one day.

He sees an older woman sitting on a bench by herself and decides to sit by her. They make small talk for a little bit, and it is obvious to her that the old man is into her.

He asks her if she’d be interested in holding his penis for a while. She thinks he’s cute, and she hasn’t seen a man’s...

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A boy asks his girlfriend over for dinner to meet his parents.

He tells her he will pick her up at 6 and his parents are seeing a show afterwards, so they will have the house all to themselves. She’s nervous, but also excited, so goes shopping to pick out some lingerie for their big night.

She and the chatty assistant just click and get to talking about...

A high school senior was preparing for his prom...

He knew that the first thing he needed was a tuxedo. So he went to get a rental.

But his town was very small, and there was only one tux rental place nearby. Therefore, when he arrived he had to wait for three of his classmates to pick out their rentals before he could get his. He waited in ...

An older gentleman orders three shots - one for him, and one for each of his brothers back home in Ireland.

He explains to the bartender "I had to move to America to help my wife care for her in-laws, and I miss my family back home. So I'm having a shot here for my brother Seamus, and another for my brother Michael." He downs the three shots, makes a little more small talk with the bartender, and heads ...

A young man named Theseus moves to a lakeside fishing village looking for work

When he arrives, he finds one of the residents, Justin, is interested in going out and seeing the world, and wants to sell his fishing boat to fund that trip. Thinking that it might be a good way to make a living, Theseus buys the boat and spends the next few years learning the trade, establishing a...

An extremely handsome man walks into a bar...

He sits down at the bar and begins small talk with a few girls. He's charismatic and the girls love him. He talks most of the night away. But after a while another man enters. This man is rather ugly. Perhaps even hideous. Like God got drunk and began just throwing mismatched facial features onto an...

A man walks into a pub and catches the eye of a beautiful woman sitting alone.

Quickly glancing away, he sits down at the bar to order a drink. He remarks that the woman seems lonely, hoping to make some small talk. To his surprise, the bartender replies,

"Do you think I've got a shot?"

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[Long] Two married friends are going out for a walk at night

Two ladies, which are both married and are friends with each other, went out on a Saturday night for a walk, without their husbands. While they were returning to their homes, one of them felt the sudden urge to pee.

After a couple of minutes, so did the second woman. They simply could not ho...

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A horse walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender is in shock, an actual horse just walked into his bar, sat down at the bar like a person, and ordered a beer in perfect English.

He tells the horse, "I'm sorry sir, I just have to go speak to my manager for a moment."

So the bartender goes to the back, and explains the s...

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The Italian Lover, a virile middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blond woman.

Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he fucked her senseless.

After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, “So, you finish?”
She paused for a second, frowned, and replied. “No.”
Surp...

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Picked up a hitch hiker

***I pulled this on my boss last week. Luckily he is cool so I knew he wouldn't fire me or send me home.

The joke is way better in person and gets a huge laugh if told straight faced like a story that happened to you. Make sure you say the ending with plenty of gusto.

Here's how it go...

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NSFW: PINOCCHIO WENT TO GO SEE HIS OLD FRIEND GEPPETTO...

After some small talk,Geppetto ask Pinocchio,"So Pinocchio, tell me,how is your love life?"

Pinocchio reluctantly tells him,"Well Gepetto, the women complain about me getting splinters in their vagina.

"I have just the thing,"Geppetto continues. He leaves the room and came back with so...

A quantum particle walks into two bars.

In one, he has a few drinks, becomes the life of the party, gets lucky and has a splendid time.

In the other he drinks too much, picks a fight with the wrong company and ends up beaten to half of his life.

The next day, he happens to meet an old buddy. After some very small talk, his ...

Three old admirals

After a tour of the nation's newest carriers and submarine,the three admirals got together to make small talk where it got to the topic of their wives.

"I'm a three star admiral and when we get rubbing together, it takes me up to half mast and need to play 'anchors aweigh' to get full. So i...

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Told by my friend years ago in high school [long] [nsfw]

Okay so let me start out by saying when telling this joke, you insert the name of the person you are telling it too. For this joke I will use the name John Johnson as it is the most generic name I can think of. Now for the joke.


Three men were standing in a bar, making small talk. The fir...

A guy adopts a pink parrot from an old sailor....

unfortunately, it swears like an old sailor. He tries everything to get it to stop. He even destroyed the parrot's old cage, but that just made it worse. Then he noticed his mom coming up to the house. What could he do? He couldn't let his dear sweet mother hear this foul mouthed bird. So, he p...

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A guy walks into a bar carrying 3 ducks......

He has one duck in his left hand, one in his right hand and one under his left arm. The bar is very empty and he is the only patron. He sits down sets his ducks on the bar and has a few drinks. The bartender doesn't say anything because he would rather a weird customer with ducks than no customers a...

A security guard and a midnight shift

This is a joke my father told me long ago. I probably don't have it word for word, but this is basically how it goes.

So it's midnight and this security guard is making his usual rounds outside some warehouse when all of a sudden, he sees a shadowy figure exit the building. The guard approa...

The Truck Driver and the Priest

In a small town outside of a big city, there was this truck driver who hated Lawyers. Now I mean like he really hated them lawyers. So whenever he was driving, he would intentionally swerve to hit them. Now, one day, he was driving his normal route, when he spots a priest on the side of the road. So...

Tom decided he needed a haircut, so he went to the barbershop

After getting his cut, he was making some small talk with his barber, when a boy no more then 10 walks in, and the barber whispers into Tom's ear "watch how dumb this kid is"
The barber walks over and greets the kid, holding his hands out, one hand with 5 Loonies, and there other with a 10 dollar...

An aging hotel inspector was performing his final inspection on a luxury hotel before his retirement.

He had arrived at the joint the day before, and had already slept in a room to analyze how clean and comfortable they were. When he had woken up, he went into the bathroom to check its functionality and cleanliness, and continued on to the main dining hall after.

Upon arrival, he saw they we...

Buying Flowers

A man went to the local market to buy flowers for his wife. Another man was already standing there looking at flowers and contemplating the prices and varieties.

The first man could tell the man already standing there was feeling uncomfortable standing in front of flowers. So the first man...

A man and a woman meet in an elevator.

After making small talk the man asks the lady where she's headed.

" I'm going to the blood bank. They're paying 10 dollars to everyone who donates blood this week. " she responded.

The man responded back, " Oh, what a coincidence. I'm headed to the sperm bank. They are paying 100 do...

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A young man is looking in the classifieds for a motorcycle.....

He finally finds one he has been looking for and eventually meets up with the owner. An old man in overalls greets him and says, "Here she is". The young lad cant believe it, its the bike he has always wanted and its in pristine condition. They have some small talk about bikes and riding stories. Th...

A duck walks into a bar...

... and walks up to the bartender to order a pint of lager and a ham and cheese sandwich. The bartender is flabbergasted to see a talking duck, but then quickly proceeds to pour the duck his drink and fetch his sandwich after seeing him get impatient

A few weeks pass and the duck becomes qui...

Two Jewish guys go to a Kosher Chinese restaurant.

Their Chinese waiter greeted them in Yiddish, took their order in Yiddish, made small talk with them in Yiddish, gave their order in Yiddish, and took their bill in Yiddish.

On their way out, the two guys tell the restaurant owner what a pleasant surprise it was for them be able to talk with ...

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Israeli tourist

An Israeli tourist is visiting New York and hires a cab to drive him around the city. He engages the driver in small talk to get better acquainted.

"Where are you from?" he asks.

"I'm from Palestine" replies the cab driver, "and you?"

"I'm from Narnia."

"Bullshit, that p...

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A man gets on the bus and the only seat available is up front next to a beautiful nun

He tries starting small talk but she isn't interested in the slightest, and a few stops later she gets off. The bus driver, having watched all this, feels sorry for the young man. "hey pal, don't sweat it. She gets on this bus every Tuesday to go to the market and every time there's a young guy like...

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Trmp, Putin and Duterte all died on the same day

After they die, the wake up in a building. The three of them not knowing what was going on.

After some small talk, they hear a deep and loud voice saying.

- " Rodrigo Duterte, room 623"

Duterte, followed by Trump and Putin starts looking for this room, and after a long search ...

Donald Trump is on his first state visit to Angela Merkel in Berlin...

After a bit of small talk, he asks Merkel, which is the secret of her great success.

Merkel tells him that you only need to have many intelligent people around you.

"How do you know so soon, if someone is intelligent?" Asks Trump.

"Let me demonstrate," Merkel answers.

She...

Guys I just had my first date yesterday

So there was this stunning, beautiful girl that walked past me at today, and when she gazed into my eyes, I knew it was love at first sight.

Now, I'm not a particularly handsome guy, but I've been with enough partners to know that it was time to shoot my shot, have a go at it, etc.

So,...

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Two pilots are on a routine flight.

One is a Caucasian man with over 22 years of experience as a pilot. His co-pilot is a Iranian-American man who started the job just 2 months ago. This was the first time the two have flown together, so small talk is very little.

The white guy decides to break the ice. "So, you know anything a...

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A girl meets a black man

During a party a woman meets a black man, after a small talk while being drunk and horny the girl says to the black man: could you please show if it is true what they say about black men?, the man gets closer and whispers: "I'll gladly do it", they look each other and smile, after a brief pause, the...

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The end is nye

Fun fact; you know the saying The end is nigh? Well the latin origin of the word nigh use to be spelt: n y e.

Another fun fact; nye can be an abbreviation of New Year Eve.

Anyways what's your guys' new year's resolution? Mine is to stop making shit up for small talk.

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The Dishes

Long one so get ready..

A young guy goes to purchase an old motorcycle from an old timer. When he arrives he's floored at how clean and spotless the bike is. It's flawless. He asks the old gentleman how he has kept this 40 year old bike in such great condition. Just then it starts to drizzle ...

A Southern man goes into a New England bar.

He orders a beer and, making small talk, asks the bartender, "Did y'all go to Hahvurd?"

The bartender replies, "Yale."

"Okay," says the Southern man. "DID Y'ALL GO TO HAHVURD?"

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A rich guy and his poor drinking buddy were at the bar before Christmas...

The rich guy, making small talk, goes

"So I got my wife a new diamond ring and a BMW for Christmas. That way if she doesn't like the ring, at least she'll still love the Beemer!"

The poor guy goes:

"Huh, well I got my wife a pair of pantyhose and a dildo. That way if she doesn't...

Two Women are at the Vet

Two women are sitting in the waiting room at the Vet. The first woman has a Great Dane and the second has a Chihuahua. The First woman wanting to make small talk asks the lady with the chihuahua “what brings you in here today?”

“This year was the first time I ever hosted Christmas for my fami...

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A man loses his penis in an industrial accident.

He wakes up in the hospital the next day. Upon hearing the news that the organ was unsalvagable the man was devastated.

"Doc, is there nothing you can do?"

The doctor explains that conventional medicine can do nothing for him. However, he adds, there is an experimental treatment. The ...

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Oops

To guys are sitting on a plane, making small talk. One guy says, “Oh man...I really embarrassed myself earlier.”

Other guy says, “How’s that?”

“Well, I was at the counter to buy a ticket, and the agent had an amazing body. I meant to say, “I’d like a ticket to Pittsburg.” But it cam...

An Irishman sees an old man standing in the rain outside of a pub...

As the man gets closer he notices that the old man has a stick in his hand with a piece of string on it, and is waving it around in a puddle.

The man feels bad for the old codger and offers to buy him a pint.

"thank you!" replies the old man, and the two walk inside the pub.
As they...

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A businessman sits next to a blonde on a plane...

It's going to be a long flight so he turns to her and tries to make small talk, but she ignores him best she can. After trying several times, he finally says "It's going to be a long flight, we may as well get to know one another. Why don't we play a game?" She seems uninterested, so he makes it mor...

An old man is on the park walking

When he sees an elderly lady on a bench. He decides to take a chance and sits down and introduces himself. After some small talk, the man tells her he is a widower. She acts surprised and says she is as well. Four times over.

" all four husbands died while with you? How horrible, how did they...

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Three construction workers are building a brick wall in the middle of a swamp.

During a break, the first man, Joe, says, "Let's have a brick throwing competition. Whoever can throw his brick the highest wins!"

"That sounds like fun; I'm in!" Replied the second man, Tom.

"But how will we measure who's goes the highest?" inquired Jim, the third man.

"Simple,...

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Charlie the Street Car Conductor

Long joke that is passed down in my family

So down in New Orleans there lived a man named Charlie. Charlie ever since he was a young boy wanted to grow up to be a streer car conductor. When he finally became old enough, he applied for the job and lo and behold he got it. Now Charlie was the ...

Two Parents Get Arrested

A couple is arrested after they get caught burning their son’s name on farms. Picture a big bonfire, but it spells their son’s name.

It’s a tense ride into the station. The parents are obviously nervous, so the officer makes some small talk.

After a while, though, the curiosity gets ...

A Grasshopper walks into a bar

He sits down and orders a drink. The bartender gets his drink and hands it to him. "You know, we have a drink named after you," says the bartender trying to make small talk. The grasshopper looks up and says, "You have a drink named Steve?"

Another "guy goes to a monastery" joke - an oldie but a goodie

This is an old one, so apologies if its been here before (I haven't seen it yet, but I don't check /r/jokes every day). I'm a bit bored at the moment, so I've embellished it a bit! enjoy :)

So, this guy is hiking in the Himalayas, as you do, and, as he's hiking up the narrow, rock-strewn path...

During a drought, a farmer remembers hearing about a native tribe who's rain dance is said to work every time...

so the next day he gets in his pickup and heads out to visit the tribes chief.

When he gets there he asks if the tribe would be able to preform a rain dance for him.

"Yes, we can call the spirits of water with our dance, but first I must gather the tribe, and my son is two states away ...

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A man visits his friend's home and his wife answers the door...

...and invites him to come inside. She tells him that her husband is upstairs in the shower and will be down in a few minutes. They both sit down on the couch to wait. After a some light small talk and a bit of silence the man looks at his friend's wife. "You know" he starts, "your breast look amazi...

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A man sails to visit a remote part on the coast of Ireland.

As he comes close to the harbor, he sees an enormous, absolutely gorgeous Barque, docked in its own reserved spot. He ogles it for a minute, before docking himself and running through his checklist of things to finish before he can leave his vessel.

He finishes, gets all his things, and goes...

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Unicorn hunting...

Two hunters, Paul and Kurt, were in a lodge, making small talk.

Paul asked Kurt, “So, what do you hunt?”

Kurt answered, “I hunt unicorns.”

Paul was startled, but said, “Really? How do you do that?”

Kurt replied, “I find a virgin and hire her to help me. The virgin sits ar...

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Woman was at the hairdresser

Hairdresser was making small talk, “what’s new?” She says.

The woman replies, “ I am about to go on vacation. I’ve been saving for years and next week I leave .”

“Flying or driving?” Asks the hairdresser.

“I’m flying Jet Blue”.

“Jet Blue? They’re awful. The seats are t...

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A crusty old sergeant major walks into a brothel in Korea...

He walks up to the receptionist and says, "I'm a sergeant major, I've seen combat in every major conflict for the last 35 years, and I want the best goddamn hooker you've got in this place!"

The receptionist nods and leads him to one of the back rooms. Waiting there is a stunningly beautiful ...

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The Italian Stallion and more

The Italian Lover

A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blond woman.

Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired...

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Only joke I know.

So I remember reading this joke on a website years ago and it really stuck with me, and I really don't know any others, and it's a little long, sorry. Here goes...

A tourist is visiting New York city for the first time and has come to the observation deck of the Empire state building, replete...

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An older man is feeling a bit under the weather and goes to see the doctor.

His wife comes along, and after a full physical and a battery of tests, the doctor meets the two of them in his office. He makes small talk, tells the man he is fine, and then asks to speak with the wife privately. After the man leaves, the doctor turns to the wife and says, "Your husband is gravely...

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The Pet Rabbit

One day I came home to find my dog burying something under the steps of my front porch. Upon closer inspection, it was the neighbor's family pet rabbit. I felt terrible.

Since it was only a little covered in dirt and the dog had not torn it up noticeably, I decided to make it as presentable a...

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