Oldie but goldie

A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill:
"One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian".
The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where Upon a gun-battle breaks out a...

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Oldie but a goldie

A man who drank alot was told by his wife "If you ever come home drunk again, I'm going to leave you". Regardless, that night he went out to a pub and drank alot and was sick all over his shirt.

He told his friend "If I go home like this my wife will leave me".

His friend said "I tel...

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Goldie was sitting on a beach in Florida...

Goldie was sitting on a beach in Florida, attempting to strike up a conversation with the attractive gentleman reading on the blanket beside hers.

"Hello, sir." she said "Do you like movies?"

"Yes, I do." he responded, then returned to his book.

Goldie persisted. "Do you like g...

Trump and Obama - oldie but goldie

It's time for Obama to step down. As a final duty Obama gives Trump the combination to the office safe and tells him, "There are three envelopes in there labelled "1", "2", and "3". If you end up in trouble, open envelope "1". He says his goodbyes and rides off into the sunset.

A couple of we...

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[Oldie but an goldie] A man and his wife are on vacation in Tibet...

While shopping in a small village, the wife asks her husband what time it was, and looking down at his wrist the man realized he had left his watch in the motel room. After a few unsuccessful attempts to find an English speaking local, the couple finally finds an elderly man sitting quietly on the s...

Goldie, a middle aged Jewish woman goes to see a fortune-teller.

"Two men are madly in love with me!" Goldie says. "Who will be the lucky one?"
The swami answers...."Morris will marry you, and Irving will be the lucky one."

Oldie But Goldie - Don't Lose Your Pen!

* Lost your pen = no pen
* No pen = no notes
* No notes = no study
* No study = fail school
* Fail school = no diploma
* No diploma = no work
* No work = no money
* No money = no food
* No food = skinny
* Skinny = ugly
* Ugly = no love
* No love = no marriage
* No...

Dad joke warning ⚠

Knock, knock...
Who's there?
Cargo.
Cargo who?
Nope. Owl go who. Car go beep beep.

I warned you.

I won a Gold medal! Wow! Thank you /u/ArticCamels! I appreciate you... Be safe out there.

Another Goldie! Y'all are too much! Thanks /u/PlatinumOmnivore! Take care!
...

A golden retriever walks into a bar

Stop reading if you heard this one before. The dog sits at the bar, locks eyes with the bartender and wearily says "One beer, one shot, please."

The bartender says "Holy moly! A talking dog! You should be in the circus, buddy!"

The goldie says "Why? Do they need an electrician?"

The Talking Cat.

A 2 bit magician had a show called "Goldie, the Magic Talking Cat". He wasn't that skilled of a magician, so he had to make up for his lack of talent with cheesy 2 bit tricks.

He found this cat that looked like it was clearly abandoned. It had fleas and ticks, wasn't fixed and it didn't ...

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Two guys and a snake ....

This is a true story.
Two good friends, Jerry and Ralph, were out walking in the desert one day when Jerry goes off behind a cactus to take a leak. While he's draining his bladder a snake leaps up and bites him on the end of his dick. Ralph on hearing Jerry's scream runs over and says, "What ha...

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