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Galloping Jokes

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You are on a horse galloping at a constant speed. On your right side, is a sharp drop off and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse, but your horse is unable to overtake it...

Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round.

Blonde on a Galloping Steed

Standing beside a valiant stallion, a beautiful blond decides she must ride this animal despite having no previous riding experience.

Soon, she finds herself atop the horse's back, galloping through a lush green meadow.

The horse suddenly picks up speed and she finds herself euphoric...

The Lone Ranger was captured by Indians...

And was about to be put to death. The Chief spoke, "Since you are about to die, I'll grant you a wish."

The Lone Ranger said, "I want to talk to my horse."

The Chief thought it was an odd request, but consented, and Silver was led around to the Lone Ranger. The Lone Ranger whispered ...

The Knight and the chastity belt

Once upon a time a king was going off to war with his army. But he was worried about his wife's safety while he was away

"Sir Roger, you are my most trusted knight. I'm going to ask you to protect the Queen while I'm away. Here's the key to her chastity belt. It's only to be opened in case I ...

A knight was about to ride off into battle.

Afraid that his wife would be unfaithful, he fitted her with a chastity belt. He gave the key to his best friend, telling him that he was the only person he could trust.

The knight rode off, and an hour later he heard the sound of galloping hoofbeats behind him. His friend rode up next to ...

A priest is driving home

When suddenly his car breaks down, and he must go ask the local farmer for a horse. The farmer obliges, but says that this is a HOLY horse, so you had to say "Praise the Lord" to make it go, and "Amen" to make it stop.

The priest says okay. So he starts off. About a mile down the road, the ho...

A priest wants to buy a horse

He goes to the horse seller and asks him if he has a good horse for him. The horse seller says:“Yes, I have the perfect horse for you, it starts moving when you say ‚Thank God‘ and stops when you say ‚Amen‘“
So the priest decides to buy the horse and takes it for a ride. He says:“Thank God!“, and...

A Genius

A British and an Irish were watching a movie. The hero of the film was riding on a galloping horse.

British, "It will fall off the horse ". But the Irish said it would never fall. Thy bet. Soon, the hero fell. British, didn’t I say. But why were you so confident ”it wouldn't fall?” Irish repl...

A man buys a horse from an old pastor.

The pastor explains to the man that in order to make the horse go, he must say "Thank God," and to make him stop, he must say "Amen." The man nods in understanding.

He gets on the horse, readies himself, takes a deep breath, and says, "Thank God!"

Immediately, the horse takes off like ...

A man is riding a horse

The horse goes faster and faster. He's galloping as fast as the wind can take him. Until the horse suddenly stops.

The man doesn't understand why. He wants to keep riding. But then he realized that he ran out of quarters.

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A man is telling a bartender about the craziest day of his life.

“It was unreal,” the man recalls. “I’m on this horse that’s galloping at top speed. On the right side of me is this elephant going as fast as the horse. Right in front of us is another horse going just fast enough so we don’t hit him, and about ten feet behind us is a lion giving chase. He could cat...

A man buys a horse

The man is very religious, so instead of saying, “giddy up,” for the horse to speed up, and “woah there,” for the horse to slow down, he decides to train his horse differently. Whenever he says, “Praise the Lord,” his horse will start running. Whenever he says, “Hallelujah,” the horse will slow down...

Thank god.

A man is at a looking to buy a horse, the horse trader leads him to a majestic white stallion.

The horse trader said: "This horse can understand three commands, if you want it to walk, say 'Praise God', if you want it to gallop say 'Thank God' and if you want it to stop say 'Oh My God'. "...

Tonto and the Lone Ranger

Chased by Injuns, the lone ranger and Tonto are galloping along when suddenly, Tonto stops, jumps down off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and listens. After a bit, he sits up and says 'BUFFALO COME!'

'how can you tell?' replies the lone ranger.

Tonto says 'Ear Sticky!'

A man and a woman are out to dinner at a fancy restaurant

Right around when the appetizers they hear a loud sound like galloping hooves on the marble floor.

They both turn to see a half-man half-horse jogging around the restaurant

Eventually it stops running and stands at attention.

They stare

A loud trumpet sounds and the Head ...

A man wants to go horseback riding

When the man gets to the ranch, he asks the owner if he can ride of the horses. The owner replies “Looks like we have one horse you can ride, however this horse is a little different than our other horses”.

The man asks “How so?”

“This horse is religious. I ride this horse to church, i...

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The Religious Horse

David wants to borrow a horse from his neighbor, Jack.



"Sure you can borrow my horse," replies Jack. "But one thing you have to know about this horse. He is trained to start when you say 'Thank God', and he stops when you say 'Help me God.'"



So David gets on the horse a...

So this cowboy buys a new horse...

As he's saddling him up to leave the ranch, the previous owner tells him, "There's only one thing different about this here horse. He was raised by a preacher since he was a pony. If you want him to stop, you say Amen. If you want him to go, you say praise the Lord."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah!" the c...

The Queen and the Chastity Belt

One day, King Arthur had to leave the kingdom for an extended period. He took his most trusted knight, Lancelot, aside for a moment.
"Lancelot, I fear Guinevere is not entirely faithful to me. Therefore, I have placed a chastity belt upon her. Now I entrust you alone with the key", and wi...

A man just bought a religious horse...

A man was searching for the fastest and noblest steed. Finally, after much searching, he finally found a horse he was satisfied with. Its mane was silky, its coat was glossy, and it was the finest stallion that the man has ever laid his eyes upon.

While paying for the stallion, the seller rem...

The Christian Horse (long)

A man who owned a farm was looking to buy a horse. Wanting to get one for relatively cheap, the man began looking on Craigslist, and soon found a really inexpensive horse only a few miles away from him.

When he arrived, he was astonished by the horse. It looked noble and strong, like out of ...

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Sven and Ole

Sven is sitting on his porch one day, enjoying the morning Norwegian frosted air, when he sees his neighbor Ole coming down the road.

Ole has his hands lightly cupped together as if he's holding a delicate insect from escaping.

Sven pipes up and hollars "G'mornin Ole! what's that ya go...

I have never seen my all time favorite joke here, so I will submit relatively original content, enjoy!

There was a newspaper in a very small Midwestern farming town, comes out once a week with local news like the new library books, or the preachers sermon, and school fundraisers. One day the editor calls the reporter in and says, "I don't know what to do about the next issue. There isn't a damn thin...

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